Mothers Crazy Behaviour

kathy2

Hello Folks

So my mum is in her early 70's dad dead. She has always been difficult andselfish but who isn't!!

She saw those senior money ads and wanted some cash a year ago so I wentwith her to an advisor who told her no and why. Undeterred she went to a local solicitor who also told her no and why. She promised not to do it and we wereto be a little more supportive giving her reasonable sized cash gifts at Christmasand so on.

She went and did it anyway and lied and lied about it. So ultimately she’sbroke all the time as the interest is too high and she is complaining she hasno money for food. There is no evidence of where the cash went probably theslot machines and the pub.

In the intermediate time myself and my sister continued to help her outtaxing her car, oil that kind of thing thinking poor pensioner.

So when the penny finally dropped with her that she had no money because ofthis she came out with it and the poor me. She smokes 20 a day, has the heating on the windows open and that kindof thing.

My sister is furious and embarrassed with good reason no grandchild got somuch as a packet of chocolate buttons and no new car not a single thing to showfor it and I just think she’s an idiot but no change there don’t give her anymore money for a year or two she made her bed let her lie in it. She has a bitof a drink problem as well.

Any comments on dealing with difficult parents bad or good please!

Wibbs

Better here kathy2

I had a similar situation with a friend who should know better. Maybe she has no money. She might smoke too much and use too much fuel, those are not basic human rights in living conditions... I say this as a smoker.

I would bring her around a loaf of bread, some butter spread, ham, cheese, maybe salad items like lettuce, onion, coleslaw, etc if you think she'd eat it, or tins of beans, soup, brown bread is especially good with soup, just have easy food but good food in her cupboards. I eat for about 25e a week from Aldi, Lidl and Tesco, things I don't have to cook, salads, bread and some meat if I can afford it (which yes I do cook).

Your mother it sounds like doesn't quite want to help herself. I know it's hard when people are older to tell them to have some cop on, I have been there. Long term I don't know what to suggest, but in the mean time I suggest you buy her food, only food, and stock her cupboards. Everyone needs food. The other stuff she will have to realise doesn't come free, but at least she is eating.

mashedbanana

Maybe you might consider taking her to her G.P for a chat. Or better still, the G.P might do a house visit? It wouldn't do any harm. :-)

pwurple

Sounds like learned helplessness. Is your dad gone long? Perhaps he dealt with the finances their whole adult life, and she doesn't know how to manage them now.

My grandfather was similar when my grandmother died. Unable to even make a sandwich for himself because she had done it for so long.

She either needs to learn, or you will have to manage her money with an allowance I suspect.

Daisy M

I think you should make an appointment for her with mabs, maybe they can get her some leeway on the repayments and also help her budget. She may also be able to claim benefits she is not aware of.

ABajaninCork

pwurple wrote: »

Sounds like learned helplessness. Is your dad gone long? Perhaps he dealt with the finances their whole adult life, and she doesn't know how to manage them now.

My grandfather was similar when my grandmother died. Unable to even make a sandwich for himself because she had done it for so long.

She either needs to learn, or you will have to manage her money with an allowance I suspect.

This. I think the mother at 70-odd is too old and stubborn to learn new behaviour. Either manage her money for her (Which I think is unlikely, given her behaviour). Or just stock up her cupboards with basics and leave her to it.