Date too close?

Kaylami

Hi all hoping to get your input on this!

So in December me and the other half set a date for the wedding (after 6 years and 2 kids) for September 2014.

The other day his sister (my chief bridesmaid) tells me her and her fiancée who got engaged in February are getting married October 2014.

Personally I think it's very close, at most 4 weeks, between the 2 weddings. I am concerned that his family will think its too much expense 2 weddings so close together and rather than pick one not turn up to either? I like his family and would be very disappointed if certain members didn't show.

Am I overreacting here?
I just wanted a different perspective before I talk to her about it?

garhjw

In my opinion it is too close for the same reasons you pointed out. Others will disagree but I don't think you we over reacting

niallam

Too close, a wedding can cost an average couple up to €1000 to attend after a new dress, new shirt and tie, accommodation, present and drink etc. more if its a 2 night party like most these days are.
If there was a similar situation in my own family I'd say something because I couldn't probably afford 2 weddings 4 weeks apart. And it's hard enough for people to get their kids minded for weddings because all the family are usually there so babysitters for 1-2 nights add up as well.

Ever2010

I really don't think you should say anything to her (or him) - it's really got nothing to do with you. Just think what a lovely month it will be for the whole family having two happy occasions so close together.

Plus you two can plan things together, if you want to go to bridal fairs etc - what a lovely way to spend time with your future sister in law.

Maybe some guests won't come to both - maybe some aren't invited to both - you can't control that - sure other people might have friends weddings etc around that time too. Just focus on the day for what it is - the love between you & your other half - the other stuff doesn't really matter.

Gatica

It does seem like a September and an October wedding would be quite close. We've gone to some weddings a month apart but they were for friends. All of the friends still went but we're all young professionals so it wasn't a big deal.

I can imagine that for relatives with children and more expenses it would be more difficult to do the same. They may have gone for October to leave what they felt is a gap between the two weddings, without actually wanting an autumn or winter wedding. If that is the case and you ask them to move it, they may need to have their wedding in spring or earlier in the summer. They may also not have wanted to have their wedding before yours or may simply needed time to save.
In either case, I'd approach this with care. Have a read through this forum and you'll notice how crazy people get about their weddings and how quickly consideration turns to competition.
I'd suss out the reasons for the date they chose and then see if it's still worth pursuing...

Merkin

It's 18 months away, people have plenty of time to plan for both. I think having them close together is nice and wouldn't worry about it tbh.

tatli_lokma

niallam wrote: »

Too close, a wedding can cost an average couple up to €1000 to attend after a new dress, new shirt and tie, accommodation, present and drink etc. more if its a 2 night party like most these days are.

WHAT!!!??? :eek:
must be some guna agus léine to cost near a grand! a couple of hundred maybe but not the guts of a grand for what you mention?

I thinkit's too close also OP - not just from a financial point of view for guests, but from a time off/babysitters/logistics point of view.

I would say that in a tactful way to address it, mentioning your concerns about people not attending one or both. They may not even have considered this aspect of it. Given she is your chief bridesmaid I would assume you have a good enough relationship to be able to discuss something like this without falling out.

Once mentioned, they might see your point and change, or they might not. But even if they don't change, I would advise against letting it get to you as it will cause rot to set in. As another poster said, it would be so much nicer if you can plan together rather than be feeling animosity towards each other.

niallam

Little Ted wrote: »

WHAT!!!??? :eek:
must be some guna agus léine to cost near a grand! a couple of hundred maybe but not the guts of a grand for what you mention?

Dress - 100-150
2 nights in a hotel - 250
2 nights of a babysitter - 50+
New Shirt and tie - 50
wedding present (its a family wedding) - 200
Drink for 2 people for 2 full days + nights - 300-400 ?
Your dinner on the second night - 50
Depending on how far away you live add in your €50 diesel.
Add in the cost of the stags and hens nights and weddings cost as much as a family holiday in the sun these days as a guest...


Family and close friends weddings are always a 2 day affair these days.

There's always the old dress, old shirt and tie, skimp on the present by giving 50 and 1 of you drive there and not drink but that never happens in reality

I've been to a lot of weddings lately, all my friends and family are at that marriage age now But i've spent easily near 1000 at most of them.

Gatica

I really cannot see how you cannot spend less than that without calling skimping.

• Dress - plan ahead and get on sale 80, e.g. monsoon or debenhams. Easy as.
• wear shoes you already have, doesn't black go with everything?
• 1 night at a hotel - If you choose to stay for 2 nights, that's cos you want to and can afford it. No one expects someone to hang around for a second night unless it's down the road.
• 1 night's babysitting
• sure, you may need a shirt and tie
• buy a present rather than giving cash
• I really don't know what you could possibly be drinking to cost that much. Most weddings provide sparking wine as part of wedding reception, wine as part of meal and toast drink. Sure, most people like to have a couple of pints and maybe a couple of shots later on in the night. but >300?
• no need for second dinner
• petrol/diesel - I guess that's unavoidable.

username123

Gatica wrote: »

I really cannot see how you cannot spend less than that without calling skimping.

You can spend less but I am hard pressed to remember a wedding where I didnt spend the guts of 1k between the two of us to attend. Even wearing a previous dress you usually would end up getting a new bag or shoes (something to make it a bit different).

Just for me:
A minimum of 100 euro on outfit (one or more of dress, shoes, bag, jewellery, fascinator etc..)

Hair, tan, manicure, (I do all these myself but I still have to buy the tan and hair dye and get it cut professionally etc..). - 50 euro?

Food - usually would have lunch between church and reception so as not to be drinking on an empty stomach. - 20 euro

Petrol - 25 euro

Accomodation - The cheapest I ever got in a wedding hotel was 120 for the room - so 60 euro (but its often a lot more).

Drink for the night - 70 euro?

Present - 75-100

Thats the guts of 500 euro right there and thats being quite cheap about it!

pwurple

Bar bill can go crazy at these things. a single round cost me 150 quid at the last wedding I was at. They were charging 8 quid for the glasses of wine! Eek. There were twelve of us there, siblings and spouses. 12 drinks and 12 baby guinnesses to go with them. Yes, totally stupid order to put in, but we hadn't been altogether in one room for nearly 3 years, so we were giving it socks.

Yeah, it racks up easily alright.

If you're spending 400 on drink over 2 days, the wedding is not your problem

lazygal

What quantity of drinks cost several hundreds of euro? We don't do rounds at weddings, we suit ourselves. Recycle outfits, drive home which saves on booze, hair/makeup/tan DIY, stay in b and b.......

Dolbert

+1 I've been to a lot of weddings and never spent close to that amount

pwurple

You can certainly spend less very easily, all excellent suggestions of how to go about that above... however at family weddings, people do tend to go for a new dress, feel more obligated to attend hen/stag events, and stay over. Your brother or sister's wedding is often more expensive than a friends or collegues.

No doubt about it, it will be expensive for the family to go to a brothers and a sisters weddings 4 weeks apart. What do the mum and dad think?

niallam

bluewolf wrote: »

If you're spending 400 on drink over 2 days, the wedding is not your problem

You've obviously never bought a round
Hope I'm never at your table at a wedding
And between 2 people that's 100 each per day/night. Without too much maths for you, 1 drink per hour from 4pm is probably over €60 at a wedding and nobody is that tight at a family wedding they don't buy the bride/groom and the best man a drink or two.

lazygal

niallam wrote: »

You've obviously never bought a round
Hope I'm never at your table at a wedding
And between 2 people that's 100 each per day/night. Without too much maths for you, 1 drink per hour from 4pm is probably over €60 at a wedding and nobody is that tight at a family wedding they don't buy the bride/groom and the best man a drink or two.

We are flat out going to family and other weddings the past few years and never spent hundreds on drink at any. There's usually a drink on arrival, wine, toast drink etc. I'd be looking at my drinking if I was spending that much.

1000 euro to attend a wedding? You can't be serious. If you have the money to go all out and buy a new dress, get fake tan/nails/make-up done, grand, but why pretend it's in any way a necessity? The only unavoidable costs are the present, transport and accommodation. I've just been to a wedding and spent:

Dress - 12E in River Island sale (it's a gorgeous dress and looks much more expensive, got so many compliments on it)
Shoes - simple black heels (30E in Barratts a few years ago, still look good because I only wear them to weddings)
Bag - really cute wrist strap bag for 6E in New Look about 5 years ago
Nail polish - 3 euro from Boots, already had it
Make-up - used the Urban Decay palette I bought over 3 years ago plus some liquid eyeliner and blusher from Boots
Present - 100 euro from myself and my partner
Hotel - 80 euro
Drinks - spent about 50 euro in total. Wine was provided with dinner and then I had a further 2 big glasses of wine and my partner had several pints. Don't see why you need to do rounds at a wedding.

I think some people seem to use weddings as an excuse to get plastered. There's no need whatsoever to spend hundreds on drink and outfits. To me, that's all a throwback from Celtic Tiger times. You only spend a grand attending a wedding if you want to.

Meathlass

I have 4 family weddings in the space of a month.

Brother on 20th July
Cousin on 31st July
Cousin on 21st August
Cousin on 31st August

All the same side of the family. Yeah it'll cost a fortune but the whole family is looking forward to it with lots of members returning from abroad. (Lots of joking about trying to get a grant for a Gathering Style event!) I'll probably have 2 separate dresses or maybe just one with different accessories. No one in my family will care if I wear the same dress 4 times in a row.

The big expense will be the hens (3 of them) and the accomodation plus presents. I'd say an average of €600 per wedding.

niallam

lazygal wrote: »

I'd be looking at my drinking if I was spending that much.

The second person to suggest I've a drink problem, thanks....
Just FYI I get to a pub maybe once every 3-4 months, if I want to spend 100 per night on drink at a wedding that's my business, it doesn't mean I've a drink problem I've often spent €50+ on a round of drinks because I'm just a nice guy :P

niallam

niallam wrote: »

The second person to suggest I've a drink problem, thanks....
Just FYI I get to a pub maybe once every 3-4 months, if I want to spend 100 per night on drink at a wedding that's my business, it doesn't mean I've a drink problem I've often spent €50+ on a round of drinks because I'm just a nice guy :P

Yes, it is your business. So don't claim it's the cost for the "average couple".

pwurple

bluewolf wrote: »

Yes, it is your business. So don't claim it's the cost for the "average couple".

He is talking about rounds. I don't drink much.. Two drinks in a night would be plenty for me. But if one is a round, then it's pricey.

I'd say rounds aren't a rarity at weddings. Wouldn't be too shocking to see a round at an average wedding in Ireland, would it?

lazygal

pwurple wrote: »

He is talking about rounds. I don't drink much.. Two drinks in a night would be plenty for me. But if one is a round, then it's pricey.

I'd say rounds aren't a rarity at weddings. Wouldn't be too shocking to see a round at an average wedding in Ireland, would it?

I think rounds are the exceptions rather than the rule these days not just for weddings but also nights out. I don't think we've ever done them at a wedding, mainly because there's usually a few drinks laid on, people not drinking because they're driving home after or sticking to the wine with dinner. I've actually found I drink less at weddings, probably because its a long enough day and I want to pace myself, plus there's usually loads of chatting and catching up to be done which seems to slow me down.

We did a free bar at our wedding and it came to a lot less than we thought. The bill showed exactly what was ordered and you can tell from it no one went mad drinking. Dividing the amount we paid by the number of day and evening guests, to give a rough idea of the spend per person on drink, wouldn't come near 100 per person, and we also had wine/bubbly on the go.

Gatica

yeah, I think rounds are common enough but not the required thing, if you know what I mean.
No one is forced or even coerced, I think, to take part in rounds. Lots of people just stick to buying their own drinks.

Cailleachdubh

You tend to notice too that at events where there's been a lot of rounds bought, there's loads of full and half full glasses lying around at the end of the night. It's pretty awful to see and a waste of money too. I know people mean well buying rounds and can be overly generous but it's really unnecessary, unless you're absolutely rolling in it.