a little advice needed

walterwhite

I have a problem and I would like some advice regarding this as it is beginning to annoy me. I recently started seeing this girl and last week she decided to call it a day. At the start of it (around Christmas) she was doing the entire running and making an effort to get together. I played it cool to see how things would progress. I wasn’t that into her but once we started seeing one another I began to like her….a lot. She then, out of the blue said she would like just to be friends and didn’t know if she was into it romantically. I said fine but literally the next 2 days she was asking me out for drinks with her friends I told her I wouldn’t be going but we were constantly hanging around. Were both in college. We got together again on a night out and then 2 weeks ago she said she had a feeling that it just wasn’t right and said she just wanted to be friends…again! I told her if this was her decision then fine but there wouldn’t be any going back on it and we should keep our distance from one another. She was upset and crying and I was slightly annoyed confused. Usually when people end things like this there is a sense of relief on their part! I’m the one that should be upset!!I said to her that maybe we spent too much time together at the start…we were constantly in each other presence. I then get a call off her the last day just for a chat and I’m like wtf. The thing is I do like her and want to be more than friends. How should I play it with this girl or is it dead in the water?? Did I not play the game properly?i am not into the bull**** of game playing though!

Merkin

She sounds like an out and out headwreck who doesn't know what she wants.

I'd give her a wide berth if I were you.

maria34

headwreck and doesnt think nobody elses feelings. only of her own ones. keep away, delete her everywhere and u will get rid of her before shes pregnant by u and all the real trouble starts.

plenty of nice fish in the sea :-)

Forever Hopeful

I disagree with other posters. Yes this girl is immature but OP, you said you weren't all that into her and played it cool. Obviously she picked up on that and ended it. Sounds to me like she is really into you but didn't know where she stood and (yes melo dramatic) ends things again to try and get a reaction out of you. You just go, whatever.... it's your decision but she wants you to say but I really like you!
Both of you need to grow up a little but that's how it reads to me.

DeltaWhite

Forever Hopeful wrote: »

I disagree with other posters. Yes this girl is immature but OP, you said you weren't all that into her and played it cool. Obviously she picked up on that and ended it. Sounds to me like she is really into you but didn't know where she stood and (yes melo dramatic) ends things again to try and get a reaction out of you. You just go, whatever.... it's your decision but she wants you to say but I really like you!
Both of you need to grow up a little but that's how it reads to me.

100% agree, she did all the chasing at the start and you "played it cool" sometimes that can look like you don't care or aren't bothered so I'm not surprised she called it a day, and obviously she must like you to go back to you. Move on.

Edit: in future - be out straight with future potential partners, save yourself a lot of headaches!

walterwhite

is it worth my while saying something to her about how i feel about her?i do have strong feelings for her.

Forever Hopeful

walterwhite wrote: »

is it worth my while saying something to her about how i feel about her?i do have strong feelings for her.

If you genuinely care about her, then yes. However, tell her you want to be with someone who says what they mean and mean what they say. Her actions completely contradict what she says.
Now if she turns around and says she doesn't want a relationship, then you have had a lucky escape as she will have revealed herself as a complete muppet who is going to be miserable unless she grows up. Either way you win.
Good luck!

maria34

Ofcourse its worth to tell her. Talking face to face is always good. But if she keeps acting like a teenager then forget it. Life is too short.

walterwhite

well i told her how i felt and she said it was a shame it didn't work out but she had a feeling not to continue it.she still wants to be friends and all that.its not the first time this has happened with her and relationships so i just think she has no clue what she wants.i am a little disappointed though as she is the type of girl i would go for.

Forever Hopeful

walterwhite wrote: »

well i told her how i felt and she said it was a shame it didn't work out but she had a feeling not to continue it.she still wants to be friends and all that.its not the first time this has happened with her and relationships so i just think she has no clue what she wants.i am a little disappointed though as she is the type of girl i would go for.

Op, good for you for telling her.
She sounds incredibly immature and you deserve someone more stable than that.
Who knows though... Somehow I can see her coming back again (she has a habit of saying one thing and sound another). If she does, don't accept less than you deserve. If she doesn't, well you are going to meet a lot more and you have learned some valuable lessons here. Good luck

maria34

If u are friends feelings for her then u cant be a friend. Tell her u cant, dont be in contact with her and maybe after a while when feelings are gone u can be a friend. If she doesnt understand then seriously - do u need a friend who doesnt care about u and your feelings.

Forever Hopeful

maria34 wrote: »

If u are friends feelings for her then u cant be a friend. Tell her u cant, dont be in contact with her and maybe after a while when feelings are gone u can be a friend. If she doesnt understand then seriously - do u need a friend who doesnt care about u and your feelings.

With all due respect, I don't think the Op needs to be that drastic. They are in college, he is going to see her. She is just saying the 'friends' bit to keep her options open. This girl is a flake and the Op showed maturity by calling it out on their situation. Best thing he can do is to keep cool now and move on.

beks101

walterwhite wrote: »

At the start of it (around Christmas) she was doing the entire running and making an effort to get together. I played it cool to see how things would progress. I wasn’t that into her but once we started seeing one another I began to like her….a lot.

So at which point did you stop "playing it cool" and express your feelings for her, to her?

Because this "coolness" probably constituted absolute head fuck of the Nth degree for her, and doubled up with her having to do all the chasing, it probably made her doubt that you liked her at all.

Unless you turned the whole thing around by telling her and showing her how much you liked her, you were most likely the master of your own downfall here.

DeltaWhite

beks101 wrote: »

So at which point did you stop "playing it cool" and express your feelings for her, to her?

Because this "coolness" probably constituted absolute head fuck of the Nth degree for her, and doubled up with her having to do all the chasing, it probably made her doubt that you liked her at all.

Unless you turned the whole thing around by telling her and showing her how much you liked her, you were most likely the master of your own downfall here.

Totally agree with this OP I understand people are cautious when starting a relationship/fling with someone but sometimes you need to let your feelings be known. Unless you were just unsure of her? Either way I'm sure you will have learnt something from this situation so that's a positive thing
ps I think her erratic behaviour was a result of not knowing how you felt, doesn't excuse her indecisive actions but I've been in her position before and it ain't nice!

Catphish

walterwhite wrote: »

I have a problem and I would like some advice regarding this as it is beginning to annoy me. I recently started seeing this girl and last week she decided to call it a day. At the start of it (around Christmas) she was doing the entire running and making an effort to get together. I played it cool to see how things would progress. I wasn’t that into her but once we started seeing one another I began to like her….a lot. She then, out of the blue said she would like just to be friends and didn’t know if she was into it romantically. I said fine but literally the next 2 days she was asking me out for drinks with her friends I told her I wouldn’t be going but we were constantly hanging around. Were both in college. We got together again on a night out and then 2 weeks ago she said she had a feeling that it just wasn’t right and said she just wanted to be friends…again! I told her if this was her decision then fine but there wouldn’t be any going back on it and we should keep our distance from one another. She was upset and crying and I was slightly annoyed confused. Usually when people end things like this there is a sense of relief on their part! I’m the one that should be upset!!I said to her that maybe we spent too much time together at the start…we were constantly in each other presence. I then get a call off her the last day just for a chat and I’m like wtf. The thing is I do like her and want to be more than friends. How should I play it with this girl or is it dead in the water?? Did I not play the game properly?i am not into the bull**** of game playing though!

walterwhite wrote: »

well i told her how i felt and she said it was a shame it didn't work out but she had a feeling not to continue it.

she still wants to be friends and all that.its not the first time this has happened with her and relationships so i just think she has no clue what she wants.i am a little disappointed though as she is the type of girl i would go for.

And around and around we go..

Neither one of you have the maturity to be in a relationship if you can't be straight up with your feelings. I think this silliness has gone on too long to make anything serious of it now at this stage, better off going your separate ways. If she calls looking for a chat or drinks or whatever, just tell her no thanks and you're moving on with your life. You took your chance, told her how you feel and she blew it back in your face again. I'd wager that she'll attempt to get back onto you whenever she needs her next ego boost. Let it go, for your own sake and in future be honest about how you feel, or expect more of this crap.

Distorted

It sounds like she was really keen on you but for whatever reason has gone off you a bit now. I don't think this makes her a gameplayer, or any of the more imaginative suggestions above, this is what happens in relationships - you get to know someone and decide whether or not to make it into something more serious. From what you write, my hunch would be that she didn't get enough back from you. You say she is the sort of girl you'd go for, but you weren't that into her in the beginning and she had to do most of the running. If shes the sort of girl you go for, then why didn't you do some of the running? Theres very few women who will keep doing the running if they're not getting much back. Very few people in fact. The fact she cried and so on makes it sound like she was very upset at ending it, so maybe have a think about how you treated her. Quite possibly she is attracted to you, but she just doesn't have the best impression of you right now, based on how you treated her.