domestic violence: to report or not?

Nanazolie

Hi

I hope you can advise me.
Some people moved in a house nearby a few months ago. Every other night, when I'm on my balcony, I can hear some shouting, late at night. Sometimes it's the kids (I think they are around 10 years old), sometimes a woman, presumably the mother. I could never hear what was shouted, and thought I would rather not intervene as it could just have been a row between the kids and the mom, you know yourself, might sometimes raise your voice louder than you'd like to.

Anyway, I was out on Saturday night, and when I came home at 2am, there were some more shoutings, this time I could hear a man saying 'get out of here', the lady I couldn't understand, but mostly I saw a child go down the stairs (the lights are always on and the blinds not pulled) and sit down on the stairs. It occured to me that I should report this, because of the kids. Yet, I'm undecided, I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. On the one hand, if anything happened and I had said nothing I would feel very very bad, on the other hand, I'm not entitled to judge people's lives. The mother might not want to get out of this relationship. The kids might end up being taken away from their parents. That might make things worse for them

Thanks

ABajaninCork

If there are kids involved, then absolutely I would report the rows. Not least because of the fact that you and others are being disturbed. But most importantly of all, I believe the children are at risk. You must do the right thing OP.

username123

Definitely report it. Its not judgemental. Perhaps even the wake up call of the guards calling to the house because someone reported the disturbance they could hear might give the person in the situation some hope that they are not alone.

And realistically speaking, if the cops call and all is quiet, nothing else will happen except it goes on the record.

Dont forget also that the law has changed (or is in the process of changing - someone else know more detail?) and people are obliged to report where they feel a child is being abused and the term abuse covers neglect, emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

Lux23

I was in the situation before and in the end I called social services, it turned out they had a number of other calls and were looking into it. The family got some help and it all seemed to die down, so I think you should do something.

Nanazolie

Thanks a lot for your answers. I have to go to the Gardai today for a passport, will ask them the best way to report this

Queen-Mise

ABajaninCork wrote: »

If there are kids involved, then absolutely I would report the rows. Not least because of the fact that you and others are being disturbed. But most importantly of all, I believe the children are at risk. You must do the right thing OP.

Nanazolie wrote: »

Thanks a lot for your answers. I have to go to the Gardai today for a passport, will ask them the best way to report this

Give an anonymous tip to the Social Worker on call or the Child Social Worker in your local area. Ringing your local Health Care Centre should have the SW's in there & they will point you in the right place.

The social workers will get involved, will call around for an interview. Basically it is the right thing to do. They will give all the help that is needed; they will talk to the school, their GP, etc.

Sometimes a family might just need some support, and you might actually be helping, it is not necessarily a bad thing you making the call.

Nanazolie

I asked the gardai, but they said only people within the family can report abuse, I can only call them when the shoutings happen and they'll pay a visit. I would have thought gardai were under so much pressure it should really be a call for social services rather than them.
Will contact the local Health Nurse as advised, thanks

Catphish

Nanazolie wrote: »

I asked the gardai, but they said only people within the family can report abuse, I can only call them when the shoutings happen and they'll pay a visit. I would have thought gardai were under so much pressure it should really be a call for social services rather than them.
Will contact the local Health Nurse as advised, thanks

Definitely get in touch with social services, and if it does kick off in the house again then be on the ball and get the gardai to go by the house.

Davidth88

Nanazolie wrote: »

I asked the gardai, but they said only people within the family can report abuse, I can only call them when the shoutings happen and they'll pay a visit. I would have thought gardai were under so much pressure it should really be a call for social services rather than them.
Will contact the local Health Nurse as advised, thanks

Really ?

Op , phone social services for sure.

cutymonalisa

The advice that only members of the family can report abuse in absolutely wrong OP and whatever Garda you spoke to should have a read of the 'Childrens First' Guidelines and pronto. Ring the Duty Social Worker in your local Health Centre and make a report. You can do so anon if you so wish. Either way the report must be looked into. If you hear more arguing in the early hours then please please tip off the Gardai. If they arrive and find all is not well then they will also have to make a report to the Social Work Dept and are required to do so under Childrens First. However please don't wait for this to happen again and make the call.

As a previous poster said its the right thing to do and you may actually be inadvertently helping that child who you saw sitting on the stairs in the early hours of the morning. Its only a phone call and could make all the difference in that little ones life. Keeping children safe is everybody's responsibility and for too long our society has turned a blind eye.

excalibur the swordsman

Yes report it to the gardai. The exact same thing happened when i was a child. Nobody reported it then either, this was in the 70's. But our neighbours could hear what was going on. Anyway, things got far, far worst for me as time went me at the hands of both my parents. I still suffer with my memories of that time to this day. I would have loved for somebody to have reported what was going on, i would have been put into care for sure. I would not have to live with the memories i have of that time. But nobody made that call. I always report any abuse of women or children.