What to do?

firsttime_tat

Hi everyone really hope some one can help. I've been in a long distant relationship for the past 8 months. My guy is from the UK. For the first 6 months everything was great, we saw each other regularly and got on great when we were together and talked everyday when we weren't. Any way about 2 months ago something changed he started acting like an a** to be honest just really cold and like he couldn't be bothered, I got so fed up in the end that i finished with him and it seemed like he didn't even care. I was devastated as i really love him and we had planned that i would eventually move over. Then a couple of weeks (and a lot of tears) later he contacted me said he was sorry was taking me for granted and missed me.It took a while but eventually I forgave him. He is genuinely sorry and realised the way that he was with me was not ok. Now were slowly getting back on track here's where the problem comes. He has asked me again about moving over and i don't know what to do. I haven't told any of my family and friends that I am talking to him again yet alone thinking about moving over to be with him and they don't like him after the way he treated me! Also I'm so worried in case it doesn't work out or we don't get on as well or if i will find work! He isn't pressuring me for an answer says its a big step and i need to really think about it. I honestly don't know what to do my heart is telling me to go for it but my head is all over the place! Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated!:)

daisybelle2008

OP, first off well done for not wasting time breaking up with him when he was acting like an assh*le. Always trust your gut instinct if you are having doubts. However if you do decide to go do not be afraid to move on if things go bad again. See it as a trial for a couple of months and only follow through as long as things go well with finding a job and the relationship.

CaraMay

I wouldn't move next door for him at this stage. Do you know the true reason he started acting like that? What's changed to make him value you? Why don't your friends and family like him. He sounds a bit nuts if he can go from blanking you to asking you to move country. You only know him 8 months ffs and ye have already broken up once. It really sound like too much hassle tbh.

Merkin

What was his explanation for suddenly treating you like sh1t? Have you really discussed that in depth? What were his reasons? I wouldn't even think about uprooting my life for him until I was on a lot stronger footing with him. Changing so suddenly and going cold like that would be a BIG red flag for me.

firsttime_tat

My family and friends don't like him because of the way he treated me. They think he is bad news. His reasons were that he was stressed he had a lot going on at the time with work ect. But he knows that the way he treated me was wrong and that it wobt happen again because he lost me he doesnt want that to happen again.

seenitall

Hi OP,

have you only ever been in a long-distance relationship with this guy? (Met him online maybe?)

If so, I wouldn't dream of moving countries for him. You don't really know someone until you've had lots and lots of time to observe them in their social environment; this guy could be telling you all sorts of stories and presenting an image of himself to you that may not have much to do with the reality of living with, let's face it, a stranger.

The truth about this person is that you're less than a year "together" and he's already found an inclination for acting like an a**. I'm sorry but that bodes very, very badly for the future, notwithstanding the apologies and the excuses and the "won't happen again"s. I've learned the hard way.

When the heart and the head clash, the head is usually right.

I do actually hope you talk about this to your friends and family soon, as I hope they will manage to talk you out of this plan.

Best wishes, whatever you decide.

Stavro Mueller

If you decide to give it another go, take your time. Only move if you feel comfortable about it. Not because this guy wants you to. After the way he behaved I'd consider the jury to be still out. You still don't know him all that well. His behaviour might be a pointer towards an unpleasant part of his personality.

firsttime_tat

I didnt meet him online but through a family members who live in uk and is friends with him. Ive met his family friends ect so i think i do know him well but obviously you never really know someone prope until you live with them!I also realise that when are together one of us was always on "holiday mode" so thats very different from the reality of living with someone full time.

firsttime_tat

Well it's only been a week and he's back to his old ways again. Just running really hot and cold and any time I try to talk him about he changes the subject or gets all defensive or makes a stupid joke. It's actually doing my head to the point where I'm just ignoring him which makes me no more better than him.Any ideas on how to solve this without losing my head altogether? :eek:

Lorna123

firsttime_tat wrote: »

Well it's only been a week and he's back to his old ways again. Just running really hot and cold and any time I try to talk him about he changes the subject or gets all defensive or makes a stupid joke. It's actually doing my head to the point where I'm just ignoring him which makes me no more better than him.Any ideas on how to solve this without losing my head altogether? :eek:

The best way to solve this is to break up with this guy, the only way. On no account move to facilitate him. Imagine how you would feel if you moved and he started acting like this. He would leave you high and dry. Forget about him OP and thank your lucky stars that you haven't moved.