In love with my friend. Any help would be appreciated.

Adolescenteen

I apologize for the obscure length of this piece, but I wanted to give people an understanding of my position and the overall situation.

Basically, before the start of the college year, my friend was seeing this girl. They weren't anything serious, but it was obvious she was very much into him. Herself and I took a shine to each other immediately and decided we should hang out in College*. What started up as the odd random meet up, became a regular event, where we would even start hanging out with each other on weekends. We started to build a really strong connection with each other.

I started to develop a small crush on her. It didn't help that my friend was starting to act like a complete ass to her. He would avoid her in clubs, reject any chance to spend time with her, spent time with his ex-girlfriend instead and when he spent a day in our college, he didn't even bother telling her he was around. But I figured it was just a crush and I had no intention of following on it, especially since she was still involved with my friend, even if it was on a micro-scopic level.

However, my birthday came around back in November and I knew deep down that I had developed very strong romantic feelings towards her. And I sensed that she was feeling the same way*. She made me a gift, bought a new dress for the night (that was a bit revealing) and when I inevitable got too drunk (over being so frustrated I couldn't have her), she looked after me.

For the next month, I couldn't stop thinking about her and fought the urge to just tell her several times. Sometimes we spent entire days together, and it felt like we were a couple. I had a trip to America at the beginning of December so, I decided, if I still felt very strongly about her when I got back, I would tell her.

I did and the day I decided I would tell her, my friend asked her to be his girlfriend. I was crushed and didn't know if I should still even tell her. I did, knowing it would be the end of our friendship for an indefinite amount of time. She told me she was sorry if she ever hurt me and she hoped we could go back to being friends again soon.

After that day, whenever we were in the same room, the tension and awkwardness between us was absolutely unbearable. It was also frustrating, when on New Years her boyfriend completely blew her off, while I couldn't even talk to her.

After RAG week in college, I decided I couldn't take the tension or the gut-wrenching pain whenever I saw them together anymore. I decided I'd take a bit of a hiatus from my friends and going out clubbing**.

That was over two months ago and I still have feelings for her. In truth, I'm in love with her. There was one occasion she text me at 6 in the morning, wanting to talk to me and saying that she missed me. There's just this part of me that won't die. A part that keeps saying "I should be with her".

She text me yesterday, saying she was worried about me and was wondering why I had become a hermit. In truth, I don't mind being away from my friends and inside. It's the perks of being an introvert, enjoying solitude. It's certainly more tolerable than the idea of seeing her and him together. I've put myself through some ordeals in the past and I don't think I can stomach this one.

I still miss her very much from time to time. But, if another girl came into my life, I wouldn't hesitate in taking the opportunity. There's no point in waiting around for someone who is unavailable. But I understand from being inside, I can't meet other girls.

So, finally, the advice I'm looking for is this. How should I handle the situation? Just suck up the pain, start going out again and hope I can meet someone else. Should I keep waiting until I'm completely over her? Or is there another alternative?

Any advice anyone could give me would be greatly appreciated.


*I've had a discussion with a couple of my friends who are girls, and they are universal in agreeing with me that she had some sort of feelings towards me.

**None of my friends (bar two) know nothing about the whole situation. She's also become integrated into our group. So if I choose to spend time with my friends, most of the time she's there. I can't really escape her.

dee_mc

I think you're both enjoying the drama, not necessarily saying that's a bad thing but to me it looks like you need to stop dancing around the situation, realise you don't even particulaly like your 'friend' and tell the girl you are
interested in her but only if the games and amateur dramatics stop here. I hope you guys have a future together and I hope it all works out how you want it to, but at the end of the day you need to do something, face to face and not by text, otherwise you could be wondering about this one in years to come good luck!

Lorna123

You did tell her how you feel OP and she didn't feel the same. So you have nothing to regret. You go out there now and mix and enjoy the company of others and stop acting like a hermit as this will only keep you thinking about what might have been. This girl enjoys knowing that you fancy her so don't get too involved in being friends with her this time around. Spread your wings and get friendly with others. Stop making what is happening between your friend and this girl your priority. Make it none of your business. You will shake this off in time if you get out there and mix more. It will take you longer to get over it if you alienate yourself from your other friends, as you will have nothing else to think about except the situation. Best of Luck.

Defiler Of The Coffin

Move on OP and don't waste any more time on the two of them. Make the most of your time in college and I'm sure things will work out for you