We don't want to get married, BUT ...

LegacyUser

Basically my issue is that my boyfriend and I do not want to get married, now or ever. We're in a very happy loving relationship, and we expect to spend our lives together. But marriage isn't important to either of us, and for various reasons, it's something we definitely don't want to do.

However, he IS what some would call my 'life partner', he's the most important person in my life. As such, we both want to put a framework in place to ensure that, legally, we both have rights similar to a married couple (insofar as possible.)

To do so, we intend to draw up three contracts. One with each other; one with my parents; one with his parents. These will NOT be legally binding; however we trust each other and we both trust each set of parents.

The contracts with the parents will basically involve the next-of-kin issue. If one of us is incapacitated, the other (rather than parents) will act as next-of-kin.

However, in real terms, how will this work in such a situation? Can the parents authorise someone else to act as next-of-kin over the phone? If not, is it possible to draw up a legal contract to make this enforceable - i.e. to have something tangible there at that place and time to ensure there is no confusion over next-of-kin rights, should such a situation arise?

Another matter in the contracts with the parents is that we intend to give parents all rights when it comes to deciding funeral arrangements. We are both atheists (as our parents know), but a Catholic funeral is what would give them peace, and we believe that funerals are for the living rather than for the dead.

The big thing, however, is to ensure that, in case of a death, the living parent has ALL rights to our children. Again, while we absolutely trust our parents to respect the 'unoffical' contract, how do we go about ensuring this legally? And what are the costs involved?

As for the contract between ourselves - this will basically deal with the children issue. We will be signing that, in the case of a separation, we will have absolutely equal rights. I'd appreciated any suggested detail in relation to this.

What I'm looking for, really, is advice as to what we should include in these unofficial contracts between ourselves and between ourselves and our parents. I've identified three major differences between married and unmarried couples - tax benefits, next-of-kin rights, rights to children. We have no control over the tax issue, but we intend to address the issues of next-of-kin and children within these contracts. But what else are we missing?

Thanks for any suggestions!

Taltos

Sorry OP - but you are quite clearly looking for legal advice which we cannot give here.

Please contact a solicitor for this type of advice or consider looking once more at your objections to marriage.

Thread closed.