On dating

Kafka09

I'm new to Boards.ie

In fact this is my first post!

I have mild Aspergers myself and I guess it pretty much has made me an easy target all my life, even though I dont look particularly strange, in fact many people, secretly say that I am very handsome. I have written many books- one of which is being published- play guitar, have a good circle of male friends, get involved occasionally with charity -I work for a charity as a career advisor, try to help people and have a huge interest in literature and Philosophy

Those last two topics scare people off....!

I guess that when I was young...I was quite Autistic...and found myself at the receiving end of many insults, people's ignorance and confusion. In school too I found that every time I tried to chat up a girl...I was mocked and fooled..in my gullible state of mind.

I have since...matured tremendously and my intellect has grown..I am one of a few remote romantics on the earth in a very cynical world! Because of this...I get mocked by manipulative and cruel women, again and again!

I personally think...that I have a phobia of women my own age...because they are so confident..look so good, often arrogant and it is hard to tell whether they even like you or not!

A friend of mine states "If your not a D4 head or a hipster or part of some clique, then you will be basically rejected for being an individual!" I guess i'd agree with him, from experience.

Internet dating is a waste of time! and so are all the chat up lines in existence! Because for a man, it is worse than an interview, because it is based on first impressions and appearances! No depth required!

If I could be celibate and concentrate on my writing, my work, improving my life and just stop bothering to try with women....then I would be a whole lot happier! I have achieved good things in my life and I really give my heart and soul to everything I work on!

daisybelle2008

Kafka09 wrote: »

I get mocked by manipulative and cruel women, again and again

If I could be celibate and concentrate on my writing, my work, improving my life and just stop bothering to try with women....then I would be a whole lot happier!

Hi OP, so why don't you stop bothering with women? You have a very negative view of women who you have bunched together in a generalised cynical stereotype. You have had this attitude for a long time, it doesn't look like changing. If you would be a whole lot happier not bothering then you have your answer. Concentrate on the things you like, like literature &!philosophy etc. and don't bother pursuing things you don't like (or have a negative attitude towards).

mikemac1

I think the reason you are being rejected is the smug, superior tone that comes across. And you a writer, you should know more about style and delivery then anyone here.

Lots of us got bullied at school and it's good that you've worked past that but maybe you've gone completely the other way, from shyness to arrogance.

Asbergers is not an excuse for a poor attitude towards others....

You talk about negative first impressions, sorry that's just what strikes me about your post.

Kafka09

I didnt mean to come across as smug... I guess that I can be embittered and I there is no excuse for it!

My negativity is no excuse...and your both right!

Sometimes a man can lose faith I guess, but I should concentrate on my writing, helping others etc, my passions and interests.

There is more to life than dating and relationships and your right I shouldn't lump all women into the one category...that's just stupid on my part.

I'm just going to take a break from worrying and concentrate on getting my life together.

mashedbanana

You didn't come across as smug, you came across as being very articulate, & intelligent. To some this might seem arrogant, but we are what we are. There is a thin line between a mad man & a genius you know! and it's fun walking that line! Especially when others just don't quite 'get' it!

Your other half is out there somewhere, and when the time is right, it'll all come together. Pay no attention to anyone who is rude to you, it's a sign of their short comings, not yours. If they can't be bothered to scratch the surface, to look for the real you... then move on. :-)

Kafka09

Thank you Mashed Banana!

I have good ambitions and good intentions...perhaps I do get misunderstood, when I mean no offence!

One of the most important facets for a good relationship is a good conversation, you need to find a person on whom you can communicate and enjoy each others attention tremendously!

I write philosophy, so I love to chat, banter and talk on the meaning of life etc...but not in a weird way!

Lenmeister

Why don't you try telling everybody in the online dating forum that they are all wasting their time then. You should drop by there some time, might learn a thing or 2. If you're having a lot of trouble dating or finding the wrong person, then you will just have to examine and scrutinise everything you do when dating.

If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten. Change yourself, better yourself, become more interesting and unique and attractive. There are plenty of books and online forums out there that teach you all of these things if you haven't done them already.

Forget your past, it's what you are doing now that counts. If you have a negative attitude about dating and / or women, get rid of it asap, it will just bring you down and keep people away from you. You don't come across in a bad way really, just a little annoyed and frustrated - because of lack of women? You're not the only one that's frustrated when it comes to dating, millions of others are in the same boat. If your work will make you happy, then go back to work. But obviously since you came on here to post about problems with dating, you do want to improve and find answers right? Well go find them and stop complaining about the whole thing.

Kafka09

Yeah, your right....

I suffer from Depression so that's why I get negative

and when I come round

I wake up and realise all the things I have going for me, the friends and family that support me, and your right I need to change my attitude.

Horses for courses, not all men have to marry or date..past is past, today is today!

Queen-Mise

Get involved with 'intelligent' interests and then you might meet some liked minded people. [Like college writing, drama, creative writing, poetry, philosophy groups, math, etc.]

There is definitely a girl out there for you but you will have to look very broadly around. The girl for you may be as isolated as you, so how would you go about finding her?

Kafka09

Havent a clue...dont think they grow on trees these days!:D

mikemac1

Get a blog

And that's meant in a helpful way