confused about lecturer (opinions please?)

LegacyUser

Need to vent... i'm confused...OPINIONS PLEASE?

Im in my late 20s and lecturer is in his early 30s when i first started attending his classes i noticed he was attractive but never thought about him after that.

However as the classes went on things got awkward between us i cant really explain the feeling, maybe it was sexual tension i dunno. We both avoided eye contact with each other if possible.

Once myself and a friend (who is in the same class) met the lecturer on the way to canteen before class started. He never looked at me, it was like i wasnt there but he talked away to my friend. After he'd got his stuff from the canteen, he stared over at me as he left.

Sometimes he would look at me from the corner of his eye while giving a lecturer (i know it was me he was looking at, as i was the only one sitting on that side of him)

If he asked me any questions in class he would stare into my eyes until i had to look away.

In the last few classes i had with him at times i could feel him staring at me. i tried to pretend i didnt notice as i found it impossible to concentrate in class when i looked into his eyes (i cant describe the feeling). The few times i did look back at him he looked away straight away.

Sometimes he seemed nervous around me like when he was handing out notes his hands were shaking when he was getting out the pages for me.

When we were saying goodbye at end of class instead of his usual goodbye to other women he would say a cya softly to me.

Maybe i was crazy but i felt like he was definitely attracted to me & there was something between us...

I am pretty sure he is single so when my classes finished with him after a few days i decided it would be a good idea to find him on facebook and add him...

HE DIDN'T ACCEPT MY FACEBOOK REQUEST...

I wish now i had never added him on facebook and dont know what i was thinking he was my lecturer after all but if i hadnt added him i would always have wondered "what if..."

I guess im confused by how he acted toward me and leaves me feeling that i obviously cant tell if someone is interested in me or not.

Trying to forget about him is the hardest part...

I'm hoping that he wont be the lecturer in any of my classes next year because that would be one unbelievably awkward class

blatantrereg

I'm a lecturer. A lecturer isn't supposed to go after students; it's very inappropriate. He really shouldn't be checking you out either - very unprofessional. You make him sound pretty creepy tbh.

You might be reading too much into him staring into your eyes when he asks a question. I usually look at people until they answer in my own classes. I'd be pretty embarrassed if someone took that as staring into their eyes the way you did But the rest of what you describe sounds very odd.

Not surprised he didn't accept your friend request. My reading would be that he is attracted to you but has no intention of acting on it overtly. He probably got a bit of a fright when he got your friend request - felt caught etc.

Lorna123

I just think that it was wishful thinking on your part. You were attracted to him and he probably sensed this and was trying to avoid you and then was a bit nervous anytime he was directly associated with you in case you read more into it. Just forget about him and move on.

dellas1979

Its no biggie.

Maybe he will/wont accept it. Maybe he does/doesnt like you.

All youve done is exchanged a few words and requested him on fb.

Think some of it comes from the fact you fancied him, tried a little more (something he cant/shouldnt do), and feel a bit rejected. You just have to remember, even if you are of the same age and if there was a mutual attraction there (this is not even clear-we can all read into someone we fancy looking at us/greeting us in a particular way, i.e., he fancies me), you are his student.

car.kar

I would forget about it all to be honest. I think you might be reading a bit too much in to the eye contact and the "cya", but either way - he's a lecturer and you're a student so nothing should ever happen here. If he is your lecturer next year, just act as you normally would, and leave it at that.

RubyRoss

I think you read too much into the eye contact. It's a normal part of teaching. There are certain students I lock eyes with because they always sit in the same area and it helps me remember to 'seem' like I'm looking around the room. Often these are mature students - over 24 - for the simple reason that they actually look back at me attentively rather than talking to their neighbour or playing on the phone.

Don't worry about it or the friend request

sam34

op, I can't believe you're in your late 20s. all this talk of him avoiding eye contact/staring into your eyes/ignoring you/looking out corner of his eye at you/'feeling' him looking at you etc is reminiscent of what I hear from my teenage nieces, not what I'd expect from an adult.

the interaction in the canteen- maybe he didn't recognise you or couldn't recall your name or was having a conversation with your friend and simply wasnt interested in talking to you.

of course he looks at you when he asks you a question and is waiting for you to answer- it'd be more unusual if he didn't.

re the shaky hands- maybe he has a tremor. maybe he was hungover. maybe he's on meds that give him a tremor. or maybe you've been making him feel uncomfortable by your behaviour.

re 'cya' - seriously? do you expect him to use the exact same words and tone of voice when dealing with every single student??

re the Facebook request, tbh I think that was quite inappropriate of you, given that there's a possibility he'll be your lecturer again next year. I'm not surprised he ignored it.

I think you've seriously over-thought this and read into things that simply aren't there.

Big Bag of Chips

There is a good chance he's attracted to you. Just because he's a lecturer doesn't mean he's blind!

But what being a lecturer does mean, is that he can't act on it.

On the other hand because you fancy him, you might be reading more into things than is there.

Most people know when someone fancies them. If he thinks you fancy him, he might be behaving differently towards you, because he's uncomfortable.. or because he fancies you too, but knows it's not worth his job.

Your lessons are over with him, for this year, but he knows there's a good chance he'll be lecturing you next year, and it's a bad idea to blur the boundaries.

I wouldn't worry too much about the Facebook friend request. He's a lecturer, I'm sure it happens regularly, and they (lecturers) probably have a policy not to accept friend requests from students.

I know in an activity I'm involved in it is advised that we don't accept friend requests from the people we are in charge of to our personal Facebook pages. But we'd still often get requests..

LegacyUser

Thank you all for you opinions, especially those of you who are lecturers yourself, yous really helped me put things into perspective.

I've definitely read way to much into things. I agree with sam34 that adding him on facebook was very inappropriate & I don't know why i did it (i'm normally the shy one that doesn't take chances)

I need to forget about him and move on with my life... you's all helped in making me realize this.

Thanks

mathproblem

Have you considered that maybe it's the other way around. You're reading so much into everything that i'd have to wonder if it isn't totally obvious that you fancy him & hence he is a bit put off balance, doesn't know where to look, doesn't relax normal when talking to you in the corridor like the others etc.

he could fancy you back a little or he could be not attracted at all but either way the whole situation makes him feel awkward because he's worried about the whole student/teacher thing in any way hurting his career and he's not smooth enough to just play it/you off in a jokey way.

just a thought. Anyway if you still feel there was something real, a spark there, then once the student teacher relationship has ended completely you could put it to him more directly and get a straight up answer. You said classes had finished/nearly finished but maybe he still has to grade exams/assignments of yours etc, it might freak him out to think he might one day be accused of impropriety in some way over it all.

Lenmeister

You're reading way too much into it OP. And another thing, don't add your lecturer that you fancy on facebook...

Blatentrereg, I'm pretty sure it's against policy for a lecturer to have a relationship with their student?

RubyRoss

confusedaboutlecturer wrote: »

adding him on facebook was very inappropriate & I don't know why i did it (i'm normally the shy one that doesn't take chances)

Don't worry yourself about that at all. Lots of students do it and lecturers often accept - depending on the kind of relationship they have with students. Because you two are closer in age - that's probably why he didn't accept in case there was a misunderstanding. Honestly, it's nothing to bad about.

ladysarah

do not worry about it. you didnot make a pass at him no harm done. my friend is a lecturer and he is friends on facebook with his studnts

LegacyUser

It happens with lecturers a lot more than we know and if your lecturer is a young guy in his 30s I'm sure he gets it a lot.

Keep your crush on him as a fun secret and don't expect it to go any further than that. Maybe it will but just better to keep your expectations low.