Words

ifeelgood

I have just started coming out and I don't mind saying that i'm gay but i hate saying i'm a lesbian. I don't know why i'm hating on the word lesbian so much.:eek:

Does anyone else hate using certain words to describe their sexual orientation.

lemon_sherbert

I don't use lesbian so much either, especially disliked it when coming out initially - I think it's because it's a noun. 'I am a lesbian' sounds like you are summing up all of who you are in one word, when no one can encapsulate their whole being in one word. Whereas, 'I'm gay', an adjective, sounds more like just describing one aspect of yourself - I'm tall, I'm female, I'm cynical etc.
But congratulations on making these first steps, whatever words you're using

Ambersky

I'm Lesbian is used as well as I am a Lesbian.
I am not a (cun)linguist but I imagine the, I am a, is part of our herstorical legacy and partly to do with the rules of the English language.
There was a time when gay men used phrases like “I am a friend of Dorothy” or “I am an invert”. In modern English, "gay" has come to be used as an adjective, and as a noun, referring to the people, especially to males,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay
The same is probably true for descriptions of women and the word Lesbian as noun and adjective.

If you go looking up translations of the word Lesbian in order to find out if you like the sound of it any more in another language, you will usually have to sift through the various slang put downs and jokes about Lesbians in those various languages, in order to get to the actual translation of the word Lesbian.
Lesbians are a minority within a minority in the Gay community and even Gay men can at times be heard to refer to Lesbians in general, in a derogatory way, using words like “fish” or “bull dyke” to refer to us or saying things like “I don’t mind lesbians but I like a woman to look like a woman”.
On top of that is the popularity of “lesbians” in porn or as straight male fantasy. Lesbians are so sexualised within our culture that it can be difficult for some people to think of Lesbians as anything other than sex objects.
So why wouldn’t a woman new to the LGBT scene be uncomfortable about the word Lesbian.

Some women say they just don’t like the sound of the word Lesbian.
The kind of recoiling to the word Lesbian that sometimes happens looks too much like an emotional reaction to me, its personal. We have emotional reactions to words because of their negative meanings or associations not to their sounds.

Women don’t usually become comfortable with the word Lesbian until they can replace the negative associations they grew up with or unfortunately acquired on the Gay scene, until and unless they can replace that negativity with new positive associations. That usually means meeting women that identify as Lesbian and liking what they are about.
It can take time to replace the old negative associations with new positive ones.

Not all women choose to identify as Lesbian. They may not feel it accurately describes who they are, it may not describe their sexual preference even though they have sex with women, they may prefer another word for personal or political reasons.
Its just fine to choose another word or name or description for your sexual identity.
It is one position to choose or fit into another description for yourself, leaving those who choose to name themselves as Lesbian with that name and without feeling the need to slag them off.

I am arguing that the active dislike of the word Lesbian often says more about where the person disliking it is coming from i.e. a lesbophobic culture, than any actual inherent problem with the word itself.

jaffacakesyum

Congrats on coming out! I wouldn't worry about what sort of terminology you use, just go with what you're comfortable with!

I'm bi but more attracted to women and I would prefer the terms 'gay' or 'lesbian' as opposed to 'dyke' 'queer' etc. but each to their own

DazMarz

I never really cared too much until I came out to some of my friends. When things went pear shaped with some of them, "******/fag", "queer" and other threats and horrible things got rolled out.

When there's no malice or intent in the words or meant by the person who says them, I'm cool. When it comes from someone who's actually threatening to out you to the world at large or someone who's a genuine bigot, you start to feel a bit upset about it, to say the least.

ifeelgood

Thanks,

I think I perceive the word lesbian with negative connotations.
From friends in the past describing someone as such a lesbian. I think if i wasn't gay I would most likely do the say the same thing.
But the fact is not all lesbians are stereotypical gay.

I think it's an issue i will just have to work on and I will most likely become more comfortable with the word over time.

Annasopra

ifeelgood wrote: »

Thanks,

I think I perceive the word lesbian with negative connotations.
From friends in the past describing someone as such a lesbian. I think if i wasn't gay I would most likely do the say the same thing.
But the fact is not all lesbians are stereotypical gay.

I think it's an issue i will just have to work on and I will most likely become more comfortable with the word over time.

I don't think it's a big problem - if you want to just define yourself as gay then fine.

Mandarins

I am in a similar situation and avoid the use of the word "lesbian". Much prefer "gay"...

Ambersky

My post is a kind of political way of looking at why people have certain reactions to the word lesbian. But of course individuals should go with what they are comfortable with.
Its only if or when an individual is interested in looking at why they may have certain feelings about words that they may be interested in looking at the social context of those feelings.
As with other things in life its important to be true to yourself, you are where you are at and whatever word you feel fits or you are happy with is the right one for you, right now.

playedalive

Ah I understand where you're coming from, I don't like defining my sexuality in a word when telling people (I.e. I am bisexual...). For me, it's probably a fear of people treating me differently. I don't want to be some girl's token 'gay mate', which the media/society portrays in some instances. I just want people to like/hate me for my personality, not for my sexuality.

What I wanted to say was don't feel you need to use a label. Of course, sometimes, you need to. But, you're you first and foremost.

floggg

playedalive wrote: »

Ah I understand where you're coming from, I don't like defining my sexuality in a word when telling people (I.e. I am bisexual...). For me, it's probably a fear of people treating me differently. I don't want to be some girl's token 'gay mate', which the media/society portrays in some instances. I just want people to like/hate me for my personality, not for my sexuality.

What I wanted to say was don't feel you need to use a label. Of course, sometimes, you need to. But, you're you first and foremost.

I can understand where you are coming from, and used to kind of think like that myself (I feared being defined by the word gay).

Now that, I realise I define the word gay, it doesn't define me. If people want to make assumptions about me based on that word, that's there business not mine.

In any event their assumptions tend to be shattered once the spend more than 5 minutes with me.

playedalive

floggg wrote: »

If people want to make assumptions about me based on that word, that's there business not mine.

Yeah I need to stop their assumptions being mine, people will obviously perceive me in different ways (geeky, bonkers, plain weird...). I just need to not be sensitive over it.

Aurongroove

when grappling with homosexuality It's very common for people to "not like certain words": "I'm offended by pansy" "I don't like the word queer" "****** is so offensive" etc etc

It's so common one might imagine that's it's some sort of inbuilt negative association 'trick' that is a common tool people use in order to come to terms with complex issues.
A person may sometimes group their own personal negative feelings towards their homosexuality, as well as negative enegry perceived from others and then think "right that's this word, but I would describe myself as that word"

The only advice I have is do whatever feels right to come to terms with who you are, and at a later date you can tackle any strange or overly strong semantic associations you've developed (for example hating the word lesbian)
Just like one would try to conquer a phobia or a unusual hatred of a food stuff.

Don't beat yourself up about having a semantical "sore spot"; it seems almost everyone has one and we're only human.
On the other hand where a lot of people seem to go wrong is, they begin going around advertising their offense and wearing it loudly and stubbornly, as though it grants them some sort of right and that the rest of the world needs to yield too.
Some people are so used to doing this that they don't even see it as an issue!

Doug89

Yaaay for coming out! I'm personally not the biggest fan of lesbian either, I tend to go more with gay, gay lady, or just a girl who likes girls.