Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Afraid I will miss my boyfriend too much to enjoy time away

  • 17-04-2013 1:00pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hello :)

    This summer I am going away for three months on a J1. I have been saving for a long time for this and am going with one other girl, my best friend.

    I am really excited about it but also apprehensive. I will be leaving my boyfriend for that time (we have been going out for over a year and a half now). When I booked it I was very much in the mind set that I won't let any boyfriend hold me back, like I see my friends doing.

    As the time draws nearer, I am so scared I won't be able to enjoy it fully because a part of me will always be missing my boyfriend. I would be reluctant to admit this, but he truly is my number one. As unhealthy as this sounds, I think about him all day. We are already long distance so I can go a week without him but he is always on my mind. I would never tell other people this, but I love him so, so much. Maybe him not being there could also be a positive thing as I could get to know myself more not in a couple? It's hard always thinking about someone else.

    I feel sick to my stomach when I think about myself potentially ruining/not fully enjoying my time there because of my boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I am most definitely still going, without any doubt!, but does anyone have any coping methods for missing someone?

    There isn't an option of him coming to visit because I think it would be unfair on the girl I'm going with to be stuck with a couple for any length of time on such an expensive working holiday. I know if I said it to her she would agree but in her heart she wouldn't like it (as I wouldn't in her position) and it would just be unfair.

    Any advice? Encouragement? Tips? Tricks? :)


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 632 ✭✭✭Lyra Fangs


    Hello :)

    This summer I am going away for three months on a J1. I have been saving for a long time for this and am going with one other girl, my best friend.

    I am really excited about it but also apprehensive. I will be leaving my boyfriend for that time (we have been going out for over a year and a half now). When I booked it I was very much in the mind set that I won't let any boyfriend hold me back, like I see my friends doing.

    As the time draws nearer, I am so scared I won't be able to enjoy it fully because a part of me will always be missing my boyfriend. I would be reluctant to admit this, but he truly is my number one. As unhealthy as this sounds, I think about him all day. We are already long distance so I can go a week without him but he is always on my mind. I would never tell other people this, but I love him so, so much. Maybe him not being there could also be a positive thing as I could get to know myself more not in a couple? It's hard always thinking about someone else.

    I feel sick to my stomach when I think about myself potentially ruining/not fully enjoying my time there because of my boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I am most definitely still going, without any doubt!, but does anyone have any coping methods for missing someone?

    There isn't an option of him coming to visit because I think it would be unfair on the girl I'm going with to be stuck with a couple for any length of time on such an expensive working holiday. I know if I said it to her she would agree but in her heart she wouldn't like it (as I wouldn't in her position) and it would just be unfair.

    Any advice? Encouragement? Tips? Tricks? :)

    I was with my boyfriend three years when I had to go abroad for a year as part of my undergraduate degree. When there were a couple of months before I had to go I was all excited, buying stuff I needed, planning all the things I was going to do and thinking about all the fun I was going to have. Like you I never wanted to be held back by my relationship, never wanted to turn into one of those girls so dependent on being with their partner that I was never able to be apart from them to pursue my interests in travelling and seeing other cultures.

    However as the departure date crept closer and closer I became more and more certain that I wouldn't be able to make it that long without seeing them to the point that I'd get upset just thinking about leaving. Still I had no choice, it was either go or stay behind and waste my time doing random modules while all my friends had the time of their life. I knew I'd regret it.

    Long story short I stuck with it and left for the year. I'll be honest the first few weeks were unimaginably hard. Not only had I never been abroad by myself before but I could never have imagined how much I'd miss my partner. I was so shell-shocked with the change that I even went as far as to plan my flights home. But with each day that past it got easier and easier. I don't mean this in a bad way but I adapted to my new situation as if I had become single all of a sudden. That doesn't mean I went out and got lucky but that I put all thoughts of my partner out of my mind until it came to skyping/emailing, otherwise it would just upset me and undermine the progress I had made.

    It might not seem like it now but it'll be the best thing you could do. It'll give you a new sense of confidence and strength that you could manage without your partner and it'll actually bring you closer because you'll have realised how much you mean to each other.

    Good luck and I hope you have a great time!! :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    I wouldn't rule out the idea of him coming to visit. You'll meet other people over there so your friend shouldn't be dependent on you once you settle in.


Advertisement