Exaggerated and now I feel awful

Lunni

Hi everyone,

Bit of a weird problem here. I'm a 27 year old female and I've had quite a tough past few years with various health problems - relatively minor stuff but many different things which have required at least weekly hospital appointments, blood tests, biopsies etc. This caused me quite a bit of stress, especially as I have a 'zero hours' contract which means I don't get paid for time off work and I've had a LOT of time off work. For a long time, I was always waiting on one result or another, so in a state of constant anxiety, dreading the phone ringing in case it was bad news etc.

Anyway, I was in the pub with one of my colleagues, a guy I'm pretty close to (just as a friend) and he asked what exactly was wrong. Well..one of the biggest issues was that I had an HPV virus infection from an ex-boyfriend who cheated on me, and this caused recurrent abnormal biopsies showing precancerous cells which meant I needed to go for a colposcopy and biopsy on my cervix every few months. I have a family history of cancer so this was quite worrying. I also started to develop bleeding and other issues from the 'rear end' and I was recently sent for loads of tests and a colonoscopy, as the doctors were concerned it may be anal cancer, which my aunt currently has. Stupidly and flippantly, when my colleague asked what was wrong, I said 'oh, my body's trying to give me cancer', as that was how it felt at the time with this persistant HPV infection which has been causing precancerous cells for years and the doctors seeming a bit concerned about the anal cancer possibility.

He was really shocked and said he had no idea it was that serious and now to be honest, I feel like a fraud and an awful person, as he must thinks it's a lot more serious than it really is. My problems have been draining and unpleasant for me but there are lots of people who have actual cancer (as far as I know I don't) and are so much braver and stronger than me and going through chemo etc and I'm ashamed that I let him think (inadvertently) that I had something really serious. It just slipped out and sounded much worse than I meant it to but now I can't take it back. What should I do? Leave it? Apologise? Explain that it's far better than it sounded?

MissFlitworth

You're not an awful person, you made a flippant remark based around something that's genuinely a concern for you because of your symptoms, history and family medical background. S'no biggie. If you think he could have taken it to mean something more than an off the cuff, pissed off & worried comment then you could tell him it was just an annoyed remark. I don't think you should be ashamed though!

Paddy Cow

Tell him asap that you think he got the wrong end of the stick. He might go around telling people you have cancer and they will say you don't and he will think you are the worst sort of person for lying about it (even though you didn't mean to). This could get out of hand really quickly so you have to set him straight.

mathproblem

aww don't sweat it you've not really done much wrong at all. If he's a friend you could just explain to him that it was a pre-screening thing/history in the family/you were anxious about it all etc. I'm sure he'll totally understand. You don't even need give all that much detail to convey the message.

Lots of times whole families of siblings have to go in for tests to rule out common family issues when they reach a certain age. It would not be unusual for someone to have symptoms that could be of that disease or could be totally innocuous, but that may weigh on their minds at the time until they get the all clear.

What you said really doesn't cross the line of that type of honest anxiety. It's not like you went around fundraising for yourself on the back of it all or something crazy. I would let him know that it's not come true though as he may be worried for you, just something like: "that thing came back all clear thank goodness, didn't mean to be so dramatic i was in a bit of a panic there, thanks for listening"

Lunni

Well, it wasn't even a routine test, I am having worrying symptoms and I have had piles of irregular biopsies with no signs of going back to normal, which for my aunt and other family members led to cancer, so that's why I phrased it like that...just mortified now at how dramatic it sounds. I guess I just wanted to avoid explaining in detail exactly what was wrong and at the time my emotions were running high and I really did feel like my body was trying to give me cancer, which I know is ridiculous, but it felt like one thing after another and another family member diagnosed with cancer after another. I guess I'll just tell him it's not as dramatic as it sounds and hope he understands...

mathproblem

of course he will. And there's no need to go into detail if you don't want to either. Just let him know that it's not cancer, he doesn't need to know whether it's a routine test, a cancer test, a hpv test or anything else besides. Just some medical stuff was getting you down and you'd rather not go into detail. Most lads would have the sense at that stage to offer you a bit of sympathy without poking any further into your private business.

Diziet

Are you OK now? Just tell him you got the all clear and that you are very relieved. You didn't say anything wrong, you must have been going through the mill at the time.

AnonoBoy

Well to be honest it doesn't sound like you exaggerated too much at all.

If you feel bad though just mention to him that you said what you said because of the stress of all the tests/illness etc. You don't have cancer but with all the tests you were undergoing it felt like your body was trying to give you cancer, hence what you said.

He'd want to be an awful c*ck to not understand.

Best of luck.

Lollipops23

OP, don't be worrying about what you said.

You didn't say "I have cancer", you made an off the cuff remark about your situation. Seriously, it sounds like you've had a very hard time of it, don't be stressing over something as trivial as this remark.

Look after yourself, hope you feel better soon x

Queen-Mise

I think what you said to him was probably the truth & that has shocked you more so.

Your body is trying to give you cancer, or giving the symptoms of it, or something is going on anyway. By virtue of the fact, of the amount of hospitals appts you have had - the doctors agreed with it too.

If you say anything to him, apologise for how flippant you sounded, maybe but that is all. And reiterate that you don't have cancer, but the doctors are checking for signs of it, every six months type thing.