husbands gotten his girlfriend pregnant

LegacyUser

To be honest I don’t know how to start this

I am 27… I am married 4 months , and 3 weeks after our wedding my husband left me and ive just been informed his girlfriend is pregnant.

I was with him since I was 18- I am 27 he is 31. Before we got married the subject of children came up, he always told me he wanted kids and we decided after the wedding we would start trying.

I gave him a million chances to get out of this marriage- as a paranoid "bride to be" I sat down with him and asked him “did he want what I wanted” in terms of marriage kids and he said he did. We had an amazing wedding- he cried when I walked up the aisle, he cried during our 1st dance.. and when we went on honeymoon we had a great time, he kept talking about us having kids and buying a home together etc.

When we got home I was so busy with sending thank you notes and work I didn’t cop what he was doing- he was packing things away bit by bit . One day I came home and he wasn’t there and all his stuff was gone .He had left me a note

Dear XXXXXXX
I am gone, I am sorry but you left me no choice. I don’t want what you want. You want kids and im sorry I don’t want that, I want to travel the world and experience things. Im young , I shouldn’t have married you and I am sorry

Since then I have been told he has shacked up with a 22 year old with 2 kids and now she is pregnant with his child. On his facebook (I saw it through a mutual friend) it says “ just found out my little love muffin is carrying a mini love muffin- Im going to be a daddy!!!

I actually vomitied from the shock.

I don’t know what im supposed to do now

pwurple

Count yourself lucky I'd say. He sounds like a right piece of work.

3DataModem

hgawp wrote: »

I don’t know what im supposed to do now

Be eternally grateful this POS didn't knock you up too. Unfriend on Facebook, move on.

Taltos

OP - go see immediately about getting an annulment - I know someone who went through something very similar. His then wife revealed all on their honeymoon. Either way it is a slow process but worth looking into.

Sounds like you really did have a lucky escape - he could have continued in his deceit for years more...

Uriel.

3DataModem wrote: »

Be eternally grateful this POS didn't knock you up too. Unfriend on Facebook, move on.

If only things were that simple.


OP very sorry to hear of this awful situation you are in. Your "husband" is a complete_______(Fill in the blank) and a coward.

Had you any suspicions? I guess you may have if you gave him opportunities to call things off pre wedding?

As ****ty as it is, you need to start thinking practically very quickly. Presumably you are in rented accommodation? Start looking at the lease and consider if you can afford to pay the rent yourself and/or if you can/would prefer to move somewhere else. Start looking at options regarding annulling the marriage etc. Look at Joint bank accounts. You most likely would have shared very personal stuff with him. Think of changing passwords to your accounts, email online banking etc.

Most importantly sit down with trusted, supportive friends and/or family. You wont get through this on your own and you shouldn't try.

It's not going to be easy especially so soon after the wedding, you'll have all sorts of emotions in the weeks and months ahead, including shame and embarrassment but you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Hold your head high and make sure people know that.

It's an awful pity you didnt find out earlier but at least it wasn't a few years down the road when you had children with this complete Muppet.

I cant even find the words to describe this guy, perhaps its best not to use them here in PI anyway.

Remember to look after yourself op this is going to be very emotionally tough and you need to be careful make sure not to face it alone.

Best of luck

Catphish

hgawp wrote: »

To be honest I don’t know how to start this

I am 27… I am married 4 months , and 3 weeks after our wedding my husband left me and ive just been informed his girlfriend is pregnant.

I was with him since I was 18- I am 27 he is 31. Before we got married the subject of children came up, he always told me he wanted kids and we decided after the wedding we would start trying.

I gave him a million chances to get out of this marriage- as a paranoid "bride to be" I sat down with him and asked him “did he want what I wanted” in terms of marriage kids and he said he did. We had an amazing wedding- he cried when I walked up the aisle, he cried during our 1st dance.. and when we went on honeymoon we had a great time, he kept talking about us having kids and buying a home together etc.

When we got home I was so busy with sending thank you notes and work I didn’t cop what he was doing- he was packing things away bit by bit . One day I came home and he wasn’t there and all his stuff was gone .He had left me a note

Dear XXXXXXX
I am gone, I am sorry but you left me no choice. I don’t want what you want. You want kids and im sorry I don’t want that, I want to travel the world and experience things. Im young , I shouldn’t have married you and I am sorry

Since then I have been told he has shacked up with a 22 year old with 2 kids and now she is pregnant with his child. On his facebook (I saw it through a mutual friend) it says “ just found out my little love muffin is carrying a mini love muffin- Im going to be a daddy!!!

I actually vomitied from the shock.

I don’t know what im supposed to do now

I'm sorry, but what a cowardly bastard. He wasn't man enough to tell you face to face after spending so many years together. I can only imagine the shock when you found that note.

Do you know what he is? a fool of a man. If you are to take anything from this, as Taltos said it's a good thing this didn't go on for years before you found out. You still have the rest of your life ahead of you, you can meet someone else that makes you happy.

You could try for an annulment as Taltos said, but it may be hard to get. See a solicitor asap and see what your options are. Get this turd of a man out of your life for good.

ash23

Oh god OP, you poor thing. What a kick in the teeth.

I get what people are saying in that you will in time be glad that you didn't have a child with him because it makes it so much more complicated splitting up. But right now you have to mourn for the life you thought you were going to have.
There will be a whole heap of emotions and they will rage and change hour by hour. Anger, depression, devastation.....they'll all hit you. Block him from facebook. You don't need to see his absolutely thoughtless updates. What a complete sh1t to be posting like that after what he did. You would think he would have some consideration. However, one lesson I learned that hard way is that you can't hold someone to the same standards you have. Sadly, some people are just......words fail me.

He clearly is just being completely thoughtless and not having any regard for your feelings, therefore he is poison to you right now. So cut him off completely. You need to extract him from your life before he does even more damage.

I know you are heartbroken but this WILL make you a stronger person. I hope you have good friends and family who will help you through this. Just know that it's one chapter of your life and it will end and a new (better) chapter will begin.
Keep busy, do new things, go new places. There is a new future ahead of you and while it's very hard to let go of the future you thought was ahead of you, you will. It will hurt and unfortunately the only way through it is to brace yourself and face it head on. You probably feel totally powerless and like your life is no longer in your control. And parts of it aren't. But a lot of it is.
Take control back and start looking into how to dissolve the marriage and how to make sure that you cut all ties with the absolute bast@rd your ex has now become. People change and it's not always for the better.

I wish you well OP. You're stronger than I think you even know. And you will come out the other side of this.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

You've got two sides to this awful situation you have to deal with. Firstly there's the practical side of things. You need to speak with someone regarding the legal standing of your marriage and how you want to proceed regarding ending it ie divorcee vs annulment - they are two very different things and you want to make sure you get the best advice on what is best for your situation. You need to check the standing on anything you mutually own/share - bank accounts/bills/etc etc - anything that has both your names on it. Go speak to a professional and get yourself sorted so this asshat can't come back and hurt you down the line.

You've also got the emotional side of things to deal with. This is so much easier said then done but consider speaking to your GP about a referral to talk with someone. It will take time but you will come out the other end the stronger person OP. Don't be tempted to get into any petty revenge type situations with this guy, the best way to deal with someone like him is to go out and live your life to the fullest. It's going to suck for a while but it will get better.

Queen-Mise

Go and see immediately about the annulment - it would be the simplest way out of this situation. Sort out your legal situation ASAP.

What happened was horrific, and he is a bad bast*rd to do that. As said above, it may sound callous, but be happy that you are away from him. At least he walked out and didn't have the relationship behind your back.
This could have been far worse in a year or two's time.

And get some emotional support - go to a counsellor/therapist and get some help dealing with this. Walk away and move on with your life.

ABajaninCork

OP, I can't imagine what you're going through. It must be awful. And yes - the man's a cnut. I hate that word, but there's no other way to describe him. Mind you - good riddance to bad rubbish. That thing is something you'd scrape that thing from your shoes.

First things first. Have you any bank accounts with him? Get those sorted ASAP before Prince Charming has a chance to empty them. Get legal advice. A lot of solicitors won't charge for an initial consultation.

I'd get out of the house too. Go and stay with your parents or friends. Sitting in there with reminders all around you won't do you any favours. Either shut off your phone, or find a way to block his number. You'll need to speak to him at some point, but now isn't a good time...

Take a couple of days leave from work too, to try to get your head straight.

I'm so sorry, OP. Be strong, my sister. We're here for you.

username123

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I'd get out of the house too. Go and stay with your parents or friends. Sitting in there with reminders all around you won't do you any favours.

Assuming you have a mortgage on the house and not renting - Id say stay in the house. No point in giving him possession of what is under law the family home (once you spent one night in it as a married couple - its the family home in Irish courts).

Why should the OP pay half a mortgage for a house that he lives in and then rent somewhere herself - she didnt choose to end the marriage?

Stay where you are OP and get legal advice.

Merkin

You poor girl, what a horrific thing to happen. It's hard to see now I am sure but as time goes by you will see you've had a lucky escape. Thank God you didn't get pregnant, that would make this whole sorry situation so much worse. You need to seek legal advice as a matter of priority (take screengrabs of all FB status' like that mentioned) and get the ball rolling to extricate him from your life as soon as possible.

kat.mac

Jesus, OP - what a thing to happen. What a bad b****rd he turned out to be, and I'm in complete agreement with the other posters - good riddance to him. I can guarantee that your life will be infinitely better without him.

You're in shock at the moment, so just allow that to pass first off. Then get legal advice, and go from there.

On the emotional side of things... Take the time that you need at the moment to absorb the shock and get back into your stride. Talk to those close to you, you need a rock. There is a process that you will have to go through to mourn the life you thought you were going to have with this shadow of a pale imitation of an excuse for a man - it'll be a rollercoaster but every day, you get that little bit of extra distance, and it gets that little bit easier. You are so young - the world is absolutely your lobster!

On a more trivial note, get rid of that person who either like or commented on that muppet's sickening status (which they would have to have done in order for the OP to see it). And for that matter, anyone else who is likely to do the same. I wouldn't be in the slightest bit concerned about causing offence by doing this - you need to focus on you and anyone who can't see that is a muppet.

This sh***y, sh***y experience will make you stronger. Have total and utter faith in yourself. Take care of yourself!

kat.mac

Just to add - anger is a natural part of what you are going through. Try not to dwell on it, though. Anger, in my experience, is the most destructive internal force there is.

Weathering

What a b.astard. Spineless bleep. The worst this about this is you had to wait until you were married to find out what he is really like.
His note is almost as pathetic as he is,it's like a childs apology for stealing a pen.
He'll get a reality check pretty soon and will probably be looking to have you back. Don't touch it. What's most sickening is his note,he's not even man enough to be honest to you and copped with a note too. He's an honourless,spineless weak individual with no substance. You are well rid,crack open the champers

ABajaninCork

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I'd get out of the house too. Go and stay with your parents or friends. Sitting in there with reminders all around you won't do you any favours. Either shut off your phone, or find a way to block his number. You'll need to speak to him at some point, but now isn't a good time...

Take a couple of days leave from work too, to try to get your head straight.

username123 wrote: »

Assuming you have a mortgage on the house and not renting - Id say stay in the house. No point in giving him possession of what is under law the family home (once you spent one night in it as a married couple - its the family home in Irish courts).

Why should the OP pay half a mortgage for a house that he lives in and then rent somewhere herself - she didnt choose to end the marriage?

Stay where you are OP and get legal advice.

That isn't what I said. What I said was "Go and stay with your parents or friends. It would be a short-term measure while she tries to get herself together. I didn't say 'Move out completely'!

It doesn't do the OP any favours to be sitting there surrounded by reminders of when she was happy. When she comes back and feels a bit stronger, she can then dispose of or pack away stuff

username123

ABajaninCork wrote: »

That isn't what I said. What I said was "Go and stay with your parents or friends. It would be a short-term measure while she tries to get herself together. I didn't say 'Move out completely'!

It doesn't do the OP any favours to be sitting there surrounded by reminders of when she was happy. When she comes back and feels a bit stronger, she can then dispose of or pack away stuff

Sorry, I posted that quickly, I may have misunderstood you - although being honest, leaving the house empty even for a short period is an easy way for him to move back in - when solicitors letters start flying the s hits the fan. His solicitor will be advising him to move back in, so I wouldnt make it easier for him by leaving the property empty even for a few days.

Emme

username123 wrote: »

Sorry, I posted that quickly, I may have misunderstood you - although being honest, leaving the house empty even for a short period is an easy way for him to move back in - when solicitors letters start flying the s hits the fan. His solicitor will be advising him to move back in, so I wouldnt make it easier for him by leaving the property empty even for a few days.

OP, get legal advice ASAP with regard to what you're entitled to and an annulment, in that order. Good luck.

LegacyUser

What a horrible position to be put in. I would get legal advice as soon as possible in regards to getting an annulment. I would follow the advice of the other posts here.

From what you told us you gave him plenty of chances not to go ahead with the wedding.
So much for the travel he was planning to do. 4 months after leaving you he has ended up getting involved with a woman aged 22 who already has 2 children and he is the father of her 3rd child. She sounds "lovely" also.
I would remember the saying - what goes around, comes around.

I know at the moment it is hard to hear that you are better off without this so called man.
I would not be surprised to if he comes running back to you at a later date - wait until he is coping with 2 children and a newborn baby. I would let your parents & friends know what has happened as you need there support now.

At this stage you need to eat well and take some multi vitimans as you have a lot to deal with. I would start to look up some travel website and plan a holiday to somewhere warm in Sep/Oct as this will give you something to look forward to.

Paddy Cow

hgawp wrote: »

Dear XXXXXXX
I am gone, I am sorry but you left me no choice. I don’t want what you want. You want kids and im sorry I don’t want that, I want to travel the world and experience things. Im young , I shouldn’t have married you and I am sorry

What a cowardly sh!t. It was his choice to go ahead with the marriage knowing full well what you wanted. This is in no way your fault. I would be absolutely fuming if I was in your shoes :mad: Take the little rat bag to the cleaners.

AnonoBoy

Go to a solicitor.

Get an annulment as soon as possible.

Sort out any legal matters that you may have - bank accounts, leases etc.

Get this spineless fecker out of your life.

Nickynikki

What a total loser he is!

Be thankful you didn't have kids with him.

ruaille buaille

Also keep in mind you're only 27! Your still so young. You could go away and travel or do whatever you like. Put yourself first. It is hard to see now but I think you're really lucky to find out now before you wasted any more of your time on this loser! Move on and you will find someone who deserves you!

Napper Hawkins

Bullet dodged.

Catkins407

That's not a relationship that's going to last. A kid with someone you hardly know and two other small kids in the mix. He is going to get tired of playing house with her too. I know this because he is a cowardly selfish idiot and will walk away whenever it suits him regardless of what it does to anyone else.

You don't want him back. Not really . He was all you knew for a long time and you are scared of change. Look at this as a positive thing for you because there deffo is no going back now for you both as a couple. No illusions left you can move forward. Change your number so you won't think every text you get is him. Unfriend on Facebook and tell friends you don't want to know what he is up to. This is the kindest way. When you feel stronger look into getting back your freedom legally. You have your whole life ahead of you so start making the most of it. Don't sit moping over someone who doesn't deserve your tears. He has moved on you need to do the same. There was nothing wrong with you . It's not your fault that he didn't have a child with you. It was because of his own childish selfish behaviour. Don't ask those questions of yourself.

Move on because you are worth so much more than someone like him .

ABajaninCork

Catkins407 wrote: »

That's not a relationship that's going to last. A kid with someone you hardly know and two other small kids in the mix. He is going to get tired of playing house with her too. I know this because he is a cowardly selfish idiot and will walk away whenever it suits him regardless of what it does to anyone else.

I second this. Same thing happened to me. He got married. Didn't tell me and the whole pub where we drank also knew as people were invited, but no-one told me. Two weeks after the honeymoon, he was back on my step demanding I let him come home. Took every ounce of my strength to tell him to fcuk off. He watched my flat. Even threatened suicide. I only really got free of him after I married.

And yes. His wife threw him out for the same nonsense too. Girlfriend had better start looking over her shoulder. The same way you find a man will be the same way you lose him. He'll do the same to her too, mark my words.

But by then, you won't care. Look after YOU.