Found Where My Family Live But what next??

thefixitman

First off hello there for anyone reading this, and secondly I have had 4 x cans of carlsberg while watching the masters and writing this on a Saturday evening. Don't get me wrong i'm not an alcoholic but just chilling on a Saturday evening. I seldom but ever talk about my being adopted and this forum is probably the most open I have been about being adopted ever in the 33 years of me being on this planet.

Ok about me, I'm Irish by birth, 33 years of age, half colored, attractive (not being big headed, so im told), adopted. I was put up for adoption by my birth mother back in the year of 1980. I found certain files at home which I found years ago in a filing cabinet of my birth family, which sometimes I delve into every now again. Have no idea if my adopted family know I have these or not. The files indicate that my birth mother used to come out and visit me for the first two years while I was in Temple Hill Children's hospital.

Through the power of the internet/google and by doing my detective work I was able to work out exactly the address of where my mother would have grown up back in the year of me being conceived. I know my birth mother was about 23 or so when she had me adopted and subsequently suffered from mental illness afterwards, from what I read in the files. Anyway through google I found out my birth grandfather died in the last few years and my grandmother is still alive and lives on the same road where my mother would have grown up. I drove by the house out of pure interest sake, as I was around that area at the time, as studying for a college degree near that area.

Question is I know where my birth family now live or at least my birth grandmother who is in the late 80's, but am totally in limbo as to know what to do (if anything) .

I'm 33 years of age, my birth mother is now in her late 50's my grandmother would be in her late 80's.

Should I leave a letter in their post box, saying I am alive and would like to say hello and make contact, or is that being too intrusive. I get the impression/feeling/intution, though could be wrong that they are trying to be well hidden e.g no phone number in directory, facebook etc. Would it be too intrusive of me to try and make contact?

Life is short and I feel for me as an individual that too move on with my life confidence wise/girlfriend wise and have my own family eventually that I must make contact to make more sense of who I am as a person.

I would really value anyone's opinion, and also to know what people think, any questions please ask

Thanks guys.

Elizvonne

Hi thefixitman

It appears you have a lot of information about your birth family. I'm surprised that your adoptive family have all this information, but its great that you have some questions answered. You also know that your bmum visited you so she obviously loved you but whatever her circumstances were she could not keep you.

I'm a bmum and my son made contact with me last year and I have to say I was so happy. It was something that I always hoped would happen, but never dwelled on it. I felt it was his decision as I had made the decision to place him for adoption and I would not have had the right to barge into his life.

In relation to making contact with your bmum. I am not surprised that there is not a listed phone number of nuisance calls more people are keeping their numbers unlisted. What you could do is send a registered letter to the grandmothers house for your bmum with a card in it saying you are trying to arrange a reunion for your mother who last saw bmum on your birthday and put your contact details in it or something similiar to that. As that is not her home you do not know who will open it and they may not have know about you so you need to thread carefully. Just one suggestion.

Best wishes on this journey!

thefixitman

Thanks for your response, your advise will certainly be taken on board, and its good to talk with someone from an alternative perspective, eg a bmother, I just find it hard to know if I should make a move, it is after all 33 years ago since I was given up for adoption, I dont know if opening up old wounds is necessarily a good thing, although life is short at the same time

MrsMoneypenny

Hi. I hope you get to make contact with her. My birth mother died 20 years ago and only late last year did I find out that her own biological mother is alive (my maternal grandmother). I wrote to my grandmother but never got a reply. I hope you are lucky in your search and wish you the very very best.

thefixitman

Thanks Miss MoneyPenny

The_Conductor

Hi thefixitman,

How about writing a brief card along the lines of:

Dear (name of your birthmother)

I met you (give your date of birth) in (where you were born- put Dublin or Cork- don't be more detailed).

I've thought about you often and would like to make contact again.
My contact details are (give a mobile phone number and an address).

With very best wishes,

Thefixitman

Aka- you want to say hello, who you are (without being obvious to the grandmother or anyone else who reads the card), and you'd like to make contact. You're being respectful to her, and putting the ball in her court.

diabeticmum

Hi thefixitman, Just wondering did you send letter/card? You are lucky to have such detail info already.