doing it solo

zodiak

hey guys quick one for yas,

My gay mates have all bailed for the next few weeks for various reasons so I got 2 options until mid june

1) head the local and be the only gay in the village with my straight mates
or
2) head dragon etc alone

I always see guys alone in dragon always think mate I couldnt do that but now thinking I might have to...

Have many you guys ever headed out by your lonesome was it arkward/ get funny looks?

bitburger

do both

your the only gay out with a group of straight friends? so what?

you could also try and get the straight friends to go with you to dragon :pac: ive actually got some straight friends that love gaybars, although they never seem to wanna go with me!

Annasopra

bitburger wrote: »

do both

agreed

baztard

I head out alone every now and again due to gay friends not being about or straight friends not wanting to go somewhere gay etc. When i do, after a while i usually end up bumping into someone i know or half know, Dublin is a small enough place at times.

There was a time when i was new to the city and knew zero people though and headed out alone all the the time. I can't say that i was ever embarrassed about doing it. It beats sitting at home wasting your youth, getting frustrated and wondering what might have been.

I'd usually head straight to a nightclub or late bar no earlier than 10 or 11. People only really warm up to chatting to strangers when they have a few pints in them. Theres no point in trying to chat to a closed group of relatively sober friends chatting and catching up with eachother @ 9pm in a quiet bar.


When you hit the nightclub, grab a drink and a smile and go hang out in the smoking area. (I do this and i don't even smoke). There's a great flow of people in and out of there and they're usually quite chatty and friendly.

Or else hit the dance floor and go on the pull. That way you can score someone without having to do the whole chatting up thing! Ha!

Admittedly going out by yourself can be a bit awkward at first. There are times when you're just standing there quite obviously on your own sort of screaming loner That time will pass though and someone / something will happen and u'll end up having a good night in the end.

Whatever you do, dont make the rookie mistake of staring at ur phone all night! No one will approach u if u look like you're busy or would rather be somewhere else. Keep it in ur pocket!

zodiak

haha see my first instinct would be to pull a rookie mistake and pull my phone out.. My straight friends hate going to gay bars with me they like to go on the pull when we are out.. I keep telling them there are plenty of hot single straight girls on the scene and there is little competition from the other boys but they are not convinced.

Still waiting to hear back on the plans for tonight but if all else fails

Cheers for the reply

ongarboy

I've headed out alone sometimes and while obviously, prefer going out with friends etc, it's not that bad. There is definitely more opportunity to strike up conversation with new people that way (particularly anyone else flying solo) as they'll feel more comfortable approaching you (or vice versa) then encroaching on a group. Really, you should not be self conscious about standing there by yourself and if people would throw strange looks at you, it would really say more about about them than you. Would you want to hang out with people who scoff at someone who is by themselves? In the gay scene, a lot of people head into bars/clubs by themselves moreso than straight venues I think, so it wouldn't be an anomaly.

Good tip about the phone btw - I've been guilty of playing with it sometimes when solo and it's true - it doesn't invite others to approach you. A cheerful expression and appropriate eye contact is the way to go!

Alternatively, if you know you always have a good time with your straight mates in straight venues, nothing wrong with heading out with them too!

zodiak

cheers for the advice ongar boy.. think I have convinced a mate to head to dragon later.. I dont have a problem going straight places with straight mates but obviously with a bunch of straight lads the convo turns to which girl has the biggest chest and then you get left to the side while they go pull... much prefer when im somewhere I can go on the pull or chat to a lad

If all else fails tonight I might just head out I dont fancy a quiet weekend after working 50 hours week

bitburger

to be fair i havent been to any gay places atall yet, no gay mates and no straight ones will go and i dont wanna go on my own, hypocracy much :pac:

cartell_best

Lad, You do what you want... Nevermind anything else...and that's coming from a case of "being there, done that"...

mackD

I head out to gay bars on my own when needs be. I think it is pretty much accepted and not considered strange at all to see a guy/girl on their own.
Obviously, it is much preferable to be with friends as it can be lonely.

zodiak

Bit the bullet and done it last night.. It was strange at first but not as scary as I thought it was going to be.. Few drinks, couple of random chats and ran into some of the regulars. You were right about always bumping into someone you know. Cheers everyone for the advice

Aurongroove

I've only ever had gay nights out in Dublin on my own except for I think two with a friend.
As I went out more and more I began making all sorts of new friends. Not to mention the adventures you wind up going on are a lot more free moving and exciting, without a friend or group or wing man chiming in with their own plans and idea.

One of the up sides (and downsides) is you're kinda forced to talk to new people.
Some of whom might be unspeakably rude, (but to be honest, those type are just a poison onto themselves and they'll never get anywhere in life if they fail at the basic task of talking to a stranger without being a ****).

...and some of whom are really great; once or twice I met people who sort of invite you into their circle. I've even wound up having having to say goodbye to a group once or twice because besides them I haven't met nearly enough other people that night!

I reckon it's a bit of a mixed bag. but then again having company on a night out can be mixed too: you're only ever either going to be going out with a group, a friend, a wing man or alone and each has advantages and disadvantages.

the disadvantage to being alone is if your the type to lose confidence, you may wind up going home early, or you might meet a string or rude, unfriendly assholes, but the up side is everything is possible, if you met mr. perfect you're free to extend the night to an after party, or crash somewhere, you're free to change plans without consulting anyone, or going to one venue and changing your mind.

I'm too used to these freedoms at this stage and I actively dislike going on a "gay night out" with company, even a wing man. no matter how understanding someone is, when you're out with someone you have to consider how their getting home, if their having fun, if you're being a good wingman for them, etc, etc.

pros:
absolute freedom you can do whatever/meet whoever/go wherever you want, no pressure and no obligations.

cons:
meeting enough assholes without a friend to vent too can either spoil your confidence, or spoil the night.

Aurongroove

my idea of a perfect night out plan (personally) is contacting a friends you may meet in town, but with a condition like "I'm heading out tonight, you going anywhere?"

that way, if they're out you're only a text away from a drink together, but at the same time both of you are free to do as you please.

jaffacakesyum

I'm surprised (and jealous!) of the positive experiences on this thread :P When I'm abroad visiting or living in a new city I will always happily go out on my own, even if I'm travelling with other people. Like others' experiences here, sometimes it's hit and miss, but mostly you get chatting to people and have a great night - make new friends, maybe hook up with someone, find out other cool parties to check out.

But in Dublin I would never go out alone. I guess because I've lived here all my life that it would seem strange for me to go out alone even though I've no problem doing it in other cities.

I just feel like even if I wanted to go out alone, say to the George, that it would be horrible. I'm not saying that I haven't had good nights there where I've gotten chatting to cool people because I have, but in general I find it difficult to break into the cliques there. Even if you get chatting to someone briefly and they're in a group they never want you to 'hang out' with them for the rest of the night because they're in their 'little group'. Now maybe that's just because I'm never alone in there and they want to leave me to my friends but really I'd love to meet more lasting friends there and not just brief chats.

And then on top of the reasonable friendly bunch there are people who are just downright rude and don't want to speak to you.

Again, these are all experiences based on going out with friends but I would have to be very brave to head to the george or the dragon on my own I think.

Maybe it's different for girls too?!

mackD

Aurongroove wrote: »

I've only ever had gay nights out in Dublin on my own except for I think two with a friend.
As I went out more and more I began making all sorts of new friends. Not to mention the adventures you wind up going on are a lot more free moving and exciting, without a friend or group or wing man chiming in with their own plans and idea.

One of the up sides (and downsides) is you're kinda forced to talk to new people.
Some of whom might be unspeakably rude, (but to be honest, those type are just a poison onto themselves and they'll never get anywhere in life if they fail at the basic task of talking to a stranger without being a ****).

...and some of whom are really great; once or twice I met people who sort of invite you into their circle. I've even wound up having having to say goodbye to a group once or twice because besides them I haven't met nearly enough other people that night!

I reckon it's a bit of a mixed bag. but then again having company on a night out can be mixed too: you're only ever either going to be going out with a group, a friend, a wing man or alone and each has advantages and disadvantages.

the disadvantage to being alone is if your the type to lose confidence, you may wind up going home early, or you might meet a string or rude, unfriendly assholes, but the up side is everything is possible, if you met mr. perfect you're free to extend the night to an after party, or crash somewhere, you're free to change plans without consulting anyone, or going to one venue and changing your mind.

I'm too used to these freedoms at this stage and I actively dislike going on a "gay night out" with company, even a wing man. no matter how understanding someone is, when you're out with someone you have to consider how their getting home, if their having fun, if you're being a good wingman for them, etc, etc.

pros:
absolute freedom you can do whatever/meet whoever/go wherever you want, no pressure and no obligations.

cons:
meeting enough assholes without a friend to vent too can either spoil your confidence, or spoil the night.

That's a great assessment!

I'd further add to the cons section that being on your own could also lead to the misfortune of attracting an asshole's attention who you have zero interest in.
They are really hard to get rid of as they know you are on your own.
I've had to leave places early over this.

Still, the adventures of flying solo are what make it exciting...you just don't know where the night will take you:)

Aurongroove

mackD wrote: »

I'd further add to the cons section that being on your own could also lead to the misfortune of attracting an asshole's attention who you have zero interest in.
They are really hard to get rid of as they know you are on your own.
)

If someone did that, then that would be harassment.

mackD

Aurongroove wrote: »

If someone did that, then that would be harassment.

Well I don't mean quite that serious, more just being persistent and annoying.

ongarboy

mackD wrote: »

Well I don't mean quite that serious, more just being persistent and annoying.

Sometimes with persistent pests, you have to be blunt back and tell them verbally and clearly that you aren't remotely interested in them and to stop wasting their time and yours. It may sound rude but if subtle cues that most people cop onto are not getting through, it's the only way! Alternatively, bring a brush with you to beat them off! :P