Relationship Counselling

Three Seasons

How effective is it?

Of the couples I know who tried it it was basically a waste of money. Maybe they were an unreflective sample group though or just a few poor counsellors.

shopaholic01

Share your problem OP, we'll help - no charge.

hairyprincess

Three Seasons wrote: »

How effective is it?

Of the couples I know who tried it it was basically a waste of money. Maybe they were an unreflective sample group though or just a few poor counsellors.

Why do you say it was a waste of money? Did they split up?

Phill Ewinn

Send her over here. After one night with me she'll come running back. (With a slightly larger arsole)

Three Seasons

hairyprincess wrote: »

Why do you say it was a waste of money? Did they split up?

It didn't help, it made no difference to them.

SV

Three Seasons wrote: »

It didn't help, it made no difference to them.

Probably because they weren't willing to change in the first place.

IM0

Three Seasons wrote: »

How effective is it?

Of the couples I know who tried it it was basically a waste of money. Maybe they were an unreflective sample group though or just a few poor counsellors.

you just killed your own thread.

/close

HondaSami

Three Seasons wrote: »

How effective is it?

Of the couples I know who tried it it was basically a waste of money. Maybe they were an unreflective sample group though or just a few poor counsellors.

Maybe the couples did not want to stay together, just went through the motions of saying they tried counselling. If both parties are interested it can work.

humbert

I'm really not convinced that people can be trained to be good counsellors. I think without an aptitude all the training in the world will still result in a sucky counsellor (of any type).

Seachmall

Not as effective as taking ecstasy together and talking about your problems freely without fear of offending and also being open to all criticisms.


But drugs are bad so don't anybody do that :mad:.

Odysseus

Three Seasons wrote: »

It didn't help, it made no difference to them.

I avoid it like the plague, I won't see couples, if a couple are referred I will see one of them and get someone to see the other.

However, with relationship counselling as with most therapy you will only get what you put into it. The therapist is only providing a spece for the couple to work on their issues and well sometimes a break up may be the way to go.

Did the people you know go for long, if you where serious depending on the extent of the issues I would say you would need to be attending for a couple of months minimum.

SV

Seachmall wrote: »

Not as effective as taking ecstasy together and talking about your problems freely without fear of offending and also being open to all criticisms.


But drugs are bad so don't anybody do that :mad:.

Never even thought of something like that before, what an absolutely brilliant idea :eek:




except for the fact that yeah, obviously drugs are bad so nobody should do that :mad:

Three Seasons

Odysseus wrote: »

I avoid it like the plague, I won't see couples, if a couple are referred I will see one of them and get someone to see the other.

However, with relationship counselling as with most therapy you will only get what you put into it. The therapist is only providing a spece for the couple to work on their issues and well sometimes a break up may be the way to go.

Did the people you know go for long, if you where serious depending on the extent of the issues I would say you would need to be attending for a couple of months minimum.

Couldn't tell you how long, don't know the specifics.

IM0

humbert wrote: »

I'm really not convinced that people can be trained to be decent spouses. I think without an aptitude all the training in the world will still result in a sucky relationship (of any type).

better.

Odysseus

Seachmall wrote: »

Not as effective as taking ecstasy together and talking about your problems freely without fear of offending and also being open to all criticisms.


But drugs are bad so don't anybody do that :mad:.

Interesting concept, seriously that would make a very interesting research paper.

Seachmall

Odysseus wrote: »

Interesting concept, seriously that would make a very interesting research paper.

Ecstasy was popularised by therapists and psychiatrists.

As far as I'm aware there's loads of studies done on it.

humbert

IM0 wrote: »

better.

Certainly true and entirely unrelated.

Odysseus

Seachmall wrote: »

Ecstasy was popularised by therapists and psychiatrists.

As far as I'm aware there's loads of studies done on it.

Yeah, your right there are various published papers on it. No I was thinking about it in relation to the topic at hand. It was never used in this context.

I read a good one recently on its use in conjunction with therapy for those with severe PTSD; seem to show interesting results.

Odysseus

Three Seasons wrote: »

Couldn't tell you how long, don't know the specifics.

That would be the main thing for me; now as I said it is not my area or one that I am even interested in. A client looking at their relationship or even the lack of one is one thing; however, specific relationship counselling is totally different.

However, for any therapy to be sucessful the person needs to put the work in; you would be suprised at the amount of people who pay for your time, to talk about their issue whatever that is; but the talk about anything but the issues they need to speak of.

Cancelled sessions, turning up late unless people are totally committed to the process and tbh it is a very difficult one, but unless you are totally committed, you will not get the full benefit of therapy.

Now with saying that, we need to tighten up around the quality of the various therapy professions in Ireland.

hairyprincess

I attended couples counselling with my ex. After we broke up my friend told me she didn't think the counselling worked for us. I asked why, she said because myself and my ex broke up so therefore it was a failure.

But that was the success, it made me realise that I didn't want to be married to him. So I don't think its fair to say if the couple broke up then it didn't work. The effort needs to be put in by both parties. If they stay together, fantastic! But that shouldn't be the measurement of success

sinead81

hairyprincess wrote: »

I attended couples counselling with my ex. After we broke up my friend told me she didn't think the counselling worked for us. I asked why, she said because myself and my ex broke up so therefore it was a failure.

But that was the success, it made me realise that I didn't want to be married to him. So I don't think its fair to say if the couple broke up then it didn't work. The effort needs to be put in by both parties. If they stay together, fantastic! But that shouldn't be the measurement of success

Hi would you recommend the name of your relationship counsellor?

I am looking for one currently for our relationship

Thanks!!!!

sunflower27

Odysseus wrote: »

Yeah, your right there are various published papers on it. No I was thinking about it in relation to the topic at hand. It was never used in this context.

I read a good one recently on its use in conjunction with therapy for those with severe PTSD; seem to show interesting results.

It actually has been used in this context. A quick google of ecstasy and relationsips brings up plenty of research:

Very often couples become estranged over the years, relating to each other in less and less open and intimate ways. This may have advantages, such as providing a working relationship that avoids arguments, but it usually goes together with an empty emotional life. Taking Ecstasy together has been called a 'marriage saver'. The experience can break through barriers built up over many years and, with these removed, restores intimacy to a relationship.On the other hand, taking Ecstasy before a relationship is well established may be a mistake, leading to bonding without foundations.

Source: http://ecstasy.org/books/e4x/e4x.ch.10.html

irelandspurs

ecstasy you end up telling her how much you love her along with everyone else in the room so wouldn't work.

sunflower27

irelandspurs wrote: »

ecstasy you end up telling her how much you love her along with everyone else in the room so wouldn't work.

Which is why it is done privately at home.

Seriously, don't do it, kids!

Karl Stein

I was just imagining myself getting counselling. Not sure I could handle all the the anguish, self-doubt and tears.. of the counsellor.

Wibbs

Of all the therapies I'd say relationship counseling would be about the toughest. I suppose as well as the effort involved, the stage at which the breakup is at is a major factor. IMH if attraction is still there however deep down there's probably hope, but if that's gone from one of them or worse both it's essentially over and you're going through the motions of saving the unsaveable.

Of the longterm couples I've seen break up down the years, very few got back together successfully. I noted in most cases it was usually the woman doing the leaving and they had broken up mentally long before the words came out. At that point it was game over.

sunflower27

Wibbs wrote: »

Of all the therapies I'd say relationship counseling would be about the toughest. I suppose as well as the effort involved, the stage at which the breakup is at is a major factor. IMH if attraction is still there however deep down there's probably hope, but if that's gone from one of them or worse both it's essentially over and you're going through the motions of saving the unsaveable.

Of the longterm couples I've seen break up down the years, very few got back together successfully. I noted in most cases it was usually the woman doing the leaving and they had broken up mentally long before the words came out. At that point it was game over.

I agree, I think it is often the very last step, but by then, most of the resentment, anger etc is well cemented by the time many couples engage in their 'last ditch' attempt.

It is actually the area I would like to work in, so I am finding this thread quite interesting....

Spurtacus

Of the couples I know where it's failed it's because one of them is only doing it to save the others feelings, they've already got the bags packed & are on the plane to Tahiti.