Worried I'm spending too much time on my own how can I change this?

LegacyUser

I'm 19 I spend so much time alone I do enjoy it but It's got to the point where I'm willing to do almost anything alone that it's making me wonder if it's a bad thing. I'm very independent . I have a small circle of friends we only usually either go out for coffee or drinking and thats it. In college I'm still getting to know the people but they wouldn't be into the other interests I have either.

I have other interests like swimming, a few outdoorsy things, going to outdoor music festivals, dancing , camping , hiking but don't know anyone that would want to do any of these things.

My general week is going to college and coming home staying in for the week apart from going to the gym .

I am quiet but I can be very talkative I was shy in secondary school. How can I become more social? To get to know others with similar interests? I do like the friends I have a lot. I'd want to do more than just going out at the weekend drinking all the time. Even going bowling, zoo or cinema something different for a change would be good. I have suggested things to my friends the answer is usually they want to save the money for drinking. I spend so much time indoors the only other thing to do is go to the gym.

shoos

Throughout college my friends and I were a bunch of really broke students so most of our money was kept for the weekends as well. But there's always things to do for free. Have you suggested to them meeting up at someone's house or your house and watching DVD or opening a bottle of wine for some chats? Or during the day you can meet and go for nice walks. Don't know where your based but if your in Dublin a walk down the pier is always a nice thing to do.

A lot of people will always go "ugh I've no money" when a suggestion is made but really they just need a kick up the bum. Lots of free stuff going on and it's better than you all sitting in your separate houses watching television or whatever!

Turtwig

If you're friends are stubborn about drinking then there's not a whole lot you can do there. You could maybe try to inform them how you'd really really like to do something different for a change and perhaps try to find a really good bargain online for something like a bowling trip or kayaking. But in reality you may have to find new friends.

Thankfully, in today's world that's easier than ever. Pick any hobby you like, join a club or society that's filled with people who like that hobby. So say you go to an outdoor music festival. Talk to people that looks like they're carrying the same level of interest as you. Don't worry if you're nervous or say something stupid. As long as you're talkative and friendly most people won't take much notice. (Though, obviously don't say something like a brazengly sexist remark.)

Strangers are the friends you have yet to meet. The world's full of them you just got to take a few deep breathes and plunge into the ocean. You may not find them on the first go, but you will find them.

Also, for what it's worth, there's nothing inherently bad about being a loner. Irish society tries to paint it as a bad thing. It isn't really, some people prefer to be allowed time to themselves to relax and be at peace. Others crave frequent social interactions. Neither of which is necessarily good or bad, it just depends on who you are and what makes you happy and contented.

LegacyUser

My friends would meet up at houses but it'd have to be sitting around just drinking.
Which I don't want to do.
I don't really know many clubs around to join either and I don't like any of the socs in my college. I'm thinking of joining one that somewhat interests me though.

I would go to an outdoor festival alone but I'm quiet I'm more likely to go and not talk to anyone if I did that as I can be shy around new people.

Lenmeister

Then you need to make more friends. Easier said than done but I had to do it at various stages. How can you not know anyone into swimming or music festivals etc that's crazy. If you're friends don't actually do any of the stuff you mentioned then they're a pretty boring bunch of people. You need to expand your social circleas much as possible. Make friends in different places.

You're in college so have you tried joining some clubs that you are really interested in? It can be a daunting thing, but if you meet the right people they could become great friends for life. What college do you go to? Most colleges have a lot of clubs and socs so I find it hard to believe that there's only 1 that would suit you. Don't forget there are lcubs you can join outside of college that have activities on weekdays so you could go wed/fri evenings etc. Others saturday mornings.

My advice, as I've said to others in the same situation, is to immediatly make new friends and expand your social circle. What about the people in your classes in college? There's plenty of ways to find people who are into different things. When someone asks what you're doing for the weekend say "Well I don't know I'd love to go "x" but my friends are busy with other stuff". etc. Hope this helps.

LegacyUser

Lenmeister wrote: »

Then you need to make more friends. Easier said than done but I had to do it at various stages. How can you not know anyone into swimming or music festivals etc that's crazy. If you're friends don't actually do any of the stuff you mentioned then they're a pretty boring bunch of people. You need to expand your social circleas much as possible. Make friends in different places.

You're in college so have you tried joining some clubs that you are really interested in? It can be a daunting thing, but if you meet the right people they could become great friends for life. What college do you go to? Most colleges have a lot of clubs and socs so I find it hard to believe that there's only 1 that would suit you. Don't forget there are lcubs you can join outside of college that have activities on weekdays so you could go wed/fri evenings etc. Others saturday mornings.

My advice, as I've said to others in the same situation, is to immediatly make new friends and expand your social circle. What about the people in your classes in college? There's plenty of ways to find people who are into different things. When someone asks what you're doing for the weekend say "Well I don't know I'd love to go "x" but my friends are busy with other stuff". etc. Hope this helps.

My college is small and there is mainly lads and only 4 girls as it's a computer course. There are clubs/socs but they're all more male orientated . There is a fashion soc I may join that just to get to know more people. I don't know what clubs outside that I'd join. I did join one soc at the start of the year but the activity wasn't really for me but the people were really nice.

Lenmeister

Well the company is often better than the club itself. You don't have to join a club just because it's something you like. Sometimes the people in the club seem really great so you might join it cause you have tons of fun with that group of people. Besides people like me would join clubs more to make friends than for the activities. Sure, it's your thing anyway, but making friends are more important to me.

What about friends you have that are in other colleges. You could tag along with your friends on one of their adventures etc. A lot of people do it. You might have a great time. Don't forget about joining clubs outside of college too. Have you tried talking to those other girls and seeing if they joined any clubs? Maybe go along with them if they're up for it.

It's not a bad thing to spend time on your own, but it's more fun when you spend it with friends

excalibur the swordsman

Volunteer. Join the local st vincent de paul.

LegacyUser

Yeah the ones outside college are the same we used to always do other things but now we're all 19/20/21 everyone would rather go on a night out than do anything. I have made friends with others like when people invite people out. And a few others I know I used to see a lot have boyfriends so now I rarely see them or they're busy.

The girls in college I hang with are really nice but two of them are really close already and another of the girls her friends left and I didn't really speak to her much before that. Now we all sort of hang together. But all of these are really extroverted and I'm more introverted but I do make an effort I never know what to say.

I am actually planning on volunteering after my exams in that place. I'm not sure if there will be many my age there though most people I speak to are always against volunteering.

excalibur the swordsman

HI Anonymous,
I am based in dublin 15, and i work in this area with st vincent de paul. I used to be like you, as regards not knowing what to say etc, being nervous of talking in a group when i'm unfamiliar. But i put on a front now of confidence, and i tend to make funny of lots of situations in life. It gets people laughing, including myself. The people in the local svp branches all have one thing in common. They want to help others. They will want to make you feel at home, and will be very grateful for your time, if you decide to go down that route. I visit people in their homes, and work what way we can help them. Alot of people are in dire straights. I don't understand why anybody would be against helping others. It has changed my life. If you want to talk anymore you can pm me, all the best.