Despairing of ever finding love

ggirl

This may sound ridiculous but I am at the end of my tether about being single.

I am in my late thirties and have never had a long term relationship. I like to think I am a nice, kind, loving person. I have amazing family and friends, a good social life, my own home and a job I love. I have a history of depression which I feel has affected me deeply but I have worked hard to get over that and am naturally a bubbly, happy woman.

But I have been rejected by endless men, met loons online and am beginning to feel I will never find love. Lately I was chatting to a guy who I had first met online 18 months ago. He told me he was really keen and seemed so genuine - then he just cut contact and disappeared. I feel so stupid for believing a word he said but if I am honest I think I wanted to believe he was keen as I am so fed up being alone. I have so much love to give but no man has ever wanted it. One by one almost every single friend of mine has met someone, settled down and had kids and now, at 37, I feel those things are passing me by. I don't even know why I am putting this up here....maybe just some advice on how to cope with feelings of being unloveable? I know that is silly; I am not unloveable - but I am really beginning to feel it.

I know the "there's someone out there for everyone" thing sounds cliché, but the fact is that there's loads of people out there for everyone. Finding them is the difficult bit. You're not unlovable, but there must be something you're doing or not doing that would help. If I were you I'd sit down with a friend and just ask them to be honest with me. It might be something you're doing or it might just be that you're looking in the wrong places, or looking too hard.

If I were you I really wouldn't worry, these things usually have a way of working out. I certainly think you should stop thinking about an end-goal. There's no way to rush these things and while it's good to make an effort to try to start a relationship, you shouldn't put yourself under pressure to be settled down.

ggirl

Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it. There must be something I am / am not doing as you say. I will talk to a friend and see what they say. Thanks again.

Merkin

ggirl wrote: »

Lately I was chatting to a guy who I had first met online 18 months ago.

This is maybe one area you could look at hon.

Why are you still chatting to a man online after 18 months? Has it gone anywhere? Had you actually even met him? The point I'm making is that you can't forge anything real with someone virtually and I think a lot of people use online dating as an ego/confidence boost with no intention of actually meeting up. Don't instill yourself with false hope or feel you have a connection with someone when it's not actually based on anything. If someone isn't asking you out after a reasonable week or two of chat then simply don't have them on your radar anymore. Cutting out time wasters would be a good first step. I know I purged my phone one day of every single man I thought a timewaster. I then decided to take some time out from dating (six months) and I then got together with my now husband.

Maybe seperate yourself entirely from dating for a few months to give yourself some clarity and perspective. You are more than capable/worthy/attractive enough to meet your Mr. Right but you do also have to be in the right frame of mind m'dear.

LegacyUser

I feel for you as I am at the similar situation. I am 36 and I have never been in any long term relationships. I sometimes could not help but think I have problems to hold a guy that I get attentions but things never grow to "LOVE". I have never really felt 'LOVE' with another man. I don't know what love is with a man. For all the 'relationship' I had before, I would label the feelings I had as 'like', or 'inflatuation' . I have never experienced true love. Last year, I met someone that I think it will go long term, but no, it did not go that way. I just could not stop but thought I have problems in my personality! But then, I looked around, every one's not perfect, they have their bads in their personality but they still could find the right one, so why couldn't I?

I don't know. But I decided not drill into this question anymore and basically I am a bit tired with looking for relationships too. I decided to make my life happy and do things I enjoy. I like travelling, so, yes, I start my travelling trips and this makes me so so happy that I can say I am happy 80% of time now. This is good!

THINK what makes you happy and just do it. Stop thinking about men. When they come, see them as a potential friend rather than a potential boyfriend, this would release you a bit and make you lighter.

All the best!