all over the place

LegacyUser

I will try keep this short (prob not going to happy) my best friend is gay and we met years ago (im a girl). we have so much in common and got closer and closer as time went on..
we work, socialise, the lot. Anyway a few years back i started to have strong feelings for him which i put to the back of my mind but they got to strong to the point where i was hurting and backed away and kept getting annoyed with him and myself. Then i told him and he just kinda laughed it off, so i played it down of course. He is a terrible flirt, never leaves me alone and is always jealous if i with someone. anyway lately these feelings are driving me mad, i am in love with him and its killing me, i know what he wants and i sometimes hope he will like women again as he has been with many women before, but i dont think this will happen now. I just dont know how to deal with this anymore. I cant not be with him as we work together, and ive tried to stay away but im more unhappy. Its cruelty and i hurting myself so much, but nothing is working. And most of the time i think id hate a bf like that, as hes not trustworthy and very childess etc. but when i seen him with someone recently, it felt like a punch in the stomach. has anyone been in this situation before, and how would u feel as a gay man if your friend liked you. Im struggling with this and verging on tears daily, and the worst part is im only happy when hes around...Help please.

Locker10a

Ahh you poor thing! You seem so genuinely upset by this I feel terrible for you! Unfortunately for you its is highly unlikely he will ever return the feelings you have for him! You need to realise this! And until you do life will be difficult! You need to move on! I know you probably dont want to but you must, as difficult as it may be, when you come to realise this is an unrequited love or very strong crush you have you can then begin to move on with your life and get over him! You can still be friends but i recommend distancing yourself for a while! Time will heal. And try going out on dates with other guys, even if you arent that into them its a distraction !
Hope you will be ok! Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your reply. Its very hard I do get to a point where i back off and i make some sort of progress, and then i miss them so much. Yes I feel so down in myself and its not healthy. I want to start dating but i cant bring myself to. I was in a very long term relationship so i dont think im ready. I just wish i had an off switch. The worst part is i know he has very strong feelings for me prob as much as mine but slightlly off the mark in terms of sexual feelings. On many ocassions he has tried to tell me but bottled it. its a know win situation and im a smart girl but this has knocked me. anyway sorry for the rant guess i needed to say it out more than i thought poor thing! You seem so genuinely upset by this I feel terrible for you! Unfortunately for you its is highly unlikely he will ever return the feelings you have for him! You need to realise this! And until you do life will be difficult! You need to move on! I know you probably dont want to but you must, as difficult as it may be, when you come to realise this is an unrequited love or very strong crush you have you can then begin to move on with your life and get over him! You can still be friends but i recommend distancing yourself for a while! Time will heal. And try going out on dates with other guys, even if you arent that into them its a distraction !
Hope you will be ok! Best of luck.[/quote]

LegacyUser

Just another point I thought of recently we now have the same circle of friends, and a lot I met through him so I would also have to stay away for them to get space and distance. what a hard situation this has become. I feel like in order to get anywhere I will need to start everything over again. New friends new places to go out. it hurts even thinking about it. Right now I feel so alone.

Locker10a

opheresgain1 wrote: »

Just another point I thought of recently we now have the same circle of friends, and a lot I met through him so I would also have to stay away for them to get space and distance. what a hard situation this has become. I feel like in order to get anywhere I will need to start everything over again. New friends new places to go out. it hurts even thinking about it. Right now I feel so alone.

Ok keep calm, making new friends and making a fresh start is a very daunting prospect!! You may not need to go that far!!! Think of all the reasons why ye would make a terrible couple and why things wouldn't work out that well! What would the rest of your circle of friends make of it? I know you find it difficult but I think you should really make a conscience effort to distract yourself somehow! And a few dates would do know harm! Even though your not looking for anything serious! But you never know, it is often that what we need in our lives appears when we arent looking for it!

LegacyUser

thank you so much for your kind response. I guess i was affraid people would judge me and think you know he is gay move on. but as we all know emotions and feelings are not intellegent. I completely agree with you i def need to distance myself and take time to sort my head out, just hard to do it as im used to being around them, they wont understand either! I have tried everything to turn the feelings off, and i stay away from them on a personal level, but cant work wise. I just hope that soon this will just be a memory and i found someone just for me.

LegacyUser

just wanted to say I posted here on this forum as i was affriad i would be judged for liking someone gay and told to move on etc etc...and most of my friends are gay and i find them so much more understanding when dealing with these kind of issues. anyway im off to work today no doubt he will be straight over beside me and flirting and i already feel.awkward now as ive opened up to my feelings! i also told my mother the other day and it felt good...she just looked at me and said i seen the way u two look at each other she knew all along...im more transparent than i thought ;-)

Locker10a

meagaunaa wrote: »

just wanted to say I posted here on this forum as i was affriad i would be judged for liking someone gay and told to move on etc etc...and most of my friends are gay and i find them so much more understanding when dealing with these kind of issues. anyway im off to work today no doubt he will be straight over beside me and flirting and i already feel.awkward now as ive opened up to my feelings! i also told my mother the other day and it felt good...she just looked at me and said i seen the way u two look at each other she knew all along...im more transparent than i thought ;-)

Haha I think we are all more transparent than we thing we are! If he is very flirty with you then maybe it is the case that you think you fancy him more than you actually ordinarily would! When people flirt with us it makes us feel good about ourselves! We associate those people with making us happy and it creates a positive feeling towards them! Even if its only joking around and we know that, on a sub-conscience level we still enjoy the flirting! And as im sure your are aware flirting sets off a feeling of attraction to people! So perhaps half your problem is you are confused and mislead by subtle flirting! You just have to register its meaningless to help you move on!

LegacyUser

yes I guess you are right. Well the last few weeks have been good. Ive not be in the situation much and im proud of myself, unfortunetly it has annoyed my friend and made him rather smart towards me. making smart and jealous comments cause im around other people. I have to let him deal with his own issues right now as to him Im just a close friend but it hurts me. Im getting there I think..some more me time needed. thx for your reply :-)