Don't want to invite my little cousins to my 21st

beibhinnbunny

i have a similar problem for my 21st. I'm having it with 2 of my best friends who are twins. We have all the same school friends and 2 families coming and then we have brothers and sisters friends and also friends from college. As all 3 of us are in different universities in different parts of the country (dublin, galway and cork) you can imagine the amount of 18-25 years old there will be!! We have asked all our neighbours and aunts and uncles and olders cousins however I am getting a lot of stick about not inviting my little cousins who are 2,4 and 7. My uncles and aunts cannot understand why they aren't invited to a 'family event'. My biggest problem is i know that they will not look after them and they will run amuck.At a recent family event they had the cheek to invite other kids that their kids would be friends with along and then spend the evening socializing and let them run wild telling my mother when she voiced her concerns that 'they will all look after each other'. Also the 3 of us have babysat alot of kids around the area and will be inviting all of their parents but do not want those kids their either. My mam considered caving and allowing my cousins but on a quick head count realised that by harmlessly inviting 3 kids will end up with between 30-40 there. My mam was the oldest of a large family so myself and my brother and sister were toddlers and babies when my youngest aunt and uncle turned 21 and she never even considered bringing us nor were we invited, how 19 years later do they feel this is totally different?! Am I being totally inreasonable or is there any way out of this without offending anyone?? My family are always very good to be but i REALLY dont want a creche at the party.

Karen23

Can you say the venue won't allow under 18's, you'd get away with that excuse for a 21st party although you shoudn't have to. I can't imagine why anyone would want to bring young kids to a 21st.

Vojera

beibhinnbunny wrote: »

i have a similar problem for my 21st. I'm having it with 2 of my best friends who are twins. We have all the same school friends and 2 families coming and then we have brothers and sisters friends and also friends from college. As all 3 of us are in different universities in different parts of the country (dublin, galway and cork) you can imagine the amount of 18-25 years old there will be!! We have asked all our neighbours and aunts and uncles and olders cousins however I am getting a lot of stick about not inviting my little cousins who are 2,4 and 7. My uncles and aunts cannot understand why they aren't invited to a 'family event'. My biggest problem is i know that they will not look after them and they will run amuck.At a recent family event they had the cheek to invite other kids that their kids would be friends with along and then spend the evening socializing and let them run wild telling my mother when she voiced her concerns that 'they will all look after each other'. Also the 3 of us have babysat alot of kids around the area and will be inviting all of their parents but do not want those kids their either. My mam considered caving and allowing my cousins but on a quick head count realised that by harmlessly inviting 3 kids will end up with between 30-40 there. My mam was the oldest of a large family so myself and my brother and sister were toddlers and babies when my youngest aunt and uncle turned 21 and she never even considered bringing us nor were we invited, how 19 years later do they feel this is totally different?! Am I being totally inreasonable or is there any way out of this without offending anyone?? My family are always very good to be but i REALLY dont want a creche at the party.

If you're sharing the party with your friends then it isn't really a family event. You can say that numbers-wise you can't fit the kids in because there's another family involved.

Even if you have a function room, kids have to be out by 9pm by law (open to correction on that), so that's something else you can say. I don't imagine it would be starting much before then if you aren't having it in someone's home.

Finally, make sure your friends aren't inviting kids from their family. It's all well and good telling your crowd not to bring kids, but if they show up and there are other kids there they'll be pretty pissed off.

Toots

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username123

Are they off their rockers?

Unless its a daytime party with bouncy castles and face painting, its not appropriate for children.

I cant understand why their parents would want them there, its an adults party with booze. Is it just that they dont want to pay babysitters? I cant imagine any venue allowing children after a certain time, although I think the law allows them if its a private function and there is a meal being served. But still, its totally inappropriate and would be a total party damper.

Just tell them numbers are already sorted, its not a family event, to cop on its totally inappropriate and not to come if they cant manage to attend an event without their little darlings.

Of course, its always possible your aunts and uncles are saying nothing and its actually one of your parents saying to invite the kids due to perceived "invite obligation". Just stand your ground.

Rosy Posy

Could you start early with a lunchtime thing with sandwiches and cocktail sausages for the families and then have them clear out by six or so? Or if your uncles and aunts have to travel could you arrange a sleepover and babysitter for the cousins?

Are your parents paying for the party? I get the feeling in any case that they would be with you in not being overly keen on having the little ones there. In any case I agree with the other poster who said that you should make it clear that no children under a certain age should attend.

Chocoholic84

Don't know what you're getting in a flap about tbh...it's a birthday party, it's hardly a wedding If they want to bring kids, let them, that's their look out...although anyone with an ounce of cop on wouldn't be bringing children that young to a 21st!

AnonoBoy

Some families are just itching to take offence.

If the event starts around 9 or so then why would people want to bring a feckin' 2 year old to it?

Stick to your guns. Fall back on the others/numbers excuses if you have to.

Sleepy

Tell them there's a stripper booked for one of the other girls

Rosy Posy

Rosy Posy wrote: »

Could you start early with a lunchtime thing with sandwiches and cocktail sausages for the families and then have them clear out by six or so? Or if your uncles and aunts have to travel could you arrange a sleepover and babysitter for the cousins?

Ah C'mon its the girls 21st! a session by all means, and she only gets one of them, why in the name of God would she have to accomodate her relatives kids??????? I think thats an absolute crazy suggestion, she has enough to be doing on the day of her 21st.

I hate the way people except you to accomodate their kids, its a pet peeve. enjoy your party girl, i hope you have a blast

Forever Hopeful

Chocoholic84 wrote: »

Don't know what you're getting in a flap about tbh...it's a birthday party, it's hardly a wedding If they want to bring kids, let them, that's their look out...although anyone with an ounce of cop on wouldn't be bringing children that young to a 21st!

Yes it's not a wedding (where families do brig their kids). This is a 21st, not a wedding. It's a party for the OP and her friends. Any guests who bring kids are plain rude IMO. Plus any suggestions to accommodate them by having an earlier party- again it's not a wedding.
Op stand your ground.

username123

Rosy Posy wrote: »

Could you start early with a lunchtime thing with sandwiches and cocktail sausages for the families and then have them clear out by six or so? Or if your uncles and aunts have to travel could you arrange a sleepover and babysitter for the cousins?

Who would you expect to pay for that, on top of the party that is already arranged? Why should the OP have to put themselves out for people too selfish to organise babysitters.

And without intending to cause offence to anyone with kids, parties with kids at them are awful. Screaming sugar rushed brats who no one is minding (because the type who bring them are always the type to ignore them), running amok, causing chaos, putting dirty sticky hands on people's nice outfits, falling and bawling and getting in the way.

Neyite

username123 wrote: »

And without intending to cause offence to anyone with kids, parties with kids at them are awful. Screaming sugar rushed brats who no one is minding (because the type who bring them are always the type to ignore them), running amok, causing chaos, putting dirty sticky hands on people's nice outfits, falling and bawling and getting in the way.

I have a kid and I agree with this.

OP, just say you get one third of the vote, and you were outvoted, no kids allowed. Or maybe check with the venue - kids may not be welcome anyway.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Morag

If family throw a strop then tell them to organize a separate family only event.

highly1111

username123 wrote: »

Are they off their rockers?

Unless its a daytime party with bouncy castles and face painting, its not appropriate for children.

I cant understand why their parents would want them there, its an adults party with booze. Is it just that they dont want to pay babysitters? I cant imagine any venue allowing children after a certain time, although I think the law allows them if its a private function and there is a meal being served. But still, its totally inappropriate and would be a total party damper.

Just tell them numbers are already sorted, its not a family event, to cop on its totally inappropriate and not to come if they cant manage to attend an event without their little darlings.

Of course, its always possible your aunts and uncles are saying nothing and its actually one of your parents saying to invite the kids due to perceived "invite obligation". Just stand your ground.

+1 - exactly my thoughts

a posse ad esse

Don't invite your little cousins because it is YOUR party first of all and secondly not appropriate for young kids. In fact, it would torture them more than the adults. I'm a mother and wouldn't dream of taking any of my kids to such venues including weddings or other adult gatherings. I do this not only for consideration of the adults but also my kids because it would bore them to tears! I don't blame kids running amok at such places, I blame the parents bringing them and the kids are entertaining themselves because there is nothing else for them to do. It's an ADULT birthday party, what are they expecting clowns and balloons? I don't understand the audacity of some people to even question the obvious.

LegacyUser

I guess it comes down to different views of your 21st: a primarily friends event, or a family thing. Surely the time (late evening) and the fact that you are sharing it with other friends would indicate that it wasnt mainly a family do?

I wouldnt tolerate the insistence on kids tbh - I'd use numbers/joint decision re kids/venue as an excuse. The possibilty of a stripper is my fave excuse though!

Dont let yourself be bullied on this - after all, it is your party! And it would be rude of you to impose kids from your family on your friends night. If your folks feel very strongly about it, they can organise - and pay for - a more family/kid friendly event like a lunch.

I never get why some people with kids see this as licence to be rude and pushy about invites. So inconsiderate.

dubstarr

I dont understand its a way from kids you wanna get for a 21st.Its not a suitable enviroment the very ones that woild be moaning if something happened to teh kids.
Blame teh place say they are not allowed under 18s in the place