lack of physical relationship affecting me

LegacyUser

With my gf nearly 3 yrs,
Ill try and make this brief, Over a year ago while my self and my gf where on a break i slept with some one else, When we got back together i came clean not immediately mind you but i told her. She to this day views it as i cheated on her betrayed her trust etc, even though we were on a break, regardless of the technicalities i did hurt her and i take full responsibility.

 I suppose when i came clean i didn't fully realize what kind of person my gf is , she is the type of person who holds a big grudge finds it hard to forgive. Since this happened i have tryed to go above and beyond in terms of being a perfect boyfriend in order to show her im serious about relationship of which i think i do a pretty good job of it, i constantly tell her I love her do things for her, its a case of she says jump I say how high, Ive ofen had female friends say your gf doesnt know how good she has it ( they wouldnt know details of my indiscretion)

 Over a year later and she still wont have sex with me or look at me in a sexual way, i guess our relationship is good in all ways but that, but that is a pretty big thing, I feel im giving this relationship all i can and i just want a normal adult relationship in return, we would have had a very good very active sex life previously several times a week, more than once a day would not be uncommon.

 I guess im afraid this will never get better and i know it is my doing so people may say what right do i have to complain, i just feel its starting to have a physcological impact on me.feelings of rejection etc...

Im not sure what im lookimg for here advice from anyone thats been through the same? Im in my early 20's i cant help but feel im too young to be having these kinda relationship problems, I should be in my prime not feeling reject and crap, im a good looking confident guy who treats girls well I cent help but think even though I love her maybe Im fooling my self staying in relationship.

I want to be with a woman that wants me, that wants to have sex with me and she says she does but she just has emotional blocks she cant get past, but im starting to doubt it will get better, I never try to initiate anything anymore I know it will just end in rejection, shes even told me she doesnt want me to try initiate anything sexual with her if she wants it shel initiate things which is practicly never.

littleblackDRS

Well at least you're taking responsibility. She is still probably feeling really hurt, and probably disgusted with you, but you probably know that.

I'll give you my honest opinion: it's never going to work unless she lets it go.

She's trying to punish you, but she's probably just as miserable as you are. You realy need to sit down and think, why are you still together?

From what you're saying, it doesn't even look like a relationship, it looks like you've been runing around after her for the past year trying to make it up to her, and she's having none of it.

You're a young guy, you've your whole life ahead of you, is this really what you want?

ABajaninCork

I'd agree with the above. Your GF's still feeling bruised, and is punishing you.

BUT. I think she's being totally unreasonable too. You were on a break when you slept with someone else. In my book, if you're on a break, there's no guarantee of fidelity, nor should you expect it. If you were together when you did it, then that's a different ball game.

If you want to make this work, then the pair of you have to work at this TOGETHER. You need to sit down with her and work out what you want. I would also suggest couples counselling. As I see it, this situation cannot be making either of you happy, and can't continue like this.

If she doesn't agree or can't move past the situation, then I'm afraid it's time to go.

LegacyUser

Op here

Thanks for advice, why are we together, well we have a lot of fun together dont get me wrong things are genearlly good bar the missing sex, if that was there I think it would be ok, but its becoming a bigger issue theres only so long I can go on like this,.

We have talked about it at lenght dozens of times, she says she has forgiven me and it will be back to normal eventually. I geuss im hoping she wakes up one day and suddenky she cant keep her hands off me, ha even the idea of that now is comical to me......

IrishEyes19

Im going to go out on a limb here and say I wouldnt accept this at all. She has every right to be hurt, dont get me wrong, it would break my heart too. fair enough you were on a break, but I guess she is just thinking of the fact you were with another girl. its got to hurt.

but, you arent in a proper relationship right now. its a friendship or whatever you want to call it. she needs to decide where she is right now and let you go if she isnt there yet. how long are you going to hold out for. you are in your early twenties, will you wait another year or two to see if she feels better. to be honest I can only see bitterness and resentment down the road for both of you, if she keeps this up. you need to sit down and really have this out with her. and soon

CaraMay

You are flogging a dead horse here. She is extremely manipulative and there is no future in this relationship. You were on a break when you slept with someone else do you didn't cheat on her.

She shouldn't have gone back with you if it was just as friends. She is stopping you meeting someone else and having a normal sex life. Truth be told you are her puppet and she is making you dance. Her behavior is very bizarre and unhealthy no matter how bad the perceived injustice.

ibarelycare

Your gf is COMPLETELY manipulative and you're being a doormat by putting up with this for so long. You say you have a great relationship, yet she is withholding sex as a punishment and this has gone on for a YEAR? That is completely unacceptable. You also said that when she says jump, you say how high. That is not healthy, you shouldn't have to pander to everything she says. Despite you saying that you have fun together, this is not a good relationship. She is controlling and manipulative and you should not have to be with someone like that.

If you are determined to try and salvage things, you need to go to couple's counselling. You cannot let her control you any longer.

kylith

I f I were you I'd say to her that she either forgives you, lets go of the anger, and the two of you get back to an actual relationship, or just to call it quits and draw a line under the relationship so that both of you can move on and get on with your lives.

Lenmeister

Everyone else has touched on the points I would have. I've never had a break in a relationship so I can't really say much on that one. Though if I did I would presume that would mean we would both go out and do whatever it was that we had to do with no limits, get it out of our system, then get back together. So I don't think she really has the right to hold anything over you. Though I would be clear about whether there were rules or not during the break. But that's besides the point.

If she can't become intimate with you after a year, I'd end it immediatly. She's been hurt, but if she can't move on and go back to the way it was before you should end it fast. You going to wait until you're old and grey before she comes around? This is your time remember, time that could be spent with someone else that wants to give you all the things you're missing right now. It's friends without benifits right now. I don't see that changing.