Do you think there is anything wrong with my appearance or how I dress?

Alannah Gallagher

My parents seperated and I live with my Dad. Although I spend a lot of my time with my Ma I haven't seen too much of her side of the family. So school being on holiday I thought it would be nice to go to Sligo to visit my Gran last week.

She gave me 4 hours of hell about my appearance then I went home in tears.

Jeans and T Shirt are no clothes for a girl, I should have been wearing a dress or a skirt and blouse. Sports bras give the wrong impression, I should wear one with better support. My hair style is "inappropriate", unless I want people to think I'm a [rude word for a lesbian] I should grow it longer. If God wanted me to have my ears pierced I'd have been born with holes in my ears, my Dad should never have let me get them done, but if I absolutely must wear earrings I should only wear tiny ones. My "big" (they were only about an inch) hoops, especially with makeup (only a tiny bit), make me look half way between a [derogatory word for a traveller] and a "common sl*t".

sheikhnguyen

I suggest you don't take what she said to heart. She is old and no doubt her opinions have long ossified. Old people can be cruel at times they feel that because they are old it gives them licence to say whatever they want to people. I would carry on as before and totally ignore her, in much the same way as you should to anyone who says hurtful things to you.
That said if she continues tell her she has a face on her like a used tea bag thats been sitting on a dirty spoon for a week, but you don't harp on about it.

Faith

Grandparents can be particularly cruel because they're from such a different generation. You mention school, so I'm guessing you're young. Throughout my teenage years, I dressed very casually - baggy jeans, casual tops, hoodies, runners. As I hit my twenties, my style grew up with me and changed, but if you're comfortable with how you look and what you wear, then there's nothing wrong with it.

The only thing that stuck out for me was the mention of sports bras. Do you wear them daily? I find them very uncomfortable and they really squash my boobs. I can only bear wearing them for exercise. I think it would probably be a lot healthier for your natural breast tissue to wear proper everyday bras that support and enhance your natural breasts and allow them a bit of room. I do think it's probably a very bad idea to wear sports bras every day, particularly while your breast tissue is developing and growing.

Also, my Dad told me that I was nothing more than a savage when I got my ears pierced for a second time. Don't mind nasty comments like that. Adolescence is an extremely hard time for everyone, and unfortunately it's also the time when it feels like everyone has the capacity to be quite mean to you. Dress as makes you happy, not as how other people want you to.

Jo King

Appearance is all about context. What is appropriate in a disco may not be appropriate at a job interview. What is wrong with a persons appearance may be that it is inappropriate for the occasion. Meeting an older person always means considering what they think appropriate.Many elderly people are very conscious of their social standing and not looking like a member of a lower order or class of society. Many older men would wear a suit to go to a football match.
Your grandmother may have been disappointed that you made no effort to dress up for her.

sheikhnguyen

Jo King wrote: »

Your grandmother may have been disappointed that you made no effort to dress up for her.

Even if this were true it would not even begin to excuse her grandmother's behavior.

baby and crumble

Op I second the comment about sports bras, it's really important that you get measured and fitted for proper bras as you're growing up. I doubt it's something your dad has much knowledge in, so maybe you could get an aunt or something to bring you if your mam isn't around much? (It's good to have someone there who knows what's going on your first time!)

As for everything else, don't worry about your gran- they always have something to say! Luckily mine used to say this kind of thing nicely- "your hair would look lovely framing your face" or what have you! But you can wear what you want, would she prefer you in tiny mini skirts going up and down the town????

reprazant

Whatever about getting fitted for a bra, I fail to see how wearing a sports bra is sending out the wrong impression, unless she is of the opinion that the right impression is having them on show, which seems to go against everything else she was saying.

iluv2dance10

I genuinely would not take what your grandmother said to heart, everyone has their own unique style and that isn't going to be to everyones liking. Yes, I would definitely agree with getting a good fitting bra as it will stand to you in the long run believe me!

Dress for you & what makes you feel good & confident! x

dazberry

I can't comment on your fashion or appearance sense (as I'm clueless in that direction), but I can't help but feel that those comments were more a dig at one of your parents (or maybe both) than you directly, you just become the focus for it. I suspect that even if you went in dressed "appropriately" :rolleyes: there would still be snipping and points of criticism.

D.

The Cool

OP, I wouldn't worry about her - it's nothing new that different people will have different notions about silly things like what you listed. For example, one of the things you mention that your granny gave you a hard time about was having your ears pierced - when my sister was 7 my granny started harping on that it was awful that she DIDN'T have her ears pierced, and that every little girl should! Also ridiculous! There's no pleasing people. Be yourself, your style sounds totally normal for your age and generation, you're not going to become Little Miss Prim just because your gran has these silly ideas about what you should and shouldn't wear.

Just for laughs though, you should land over to visit in full goth gear with as much skin showing as you can get away with and stick-on piercings, see how she likes that!

Don't mind her
Do get a bra with better support though, it'll feel a lot better to you

tan11ie

She sounds nice!

Wear what ever suits you and what you feel comfortable in.

April O Neill

Faith wrote: »

Grandparents can be particularly cruel because they're from such a different generation.

So true, my granny was never backwards about coming forwards about pointing out when I had gained weight!

Brownhead

Alannah Gallagher wrote: »

My parents seperated and I live with my Dad. Although I spend a lot of my time with my Ma I haven't seen too much of her side of the family. So school being on holiday I thought it would be nice to go to Sligo to visit my Gran last week.

She gave me 4 hours of hell about my appearance then I went home in tears.

Jeans and T Shirt are no clothes for a girl, I should have been wearing a dress or a skirt and blouse. Sports bras give the wrong impression, I should wear one with better support. My hair style is "inappropriate", unless I want people to think I'm a [rude word for a lesbian] I should grow it longer. If God wanted me to have my ears pierced I'd have been born with holes in my ears, my Dad should never have let me get them done, but if I absolutely must wear earrings I should only wear tiny ones. My "big" (they were only about an inch) hoops, especially with makeup (only a tiny bit), make me look half way between a [derogatory word for a traveller] and a "common sl*t".

If I had ever visited my grandmother dressed like that I would have got a good hiding. It was always floor length dresses with high necks and hair brushed up.

yellowlabrador

When your gran was growing up girls wore stockings held up with suspenders or elastic bands. She would most probably feel not dressed unless she also wore a petticoat, a bra that was modelled on a rocketship and a playtex girdle. The nuns at school most probably would measure the length of her skirt because knee length meant knee length and she was most likely very uncomfortable.
I know because I was a teenager in the seventies and these things were dying out then but believe me, when the women's libbers burnt their bras, they did it for a reason. Even in the eighties it was unappropriate to go to work wearing trousers.
Enjoy life, she's obviously jealous.

Kosseegan

yellowlabrador wrote: »

The nuns at school most probably would measure the length of her skirt because knee length meant knee length and she was most likely very uncomfortable.
.

Knee length meant from the waist to below the knee. It does not mean, as some seem to think nowadays from the waist down a distance equivalent to the distance between the top and bottom of the knee, which is about eight centimetres in most cases.