Boyfriend never wants sex

LegacyUser

My boyfriend never seems to want to have sex with me.
When we first got together (Just over a year ago) he was really into it and would always initiate sex and/or some kind of kissing or touching.

Lately(in the past 4/5 months) i've noticed he lacks any interest in any of it, even kissing And it's now always me that tries it on with him and sometimes he blatantly ignores my advances.

One or two times i've gotten rather embarrassed about his rejection of my advances and have said it to him, to which he has replied that he always wants to have sex with me.

Now, as we stand it's been 3 weeks since we last had any form of physical contact other than a peck on the lips here and there... but there was a time where we went 1 month without anything.

I know he watches porn but I doubt he's the type that has a problem in watching it too much. I have lost 1 stone in weight since i first met him and i look better these days but I am starting to think he doesn't find me attractive.

He still calls,texts, puts his arm around me and is the same with me as always it's just he seems to have lost all interest in my sexually and i'm wondering what can I do to change it, because i'm starting to feel like i'm almost coming across as if i'm forcing myself on him,

I suggested we have a sexy night in a few weeks ago through text which went un-noticed in a reply and if I ask him if everything is alright he says he is fine..

What should I do? What does this sound like to you?

Brego888

Intimacy and sex are a really important part of a healthy relationship. To be honest this doesn't bode well for you.
His actions certainly suggest he's losing interest.
I'd sit him down (outside the bedroom) and have a serious talk about it. He needs to make more of an effort if he wants to stay with you.
If he doesn't I'd start thinking of moving on.

Lenmeister

Ya what Brego said. It sounds very much like he's losing interest and that spark is gone. Get that flame going again or you will find yourself in a pretty crappy place. I can't understand guys that watch porn when they have a girlfriend. Their gf should be plenty enough for them not to need or want porn. I also find it weird that you said you lost weight and look better, yet he's still not interested. You need to talk to him now before things become boring. They will if you don't do something about it, and you'll end up losing interest in him.

judgefudge

I don't know what the root of the problem is so I won't speculate about that.

But he owes you an explanation at this stage. Sit him down and ask him straight. If he ignores you or brushes it off tell him you're not happy and you need to know what's going on. It's the only way really.

m'lady

I second everything the previous posters have said, you need to seriously sit him down and discuss this situation. I've been where you are and 2.5 years later I was still in a sexless relationship, not good and seriously affects your confidence, I swore I'd never accept this behaviour again, regardless of the 'reasons' given.

Intimacy is a fundamental thing in any relationship and it is what separates it from a friendship, don't put it off- sit him down and talk.

littleblackDRS

It could have nothing to do with you, he could be stressed or depressed, and is embarressed by it.
But I will echo what everyone else has said here. Sex is a big part of a healthy relationship, and this could be his way of distancing himself from you. But it could be his own problem.
But you do need to talk to him. And if he sticks his head in the sand and refuses to admit anything is wrong, I think you'll need to re-evaluate the relationship.

Flutterby80

m'lady wrote: »

I second everything the previous posters have said, you need to seriously sit him down and discuss this situation. I've been where you are and 2.5 years later I was still in a sexless relationship, not good and seriously affects your confidence, I swore I'd never accept this behaviour again, regardless of the 'reasons' given.

Intimacy is a fundamental thing in any relationship and it is what separates it from a friendship, don't put it off- sit him down and talk.

I've been here too and also listened to every kind of excuse for months on end because I wanted to believe that things would get better. He told me he loved me , hugged me, cuddled me , filled me with crap about our "future" until the day he walked out on me and left me totally devastated . Please don't ignore this problem because in my experience it only ends one way.

LegacyUser

I said it to him and he said that he had absolutely no idea that he was making me feel this way. He said he feels the same way as he always did and didn't notice there was something wrong.

TBH, after reading people's replies, i'm starting to worry that this is his way of distancing himself from me and he is going to drop me in the near future..

sffc

Just throwing it out but do you normally use condoms? Could he be worried about passing on an STI?

LegacyUser

sffc wrote: »

Just throwing it out but do you normally use condoms? Could he be worried about passing on an STI?

Yes. Always use protection.

Lenmeister

Well she said they've been together over a year so I wouldn't imagine so about an sti.

Everybody seems to have the same opinion here though so you should sit down with him and have a proper talk about it. If he doesn't want to listin, make him listen. He's using your time here. You have needs and he's not accomodating at all. The earlier the better. If he doesn't want to hear any of it/keeps making excuses/still doesn't want to have sex, then I don't see your relationship going any further. The reason could be anything, but you'll never know if you don't talk to him about it.

melon_collie

OP you stated in your post that you "know he watches porn" but that you "doubt he's the type that has a problem in watching it too much."

I think that your problem may lie here. I saw a discussion on Sky news last week with regard to porn addiction. Experts on the matter stated that if a man is addicted to porn and pleasures himself in this way then can and will turn him off real sex. I know that might sound mad but its true. Investigate porn addiction online.

It may be possible that you are not fully aware of the extent of his porn watching activities. Appearances can be deceptive.

I would not beat yourself up about your own personal appearance or being unattractive as I am sure that this is not the issue.

SunnyDub1

sounds familiar op, have been there myself before. Just gonna be honest and tell you from my own experience, he is losing interest. It's not that you are not attractive it's prob just fizzled out. It happens.

You mentioned in the post above that you said it to him and he had no idea he was making you feel this way, yet he didn't respond to your text when you suggest having "sexy night" and I can bet you's still haven't had sex since your chat with him.

It doesn't sound like he is been honest with you, chances are he's just lost interest in you and probably will drop you in the near future.

Sex is one thing but if he's not making any kind of physical effort with you(kissing, fore play etc) well then something is up.

make one last attempt with him, talk it out some more but personally if I where you and you don't see and change pronto I'd end the relationship, it's only gonna cause further problems for the relationship and more upset for yourself.

Just to add - I could be completely wrong, but your situation sounds identical to a situation I was in a few years ago and it didn't end well.

Best of luck anyway.