Stupid things my mouth said when my brain is disengaged.

OldGoat

So there I was having a nice rant against the world as is my want when I (occasionally) take the car to work. In the isolation of the car I can let loose a torrent of abuse at numpties in other cars, on bikes, walking, leaning out of windows, crossing roads, everybody in fact. It's therapeutic. I am usually quiet inventive, have the vocabulary of a fishwife and often chortle loudly at my own wordsmithishness.

This morning though I dumbfounded myself.

A car (quite rightfully) changed lane in front of me causing me to fractionally slow down. Needless to say I let rip with verbal abuse aimed at the rear end of the offending car…Werner Schnitzel.
ZMOG! Not even the correctly pronounced Wiener Schnitzel but Werner Schnitzel. If I had called the driver a wiener I might be able to blame an upbringing of American TV and save face but no, I had to invent a new word to compound my "Duh!" moment.

I have no idea where that came from, my brain just dredged up something totally stupid to hurl at someone and my mouth let it issue forth. Rather then the usual litany of four letter words I called him a werner.

Senior moments with OldGoat.

To turn my small confession into a topic for debate I guess I have to pose a question.
Do you often embarrass yourself with stupidity from your mouth?

Jellybaby1

No.

Edit: Oh all right, yes sometimes. But because I am so forgetful, I've forgotten what I said. I try to remain sweet and full of charm. See?

BrensBenz

OldGoat wrote: »

Do you often embarrass yourself with stupidity from your mouth?

No. My theory (and yes, I have a theory for almost everything) is that if they don't understand my utterances, it's because we inhabit different locations in Thicksville and they should make more effort to accommodate my (slightly) superior location. Because of this, any embarrassment on my part is unnecessary,
I learned this from Open University lecturers, with hilarious hairdos and no talent for public speaking, who spouted incomprehensible nonsense, backed up by charts drawn in crayon. I didn't understand the lectures but these Gonks had more letters after their names than I have so my address in Thicksville must have been down-market from theirs.
Now, if you don't understand this, it (again) is because of our different locations - you just need to try harder.

Also, the amplitude of soundwaves diminishes over distance and is severely reduced by "windowscreens" so, while the Werner Schnitzel may have seen your mouth moving under an angry expression, it's unlikely that he received those soundwaves.
However, if your noticed Werner Schnitzel in your rearview mirror, for several miles, with a moving mouth, an angry expression, waving at you without using all of his fingers, accompanied by hornblasts, it may not be wise to stop and discuss your differing addresses in Thicksville. I'd don a trilby because, as we all know, men in trilby hats are entitled to interpret the rules of the road in unique and spontaneous manners. After all, when they moved to Thicksville, "all of this was fields, you know."

Jellybaby1

BrensBenz wrote: »

...the amplitude of soundwaves diminishes over distance and is severely reduced by "windowscreens"

Can I use the above phrase instead of 'speak up, I can't hear you!?"

Rube, for God's sake hurry up, the aliens have landed! :eek:

(Brilliant piece of writing, O superior one.)

mp22

Stupid things my mouth has said "I do"..............

Lexicographer

My brain seems to just substitute words for no reason, was making a berry crumble yesterday and son comes in and asks what I am making, my answer was 'curry'. He is still laughing.

Chucken

Oh Lexi, I thought I was the only one :eek:

I'm constantly being asked to "repeat that in English"

Funny thing is, my daughter does it too and shes only 28.
Is it hereditary I wonder?

OldGoat

OldGoat wrote: »

A car (quite rightfully) changed lane in front of me causing me to fractionally slow down. Needless to say I let rip with verbal abuse aimed at the rear end of the offending car…Werner Schnitzel.

Sorry for crashing your forum but I have to point out that it would have been so much worse if you'd called him a Werthers Original!

Queen-Mise

BrensBenz wrote: »

No. My theory (and yes, I have a theory for almost everything) is that if they don't understand my utterances, it's because we inhabit different locations in Thicksville [/I]

This entire post is genius.

I constantly fcuk up what I am saying (see irony)... Although can't remember any at the moment.

Although - we have created a few saying in our house because of disengaged brain thinking like:

tealeaf - thief
skillage -
do you standunder me?
roundybout - roundabout
'A sad fate of a stairs' is one of my favourites. My kids still haven't worked out this one.


I usually get two words mixed up and then come out with some combination of the two of them. I have some very Thicksville moments.

Alice1

Queen-Mise wrote: »

This entire post is genius.

I constantly fcuk up what I am saying (see irony)... Although can't remember any at the moment.

Although - we have created a few saying in our house because of disengaged brain thinking like:

tealeaf - thief
skillage -
do you standunder me?
roundybout - roundabout
'A sad fate of a stairs' is one of my favourites. My kids still haven't worked out this one.


I usually get two words mixed up and then come out with some combination of the two of them. I have some very Thicksville moments.

Oh love it Queen Mise. Tis called a spoonerism and they always delight me. I love "Rindercella and the Sugly Isters"

BBDBB

Ronnie Barker used to do some brilliant sketches using spoonerisms

at the end of one he offered a toast to the Queer old Dean (Dear Old Queen)

Oryx

I once asked an undertaker 'Hows business?'

Rubecula

I had trouble remembering the names of the items I needed in hospital. Diaprose ointment became Database Ointment, Floatrons became Floaters and so on. I was not so much embarrassed by the use of long words, but by my total inability to remember words in the first place. Still it provided a few giggles for the nursing staff.

Jellybaby1

Is 'tea leaf' Cockney rhyming slang for 'thief'? I've heard that one since the fifties and I'm sure it wasn't new then either.

OldGoat

Yep,it is.