Feeling left behind

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Before i write this, please forgive me if it sounds like a real "first world problems" rant.

So to the crux of the matter, I'm a 23 yo female and it seems that EVERYONE my age or a few years older are living the high life and having a ball in a different country/city, and I'm still here, stuck at home.

Bit of background about me, I lived away from home for 3 years while doing my undergrad. Then moved back home to do my masters here in Cork. I got on well in my masters, and I'm now doing a PhD with my same supervisor.

Yet, sometimes, I feel that I'm back to where I've started in that I'm back living at home (still in college!) whereas when I stream through the facebook timeline, I see old college friends/ classmates from school are living it up in Oz, USA, Asia, etc. with the sun and the beach

It makes me feel inadequate in that this is the time of my life I should be enjoying by travelling and seeing the world - but instead I'm stuck reading. Moreover, one of my closest friends announced that she's leaving to study in London in September and hopes to live there for a few years.

I have no regrets with doing the PhD - it was a fantastic opportunity that will make me more employable in the long run, but I sometimes daydream and think - what would it be like to be living in California or London right now. Suppose it's a case of grass is always greener.


Sorry if this all sounds like complete drivel,

Anon

Passenger

aprilblues wrote: »

Hi all,

Before i write this, please forgive me if it sounds like a real "first world problems" rant.

So to the crux of the matter, I'm a 23 yo female and it seems that EVERYONE my age or a few years older are living the high life and having a ball in a different country/city, and I'm still here, stuck at home.

Bit of background about me, I lived away from home for 3 years while doing my undergrad. Then moved back home to do my masters here in Cork. I got on well in my masters, and I'm now doing a PhD with my same supervisor.

Yet, sometimes, I feel that I'm back to where I've started in that I'm back living at home (still in college!) whereas when I stream through the facebook timeline, I see old college friends/ classmates from school are living it up in Oz, USA, Asia, etc. with the sun and the beach

It makes me feel inadequate in that this is the time of my life I should be enjoying by travelling and seeing the world - but instead I'm stuck reading. Moreover, one of my closest friends announced that she's leaving to study in London in September and hopes to live there for a few years.

I have no regrets with doing the PhD - it was a fantastic opportunity that will make me more employable in the long run, but I sometimes daydream and think - what would it be like to be living in California or London right now. Suppose it's a case of grass is always greener.


Sorry if this all sounds like complete drivel,

Anon

This (the bold text above) seems to be an extremely common pretext for threads in PI. I think people put too much stock in the fact that their friends Facebook profiles project what they want you to see but they're actual lives are probably more mundane then one might extrapolate from viewing a photo of them on a beach someplace sunny. Remember they choose what they want you to see. They're hardly gonna post all the bad stuff that's happening to them abroad; the loneliness, pining for home, etc.

You're doing a PHD. That's a massive achievement and will hold you in good stead in the future. Do any of your friends on the beach on Facebook hold the title of 'Dr.'??

Hannibal Smith

Whatever you read on FB, dilute by half and you might be close to the truth. Not saying your friends are liars or anything, but people tend to act like the big 'I am' but in reality they're probably crying in a grotty bedsit!

You're only in your 20s, life doesn't end when you hit 30, you can still do all the things you want to do, your PhD is only taking a fraction out of your time, so you're not being left behind, you've just chosen a different route to get to where you want to be.

Roisy7

Hey OP,

One of my closest college friends has been living in Oz for nearly 2 years and she has had to work bloody hard to get a decent standard of life over there. So while I envy her the sunshine, don't envy her 14 hour days.

Australia especially isn't the paradise its made out to be. Comparisions are odious, and you're doing a very beneficial thing by doing your phd.

London has lousy weather too and while an amazing place, it's very hard to "make" it there.

I have no argument against California, it really does seem amazing :P

Maybe you will be in a far better position in a couple of years to travel and see the world? If you go into lecturing you might be able to teach in a foreign uni? Just a thought!

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I don't usually post here but when I read your post I had to! Trust me, those FB updates bear very little resemblance to real life.

I've lived in Oz for more than 3 years and yes, its an amazing place, lovely people, plenty to see and do but trust me, it is not a bed of roses its made out to be on FB (especially if you are on the work-holiday visa which I assume most of your friends are on.) In my experience, it can be very tough to get a good job on one of those visas, you live in houseshares with about 15 people, (3 per bedroom!), filthy bathrooms and cockroaches.

One of the girls i went with was notorious for putting these Facebook updates up which in no way correlated with her was going. On Facebook, it was all "oh best night out ever!!" "36 degree heat" and "another lazy day at the beach!!" In reality, she couldn't get a job, her new Australian "boyfriend" (our housemate) cheated on her in the bedroom next to her (!!) so she spent her days crying over this and then to top it all off, she got oral herpes off a randomer who she kissed!! Noone back home had any idea what was going on and only for the fact I was there with her, I'd have no idea either!!

You're getting an PhD and you're only 23!?? By the time you finish, you'll still be young enough to do some travelling. I met loads of people over there in their late 20s.

Best of luck with the study!

aprilblues

aprilblues wrote: »

Hi all,

Before i write this, please forgive me if it sounds like a real "first world problems" rant.

So to the crux of the matter, I'm a 23 yo female and it seems that EVERYONE my age or a few years older are living the high life and having a ball in a different country/city, and I'm still here, stuck at home.

Bit of background about me, I lived away from home for 3 years while doing my undergrad. Then moved back home to do my masters here in Cork. I got on well in my masters, and I'm now doing a PhD with my same supervisor.

Yet, sometimes, I feel that I'm back to where I've started in that I'm back living at home (still in college!) whereas when I stream through the facebook timeline, I see old college friends/ classmates from school are living it up in Oz, USA, Asia, etc. with the sun and the beach

It makes me feel inadequate in that this is the time of my life I should be enjoying by travelling and seeing the world - but instead I'm stuck reading. Moreover, one of my closest friends announced that she's leaving to study in London in September and hopes to live there for a few years.

I have no regrets with doing the PhD - it was a fantastic opportunity that will make me more employable in the long run, but I sometimes daydream and think - what would it be like to be living in California or London right now. Suppose it's a case of grass is always greener.


Sorry if this all sounds like complete drivel,

Anon

That's it right there, OP. I'm not saying living abroad isn't great, but the grass IS always greener. Living and working somewhere is not a holiday. People always say how lucky I am to live in Spain. I am lucky, it's great. The weather is lovely and we're near the beach. But it's not all fun and games. The economy is worse than Ireland, salaries are extremely low, the bureaucracy is endless, the locals can be very cliquey so it's hard to make friends, it's horrid going to the doctor/hospital when you don't fully understand what's going on...it's not paradise by any means. I used to live in London which is one harsh city for someone on a low salary like I was. Most of the people you see living it up there are either being supported by Mammy and Daddy or getting into piles of debt. London is only glamorous if you're rich.

People present what they want to present. A lot of people, for some reason (I don't get it because I don't do it) want others to be jealous of their perfect lives so they only post the good stuff.

beks101

Hi OP,

I think you're very wise to be going as far in education as you possibly can at a young age, because that will really open doors for you should you decide to do some travelling in the future.

It would set you up for a higher quality of life abroad than a lot of your friends are experiencing, if that's ever something that would interest you.

I can tell you from my experience overseas that a lot of my friends have done the travel thing, got it out of their system only to come back to Ireland years later & be faced with the "what now?" question. Some have struggled to find work, some have gone on to do Masters, most have found that transition very difficult, to be "back at square one" so to speak because they had the craic abroad & then their visas ran out.

You're doing a PhD - you're going as far as you academically can before thinking about travel etc, your qualifications will always stand to you, at home or overseas. You could start a career overseas with that, or you could go backpacking for a year & come home safe in the knowledge that you have those exceptional academic achievements & your studying days are behind you.

So quit comparing yourself to your friends, your lives are incomparable & as others have demonstrated, you're getting a skewed view of their lives anyway.

DoozerT6

beks101 wrote: »

I can tell you from my experience overseas that a lot of my friends have done the travel thing, got it out of their system only to come back to Ireland years later & be faced with the "what now?" question. Some have struggled to find work, some have gone on to do Masters, most have found that transition very difficult, to be "back at square one" so to speak because they had the craic abroad & then their visas ran out.


So quit comparing yourself to your friends, your lives are incomparable & as others have demonstrated, you're getting a skewed view of their lives anyway.

This. OP as you're only 23, I guess a lot of your friends are off on working holiday visas and the like, as opposed to living and working full-time, permanently in foreign climes? So reality check: They'll be back in Cork in a few months/a year, back at square one as beks101 said, while you at that stage will be (hopefully!) more employable than any of them, and will still only be in your mid-20's. Believe me, you're still very young!! and will have PLENTY of time to take a year or so out, even later in your 20's if you want to get some work under your belt for a couple of years before doing so. You will still be eligible for a WHV for Oz until you're 31, afaik.

And as for posting wonderful photos up - well who's to say that for the other 6.5 days of the week they aren't working in some sweaty bar, or as an office drone somewhere, and are posting photos of the only day/night out they may have had all month! On another note, extreme heat can be just as trying as Irish weather - often it's genuinely too hot to go anywhere or do anything, and you're sweating like a pig into the bargain!

Don't envy them - be pleased for them, because someday they'll be back working in Ireland and looking at YOUR facebook photos of your round-the-world trip and sighing with jealousy

LegacyUser

I know it is tough to still be studying and broke when your friends have moved onto the next stage of life ie getting a job and doing some travel.
You need to remember what the other posts have said here.

I know someone who worked for a while and decided to go back to do a phd.
The phd helped them get a job with a good organisation near were they were from and they moved up the ladder here also.

Some times you have you have to take a long term view when you decide to do further education or take a job with bad hours. Doing these can help you get a job, get a better job and long term a higher income. Over the space of 5 to 10 years you will find out how the phd has benefited you. Just look as this period of short term pain ( not having money, studying and not traveling) which will have a long term gain (good salary).
When you get a job you will may be in a position to take time off to travel. You will have the money to stay in a nice hotel and not a hostel full of back packers.
Also with a phd you may have the chance to work abroad or get a job that would not be open to your friends

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Original OP here. Just checking back in to thank you all for your positive comments - as ye all have said. it seems like Facebook is the instigating this way of thinking (so I might have to limit my time on it or cut it out completely it's toxic!).

December2012

Well, it's hardly a websites fault that you feel inadequate is it?

Look at yourself, why do you feel this way?

Are you assuming everybody else has it better based on what you read and hear from whatever source, or is it that you cannot see the wood from the trees?

Others will always talk about the things they are happy about, it's not fake as such. It's highlighting the good. Do you highlight enough of your own good? Are you appreciating all of your own worth, skills and value?

Are you having fun?