Not sure anymore

LegacyUser

Hi, i've read this forum a few times and always found that the advice given was great so i'll try and keep this brief and to the point on my situation going on.

Me and girlfriend have been going out for the past 3 and a half years, living together for the last 2 in a 2bed apartment. Low and behold, I broke it off with her last week. I'm not 100% sure on why but I'll try and get to that in a while and explain

I do love her and know she loves me, we're both in are early 20tys and have been discussing our future and all that goes along with it over the last few months.I do want that stuff but feel she wants it sooner.

I think i got freaked out and am freaked out about it at this stage in my life. We get on great, loads of movies, gigs, very similar interests but we're always together bar when working. I think of being single and i think thats a bad sign, i've come close to cheating and i think i've made the right decision to break it off but on the other hand i didn't cheat and think maybe i should see if she wants to give it another go.

Anyway she's been staying with friends for the last week to sort her head out but is back up tomorrow for 1 or 2 days to collect her things and go. We haven't talked since the break-up

I'm unsure of what to do, I think I should leave her go and not hurt her again or see if she wants to make ago of it again. We've broke up a few times but never anything serious but this time is different I suppose.

I think if I do try and we do get back together it will just go south but at the same time i know i miss her but don't want to mess with her head.

Should I just stay out of her way till she's gone or tell her i feel i've made a mistake and if she's willing (thats if she is) to give it one more go

CBFi

I'd give it time. Let her go and take some time away from the relationship. It sounds like you're not sure and you would be certain if you knew deep down. Of course you care about her and will miss her but perhaps the relationship has run its course?

Good luck with everything OP.

IrishEyes19

I think it's very telling that you said you think if you give it another shot, it will go south! look your not a bad guy and its clear that your heart and head are in two very different places. your heart feels bad for her and is looking back on good aspects and the feelings you have for her, but your head is telling you, its come to a close. I agree with the other poster. end it at least for now. give you and her time to think it through and expect that the first while you are going to have doubts and moments where you really think you made a mistake, but in 80 percent of cases, these are just fleeting. you need to trust your instincts. sometimes you can love someone but not be in love enough to want to commit fully. best of luck

LegacyUser

I think you have done the right thing here. You and her were talking about the future and you feel that she wants the marriage/kids/buying a house things before you do.
I know some woman get into a relationship and get fixated on moving things on to this stage.
You are both in your early 20's so you both have time on your side for marriage/kids/house buying.
It is better that you ended things now rather than stay with her for a another few years with her thinking the above is on the cards.
I know couples who were together a few years and due to pressure from her or family got married, had children or bought a house or apartment. A few years later the relationship broke up and left them both with a lot of problems or with a child or children caught up with there parents braking up.
I know that in your relationship you had good times and you sound like a decent guy who rather than stay in a relationship because it is easy knows that it is better for you to split up.
At this stage you both need to spend time apart from each other and move on with your lives.
Maybe at some stage in the future you may meet up and get together again when you both want the same things. Perhaps in 5 or 10 years time you both could be happy living different lives, with different people and look back on this time as one of positive change for you both.

sffc

I think its very telling that these nagging doubts are only creeping in after a week . You have gone back to an empty apartment for a lot of nights and not felt these feelings . As other posters have said this relationship sounds like it has come to a natural end . You had the guts to end it which is in your favour although you may feel guilty . Please note also that your ex has not bombarded you with texts/calls . She may very well be reconciled to the split . Best of luck .