Friends not helping

Bulky Boy

Hey,

I've started going to the gym again with the intention of getting quite big. This means I need to be very strict with my diet - reduced coffee, tea, alcohol, drugs... lots of food, water and sleep.

The reason I need to be so strict is both "scientific" reasons (alcohol making creatine inneffective etc) and psychological (I'm very much into extremes - either lots of alcohol or none - I can't do moderate.)

The problem is this:

My friends are putting quite a bit of pressure on me to get drunk/stoned etc. I really don't want to do this as I'm very serious about my training (and I'm actually tired of wasting all my money on beer.)

How should I handle this? The "peer pressure" is quite heavy, and they're making me feel like a boring arse. And I know there is only so many cinema/DVD nights my girlfriend will put up with before she wants me to go out and get locked.

What can I realistically do?

Moderation won't really work for me (I've tried it before) and it's not as if I'm sitting at home - I have no problem going to the pub with them with me not drinking...

But this pisses them off.

Is there a solution?

December2012

How old are you?

Bulky Boy

December2012 wrote: »

How old are you?

22

December2012

I find that Irish people are suspicious of those who don't drink. We feel we are being judged as drunken eejits.

Can you be as much fun not drinking as you are drinking?

Not to others, but in your own opinion.

Bulky Boy

December2012 wrote: »

I find that Irish people are suspicious of those who don't drink. We feel we are being judged as drunken eejits.

Can you be as much fun not drinking as you are drinking?

Not to others, but in your own opinion.

Yeah I think I can but the constant ribbing is annoying

a posse ad esse

You want to know what realistically to do? Meet and make new friends that share the same principles. When I was your age not one of my friends pressured me to drink or use. I think the issue is who we make friends with. Not everyone in Ireland is a drunken eejit. But if you met and made friends that you've drank and used with then these are the type of people you've associated with and this will be difficult for you.

You have to make an important decision with your life. Do you want to be with people that are going to judge you because you want to make improvements in your life? Are you comfortable being around friends that make you feel uncomfortable? Or ones that badger you because you've said no?

I think friends who make the biggest deal about friends who want to make healthy changes in their life are those who have the biggest problems with alcohol/drugs and don't want to admit it. If the person is a secure individual and is comfortable with the fact that you've made changes then it should not be a problem with them. People have to make lifestyle changes to become sober and healthy and sometimes this includes losing some friends in the process and go out and make new ones who don't care if you drink or not.

Did you tell them upfront as to why you are doing this and that you are not going to drink or use? What if you were diagnosed with diabetes or a heart condition would they still pressure you to drink and use?

December2012

If its just ribbing then you'll have to deal with it as you would any other kind of joking.

Slag back, don't rise to it, or don't hang around with them.

If they are really putting you off your goals, don't let them.

CianRyan

Buy coke and tell them there's vodka/whiskey in it.

If you usually drink beer, switching to vodka would be grand if you do end up drinking moderately. It's a much cleaner alcohol.

Bulky Boy

CianRyan wrote: »

Buy coke and tell them there's vodka/whiskey in it.

If you usually drink beer, switching to vodka would be grand if you do end up drinking moderately. It's a much cleaner alcohol.

Not sure I want to lie either. Being truthful is important as well in the new way of life

CianRyan

Bulky Boy wrote: »

Not sure I want to lie either. Being truthful is important as well in the new way of life

It hardly a malicious lie, besides if you get caught they're the one that should feel guilty for pushing you to it.

Go out, have fun and don't drink. They'll soon get over it.

ash23

I wouldn't lie about it but I wouldn't bow to pressure either.
I have found in the past though that people who are on diets or gym fans or healthy living, can get a bit obsessive about it and frankly become boring about it for a while. A bit preachy or something. Similar to the way some people become baby bores when they have kids initially.

Maybe when they slag you a bit, don't jump to defend and don't go on about the hows and whys of why you're not drinking. Just ignore it and change the subject. Don't make a big deal about what you're doing, just carry on in a quiet and unassuming way.
I wouldn't even notice if I was out with a friend and they weren't drinking to be honest. Unless they are doing the whole "I'm not drinking" thing.

I'm probably not making much sense but it's just something worth considering. I have one friend who lost weight and initially I was delighted for her but she really did become intolerable for a while. It was all she could talk about and if I were eating or drinking she'd be all "oh god, do you know how many calories are in a glass of wine?".

Are you being a bit virtuous about it?

username123

The person who suggested you get new friends is correct.

I quit drinking for a year for health reasons before and I ended up ditching some friends as a result. These people who couldnt accept that I was no longer slamming down shots with them and ending up in a mess at 4am. Basically, my changed behaviour brought their bad (and my previously bad) behaviour into focus - and they didnt like that. They were questioning their own drinking if i didnt drink - so it was easier to pressure me to continue drinking than look at their own behaviour.

It wasnt that I became a boring old fart sober, it was that their own slurred messy behaviour was brought into sharp relief because I was not also in that state with them. They felt I was judging them because now I could see them sober. The truth is that very drunk people dont make for very good conversationalists so I often became bored and left early - also because I didnt have the false energy of alcohol. It was nothing to do with being preachy or virtuous - I still went to things, I danced, I chatted, I enjoyed the night with moderate drinkers, but the ones who saw a night out as a complete session to get totally hammered were the ones I drew back from.

I have never regretted losing those friends, they were the losers who couldnt cope with a non drinker in their midst. My real friends were the ones who were simply pleased for me that my stomach felt better and who didnt care if I drank or not. Their friendship wasnt just based around having someone to get wasted with.