Should I stay or should I go?

Picard50

Hi. New here but see a lot of good advise been given so will give this a try. Think I need a good talking to. Just over a year ago I became bored with marriage and really believed my wife and I became very distant and fought a lot. I joined a dating website and got chatting to several women on a regular basis but avoided meeting any of them as I wasnt comfortable with straying until I got chatting with a girl who didnt live far from me. We clicked straight away and chatted online almost every night before swapping numbers and moving onto texting almost daily. After a few weeks we agreed to meet and it was fantastic. She knew from the start I was married but I guess she enjoyed the thrill and excitement of meeting also. We met on a regular basis for sex and chatted almost daily for the bones of 4 months. About two months ago, she met a friend of her brother in laws and fell for him and while she found it hard to say goodbye to me (so she says) she wanted something normal and didnt want to be sneaking around anymore. She said she would miss me but needed to move on. I got to admit I was pretty heartbroken and didnt realise I had such strong feelings for this girl and I made them clear to her. She said that she had feelings for me also but was afraid of getting hurt as I had 3 kids with my wife and that she could never be sure I could not ever want to go back. I'm 36 she is 31. In the meantime I left my phone about the house after a night out and my wife picked up my phone to find a few emails between me and this woman. She was devastated but at same time she knew something was up as my behaviour had been different over the last few months. To my surprise, my wife still wants to save our marriage and I have suddenly realised she loves me dearly. I love my kids very much and dont want to hurt them but I just cant figure out if I love my wife as much as she loves me and as well as that I still pine for this other girl. Would love some advice. Do I give my marriage another go or do I call it quits as I dont want to hurt my wife anymore and I cant guarantee I would not cheat again. I would love to hear back from this other girl telling me she misses me but I doubt that will happen. I have a big fear if i walk from my marriage I could soon realise down the road what a terrible mistake I made and regret it for the rest of my life. My wife is a good person and supports me in everything I do. I would be lucky to find another woman who has supported me so much but does she deserve a man who cant love her as much? She wants to try counseling but will that make me love her again? I'm unsure. A good telling off or advise would be appreciated.

StillWaters

What do you want to hear here? You have acted appallingly, selfishly and recklessly.

You are caught up in a drama rama teenage type infatuation. Your wife has been more tolerant than most would be and offered an olive branch of counselling. Either take it or leave. Your naval gazing will be a lot more angst ridden as you stretch money to support 2 homes, see your 3 kids on a Sunday, who will of course be devastated, and as you pay maintenance for the next 20 years or so.

Time to start acting like the father you are and not some mooney teenager.

Picard50

StillWaters wrote: »

What do you want to hear here? You have acted appallingly, selfishly and recklessly.

You are caught up in a drama rama teenage type infatuation. Your wife has been more tolerant than most would be and offered an olive branch of counselling. Either take it or leave. Your naval gazing will be a lot more angst ridden as you stretch money to support 2 homes, see your 3 kids on a Sunday, who will of course be devastated, and as you pay maintenance for the next 20 years or so.

Time to start acting like the father you are and not some mooney teenager.

Thank you for your honesty. Yes I have acted irresponsibly and to be honest 2 years ago I would have never thought I would be capable of doing something like this. Maybe I need to hear some harsh truths. I sometimes feel I rushed in to my marriage (another story) and that been at me for a long time now but i tried to ignore those feelings. I didnt intend on having an affair but since I did I have begun to think more and more if my wife and I are made for each other. We have had many arguements since she found out about this other woman but will these continue for many years to come and will we end up being bitter towards each other or can we work it out and come out stronger. I have so many questions but so little answers.

StillWaters

Your language is like that of a teenager 'made for each other'. That's just nonsense. These years are hard OP, when children are young, money is tight and the high romance seems to be gone. Of course you are having arguments. Your wife is furious with you. This is a consequence of your actions.
Stop belly gazing and go to couples counselling.

Brego888

You owe it to your wife and for your family to do the counselling.
Yes it may not work, that's the worst case scenario.
And forget about your relationship fantasy with this other woman. She let you down gently and moved on. She doesn't want anything more to do with you.

OP, you received plenty of advice on this on your original thread a month ago. If you want new advice on the same issue please stick to the original. As you don't seem to have gotten anywhere in a month I am locking this.