Is this normal?

Hannah Gigi

I seem to find it very hard to get over people. I'm talking even short-term relationships here as I've never had a long-term relationship.

I was seeing a guy who I met through a friend for 3 months before he ended it at the start of this year, saying it was getting too serious and he didn't want a serious relationship. I was pretty upset when he ended it as he had seemed really keen all along but I tried to move on quickly and not make a big deal of it because I didn't want any awkwardness with my friend. I didn't let myself overanalyse the situation, didn't look at his facebook profile once, etc. I thought I did pretty well.

However over the past couple of weeks, I've seen the guy again a few times, for the first time since he dumped me. We've all been hanging out as a group and acting as if we're good friends and nothing happened between us. I found it all really difficult. Not helped by the fact that he's now seeing another girl who is also a mutual friend and she is really beautiful and popular. She's the girl that all my male friends have wanted to get with for years and now he's got her. And now I feel like all my hard work in the immediate aftermath of the break-up was useless because now I'm getting all the feelings of what-could-have-been and why-can't-I-be-like-her.

I seem to lack common sense or something, like I know if the guy wasn't into me then there's no point wishing the relationship could have worked out because it would have been a bad one. But I still have these feelings of inferiority, then I get annoyed with myself for feeling like this and it feeds into each other. Is it normal to feel this way? I wish I could take a pill that would make me forget!

kjl

3 months is a long time to be with someone, ok it's not years but it can still hurt when you break up with someone. I think you are just going through the phases of losing someone. It's OK to be upset. Plus it's also hard seeing someone you like with someone else.

You seem like a nice girl. I am sure you will meet someone you like again, but for now, try to forget about this guy. It didn't work out, but of course you are not inferior. Don't compare yourself to this new girl or anyone, just be yourself and things will work out.

WittyKitty1

i get very attached to people very quickly in friendships and relationships- which usually makes me want to bolt as I fear i'll be broken up with and left heart broken (it takes me ages to get over relationships or friendships ending) .

You're probably just a sensitive person who takes these things to heart, there's nothing wrong with you and it's not abnormal.

3 months is a good while to be seeing someone and you probably got a little routine going with texts, hanging out and whatever else so when that ends it's pretty hard for a while to get yourself into a different routine.

As for that girl- there is always 'That girl' that all the guys seems to just die over- And they always seem to be the complete opposite to you in every way,right? You need to look at your own good points and forget about hers because there will always be another popular good looking girl to take her place-

Hope this helped

IrishEyes19

I really agree with everyone else here and it cant be helping that you now have to see the same guy with someone else. First thing is dont compare yourself to the new girl. there is no point. He got with her for different reasons that someday if they ever break up, she might just start comparing too. there is no reason to doubt yourself over guys. you do that, and you really set yourself up for heartbreak because in new relationships, you focus so much on what you are doing wrong, you end up over analysing and pushing the guy away.

relax now and maybe just date for a while, but not put anything down in stone. It takes a while to get over someone. treat yourself and be glad that you care. maybe people dont say this much, but rather getting down on yourself for feeling sad that someone ended it. Its good to feel, rather than not feel at all. You just have to live by the philosophy that when the right person appears, its going to feel so right. And you wont have these doubts anymore.

And as regards the ex, if possible, just avoid on the occasions you feel the other girl might be around if it upsets you. dont put yourself on the firing line just now. its ok to feel affected by it, and its ok to not be ok with it. I dont think Id feel comfortable seeing any ex's with their new partners and being in the same area for a long time. Its not that I have feelings anymore or ill will against them. It would just be awkward for me personally. History with someone is a big thing. so I would politely excuse myself for my own sake. not theirs.

best of luck

Hannah Gigi

Thanks everyone, I was just a bit worried that I shouldn't be feeling bad about something that was short-lived but you've made me feel better. Even if it didn't mean much to him, doesn't say that it didn't mean anything to me. The girl made things harder but what can ya do, that's completely out of my control. Anyway I'll have to seem them both again in 2 weeks, it's a close friend's birthday party so I can't miss it. I'll just try be happy for them though.

IrishEyes19

Skip the party if its too much. I know people say oh face it, you need to get out there and get going, show him you are getting on with life. But sometimes reminders can be set backs too when you arent quite there yet. If you think that seeing them will be awkward, take the friend aside, explain why you cant go. Now Im not saying exclude yourself from going out. Not at all. Just judge how you feel pre-party about the whole thing and decide from there. I've had a few occasions where I went to an event where an ex was and it wasnt right for me and it sent me backwards. But, having said that, you might be at the stage where its ok and thats great! As long as you feel you can handle it. go for it.