how to get over it

LegacyUser

Hi All

I recently ended a relationship that basically wasn't healthy, I spent my time upset, unsure of myself and making excuses for him when he cancelled or whatever. I know its for the best as he has a lot of growing up to do. But i still like him i thought i was over him, I had seen him around once or twice and was ok about everything but then my best friend said she saw him out the other night and was kissing a random girl, she's 100% sure it was him... Initially I was like whatever we aren't together but it just hurts to know he was with someone else. I'm pretty sure that its not going anywhere as he told me he's in no place for a serious relationship as he has too much going on in his life, personal, previous girlfriend, having a child and family issues etc...

i hate knowing that he can still effect me, im trying to keep busy but every now and again im like is he with another girl.... i think its more becuase i havent been with another person since i ended it... but its only been a month and I dont want to go around just kissing other people im not that sort of person! It's just crappy as i know he can be a really great guy if he just sorted out his issues....

Is there anything i can do to help myself get over him???

kjl

Hi OP,

I am so sorry you feel this way, I know how sad and upset you can feel after a breakup.

Unfortunately the only medicine for a broken heart is time. If I was your friend I wouldn't have even said anything to you about seeing your ex kissing someone else, but maybe you can use this as the closure you need to get over this guy.

You said in your post that it probably isn't serious with this other girl and personally I think this is negative thinking. I think you should stop holding out for him and just forget about him. I assume he broke up with you, so you should see that as final and not think or hope for a future with him.

And you don't have to run out and score someone else to make you feel better, it's not a game with him, it's a break up.

LegacyUser

It was actually me who ended it with him, I was unhappy with how he was treating me and I wasn't focusing on college and my work was suffering! I wasn't myself and usually I'm a happy go lucky person that doesn't get bogged down in much but I had a moment of realisation one day and talked to him about it and I decided that he didn't have time and was caught up in his own issues, I supported him and tried to help him but he just wouldn't listen to me... He wanted to keep the relationship going but said he couldn't promise it would get better and that he knew he had messed me around...

So yeah I ended it not him and unfortunately I have to let time go by.... Is it best to maybe get focused on something else/ throw myself into work??

Babooshka

unregistered99 wrote: »

Hi All
I recently ended a relationship that basically wasn't healthy, I spent my time upset, unsure of myself and making excuses for him when he cancelled or whatever. I know its for the best as he has a lot of growing up to do......

But i still like him

Is there anything i can do to help myself get over him???

Why do you still like him? ...Is it that you like having your head wrecked or being upset? Some people are addicted to the arenalin of drama and all of that...Ask yourself why you still like him, if he wrecked your head and made you feel crap, and you still somehow think you like the bloke. Maybe it's just that you still fancy him, now that's another thing entirely.


Yes, you will get over him if you just move on, you said yourself you weren't happy how he treated you and your work at college was suffering...just parent yourself, tell yourself you're not allowed to go near him. Cry by yourself if you want to, to allow yourself to get over it, but don't give him any more of your time and just move onto other people who deserve your time. That's pretty much it, there's no big key to getting over a relationship, just time (And not going back to A-holes). Maybe it's going to take longer than you first thought.Move along now...best of luck.

kjl

Look, you sound like a nice girl. You made a decision because of the way he was treating you. Some people are so negative that they start to anchor themselves to the people around them and bring them down too.

I could tell you to focus on work, but the honest truth is that probably isn't going to help you much. I know when I am upset about something it plays on my mind, creeps into my dreams and I feel hurt thinking about how things played out. The good news is it does get better and in a couple of weeks when you have had time to work it all out you will feel better about it.

You've probably heard this before, but why don't you write him a letter. Tell him everything you want to say about why you are upset. Do not send it, wait 24 hours and reread it, if you feel it is something you want him to know then send it. I do this a lot and 99% I don't send the letter but it helps me feel better and work out my feelings.

I really hope you feel better.

LegacyUser

thanks for the advice guys, i didnt write a letter but ive done a pro/con list which isn't finished yet but so far 3 pros and 21 cons... i think that pretty much says it all!

I'm moving on or well trying, i feel free and feel like im getting back to my old self ive noticed i was down a lot and my friend said she can see the bubbly side coming back... that and its sunny outside. I've decided ive no time for his drama in my life and he needs to grow the F**k up.


long story short one of the girls in work knows the girl he kissed and apparently he's being over bearing and texting her non stop like he did with me and in her words stalking her and she's not attracted to him at all! I thought id be hurt but surprisingly its a relief as ive tried to move on before but he always pulled me back in but hopefully he'll be occupied at trying to get this other girl and leave me alone.