seperation problems

LegacyUser

i was on this forum before complaining about a domineering motherinlaw since then my marraige has finished...i married a polish girl and over the course of the marraige her mother came over and completely took over the hse and our daughter was a nightmare...i wish to get a neutrals point of view on whats happening now...my ex wife is currently in college and i promised to help with the mortgage and pay for au pair until she is finished...over the last two years we have had 3 polish au pairs over the last two years which were organised by the dreaded mother inlaw ...the last one left 3 weeks ago so i said to my ex that in order for me to keep paying me and her will have to pick the next au pair not her mother..anyways i came back from work other evening and there in the kitchen was another polish woman and yes a friend of her mother just came over i was then told she was the new au pair ..im raging the woman hasnt a word of english ...i dont want pay this woman and i dont think i will...if i dont my wife may have to drop out of college as we wont have time too get another..but i dont care any more i cant put up with this anymore ..any one have an opinion

tinkerbell

Eh ... If you are the one paying for the au pair, then why aren't you picking the au pair? Tell your mother in law to keep her nose out of it and tell the au pair that there's been a misunderstanding and you will not be hiring her. Stand up for yourself OP and stop being a doormat.

kjl

Not to give you a hard time OP, but the au pair is not meant to be cheap child minder. The idea behind them is that they come to learn English and the culture.

Perhaps you should be looking into professorial child care and you would have more say in who gets selected, but right now I don't see why you would have veto power as to who your ex chooses to take into her house.

LegacyUser

kjl wrote: »

Not to give you a hard time OP, but the au pair is not meant to be cheap child minder. The idea behind them is that they come to learn English and the culture.

Perhaps you should be looking into professorial child care and you would have more say in who gets selected, but right now I don't see why you would have veto power as to who your ex chooses to take into her house.

hey i fully agree they arent a cheap child minder....i do shift work so im off half the week would love to have my daughter that time ..and organise sometime for the two othet days..i have terrible problems with her mother she just brings this women over who has no english and expects me to pay for it..who does she think she is..i was in the house paying all the bills and offering to cover child care which i have been doing for the last two years..ive now realised that ive been completely taken advantage off ..anyway ive moved out and will now only give her maintanence agreed is her fault now that she is in this mess ..

Daisy M

Its very sad that your marriage has broken up because of an interfering mother in law. If you want to give your marriage another go maybe you could reach a compromise that you will pay the aupair if your wife agrees to marriage counselling.

Part of me thinks you are paying for your wife to attend college and when she has completed this her mother will whisk her back to Poland and you will have minimum contact with your child. Have you looked into getting joint custody?

LegacyUser

my marraige is finished because wife never gave a toss...took my daughter back to poland for a month a week before my fortieth ...took her away for three months without permission ...puts pressure on me to let her parents bring her up in poland...never bought me a present or any sort of gift in 4 years ..stood by while her mother went to assault me in my own house..brings her mother over twice a year for 3 months a time..no i do not want to save this marraige....but this time last week i told her i will cover child care and her bills till college is finished in few months...but that wasnt good enough her mother goes and organises some lacky without a word of english to come over...big mistake now they will get nothing from me now

washiskin

Reading both the latter part of DaisyM's post and some of the trips you mentioned in your reply, I really feel you should be paying more attention to the possibility of your ex whisking your child off to Poland as soon as she's able to.:(

Maybe you should preempt this by getting your rights as a father sorted and getting the legalities vis. property and money in place just in case. I'm not trying to be a harbinger of doom here, but it sounds like your ex & her mother are a bit mercenary when it comes to dealing with you.

Hope I'm completely wrong here but in any case the best of luck to you.

Synyster Shadow

I believe if it was all put in writing in court your doin more than expected in looking after your daughter. It's not your place to see to your ex wife having an education.

From seeing my cousins marriage end and all that followed with his daughters I would suggest talkin to someone in a legal capacity and know where you stand rights wise. I do know because ye were married she has to have your permission to take your daughter out of this country.

I don't envy your situation I wish you the best in whatever you do from here on

JoePdw

It is hard to tell because I don't know you and i don't know where you are at. May be you also not telling everything. But from what I can tell is that you are irish guy married on a polish woman and you have a child together and a house. And you don't like her mother. What can i tell you? This is how all relationships are. After love, there is responsibility and then pain in the ass.
My opinion? all relationships are like that. Ask more specific questions if you want to know more specific answers. message me if you want.

Ickle Magoo

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LegacyUser

this is different joe believe me...the amount of crap i have put up with is unreal..i feel like im a prisioner in my own home..my daughter is my only worry now..i have never seen someone take over a house before like her mother..it turned into a major argument to stop her coming into my room and snooping about...she even tried to take a pillow out from under my head when j was asleep one morning..ive started locking my room.she gets irrate if u dont eat the unhealthy crap she cooks..orders people to take off shoes when they come into hse...i cant count the amount of stuff she throws out ..unread newspapers books etc..if i dress my daughter she will dress her again differently straight away...has polish tv blaring all day in the house ...gives me grieve that im not buying her daughter clothes even though im paying all bills mortgage and child care..feels theneed to comment on what u wear..keeps on heating 24 /7 opens windows when it gets to warm..believe me there is only one side to this story..

Taltos

JoePdw

we have deleted your most recent post.
Either read our charter and only post in line with it or don't post.

If we see anything even similar to the above again we will have no option but to withdraw your posting rights.

Taltos