Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Songwriter - Looking for constructive criticism/feedback on a song I wrote.

Options
  • 01-04-2013 6:27pm
    #1
    WARRENKEEGAN
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭


    If I'd Have Known

    It doesn't matter what you say
    this ain't a game im goin' play
    On the surface it all seems bright
    But girl I know you'll cry tonight

    I'm not sorry for my choice
    Cos in my head I heard a voice
    Telling me to come back here
    Though we tried it all those years

    If I'd have known it'd be this hard
    I might have not come back at all
    from my empty life but i was free
    Cos baby this ain't meant to be

    Now our daughter's in the frame
    We need to stop our childish games
    Find a way to raise her right
    And maybe even stop these fights

    If I'd have known it'd be this hard
    I might have not come back at all
    from my empty life but i was free
    Cos baby this ain't meant to be


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    HughieQ
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭HughieQ


    very personal....deep..... lyrically this is really good poetic/rhymning.......have you actually recorded this as a demo /song??..all the best in music..HughieQ


  • Options
    #3
    fredchest
    Registered Users Posts: 46 ✭fredchest


    WARRENKEEGAN wrote: »
    If I'd Have Known

    It doesn't matter what you say
    this ain't a game im goin' play
    On the surface it all seems bright
    But girl I know you'll cry tonight

    I'm not sorry for my choice
    Cos in my head I heard a voice
    Telling me to come back here
    Though we tried it all those years

    If I'd have known it'd be this hard
    I might have not come back at all
    from my empty life but i was free
    Cos baby this ain't meant to be

    Now our daughter's in the frame
    We need to stop our childish games
    Find a way to raise her right
    And maybe even stop these fights

    If I'd have known it'd be this hard
    I might have not come back at all
    from my empty life but i was free
    Cos baby this ain't meant to be

    is there not an abundance of obvious vowel rhymes...e.g. fre e/b e....right/tonight....fra me/ game....

    think of the audience: how many times historically, have they heard the rhymes:fight/right etc....

    I dunno. can't be grating.


Advertisement