Cannot hold a job down

LegacyUser

I know theres a recession and the amount of folks feeling extremely down over not working is rising all of the time.

I seem to have the opposite problem (and I absolutely detest myself for it).

The last 4 jobs ive had i've vacated due to personal problems, getting overly anxious, lacking in confidence, personality traits that make minimal tasks seem like a monumental struggle for me.

I interview extremely well, exude confidence and more often than not I get the job. However, feelings of worthlessness, severe anxiety and stress come over me like a dark cloud. Now some may say its laziness, but when at work I always go above and beyond the call of duty.

My entire week has a shadow over it, the only respite I have is from 6pm-8pm when I can well and trully relax, when its time for bed my mind is well and trully racing about the following day. Now the job is not the problem, its more these jobs (sector im working in is financial) seem to highlight a severe flaw in my personality that makes me function at less than 50%.

I spend my days nervous as hell, completely pathetic, shy and like a fish out of water.

When thrown into the mix of an office environment I simply sink, spectacularly and usually run away like a pathetic fool making an excuse as to why I have to leave the role, family issues etc.... And I return to the comfort of doing sweet FA. And a calmness sweeps over me. I'm not the type to revel in the comfort of welfare, usually I earn enough to keep me going to live off, and then this brings on more feelings of worry.

I often find myself in distraught moods often for no reason, its like I feel trapped. On the outside friends would see me as educated, good craic, happy in work etc... but im extremely withdrawn from life, the big comfort I get is returning to my family home to my parents who know about my issues.

I do not want to feel this way, I just wish I could go to the office and relax and function to 100% but time after time again I run. I'm always looking for that out. The longer I stay the longer I seem to work myself up into a distraught state.

I honestly wish I was normal, I really do. interacting with people in a normal way is a huge struggle for me with my shyness, anxiety and probably mild depression.

My family see me make countless aborted efforts to live like a normal person in holding down a job, I know the career is running counter intuitive to my personality but I think the problems run a bit deeper. My mind is in overdrive.

Their advice is to work for 1-2 more months and come to an informed decision in relation to getting professional help. They could be not more helpful on that front and im so lucky to have them. Wish I did not have this overwhelming desire to return home and hide from the world all the time though, its no way to live life

I guess i'm just looking for advice on what others think and has anyone else felt that feeling of wanting to pack it all in and hide from the world?

Feel so overwhelmingly usesless

homemadecider

Have you spoken to your GP about this? If not, that should be your first port of call, OP.

irishgirl19

Hey op. I had a similar experience and took a career change!

LegacyUser

Thank you for the reply

Its something I really want to do, my GP is in the midlands but im working a long distance from home and I really want to pack it all in, move home and see my GP in the morn

But I know leaving my job will make me feel so guilty and crap too

Nearly wish I was unemployed in order to reason it with myself to see my GP asap.

Packing in another job so soon really is career suicide

LegacyUser

irishgirl19 wrote: »

Hey op. I had a similar experience and took a career change!

thank you very much for the reply irishgirl

can you tell me even just a little about your experience? did you find yourself jumping from job to job over a very short space of time?

were the issues deeper than the job for you?

thanks again, sorry if the questions are too personal for you to share the answers

irishgirl19

Hey sorry for the short reply as I am on my phone.
I done a hairdressing course that cost my parents a lot of money and that I had to pay back.
After the course I needed more training and would say the course only brought me up to a high apprentice standard and not qualified like I was meant to be but the school weren't overly bothered and gave me a cert so what could I do.
The pressure was on me from all round because my mam wouldn't believe I wasn't good and was at me not to give it up. I had also left school early to do that.
I went through a few jobs all for very short stints and was more or less let go even though I would of loved to save myself the embaressment and just quittd. I felt like an eejit and like a big failure and used to dread going into work and would be crying some of the time out of anxiousness when I wasnt in work and I had zilch confidence when I was working.
After being out of work for a while i was lucky enough to get a job in a call centre.nothing fancy but i liked it and it actually felt better. I was worried about that job too and didn't want to tell people i had even got work, in case i got sacked ,but that went very quick as i was comfortable with the job.I have worked myself up now and am much happier.

LegacyUser

Im in the same boat OP and have been for the last 5 years or so,and every year only got worse,eventually id have panic attack every day at work at least twice a day,where it would take me hours to calm down,this is pretty embarrassing and soul destroying experience,when even before going to bed you already dread the coming day,and once awoke in the morning you feel like passing out as the heart would be racing so fast,and all anxiety kicking in is beyond any nightmare.Now dont want to sound ignorant or anything but gp's in this country suck,as they still live in the stone age where they think its stress.They might refer you to counseling or other crap like CBT course.The only successful way to deal with it is to find psychiatrist that will work with you and prescribe medicine to control your anxiety and attacks,there are variety of meds that help with such symptoms only trouble is any doc will refuse to give it to you as most of them cause addiction in the long run,but can be managed with supervision.As to this day most people think its stress and shyness,and put a blind eye on you,but in reality its overacting nervous system that with slightest trigger puts your body in fight or flight mode,and no breathing technique will make it go away in couple minutes time.
Also you sound like a smart person so id psych is not your option,look for work in a field where you'd feel comfortable and be happy,as at the end of the day its health that matters not how much you make,and life is to short to live in fear.