50th Birthday present for a farmer.

John_Rambo

I need help, it's for a distant relation whom I'm quiet fond of.

Around the €30 mark, he'd be embarrassed if I spent more, he'd be appreciative, but he's shake his head and make me feel like a moron.

Gloves are out, his hands are impervious to freezing cold conditions, hammers, barbed wire, molten hot magma, electricity, nuclear fallout, hooves, crushing machinery, asbestos, falling masonry, lightning, animals teeth, stanley knives, shattered glass etc.... Same with his head.

Good outdoor gear is "wasted" as it gets destroyed (his words).

He's not a boozer, so a good bottle is out, he swims but has everything he needs in that dept.

He's a very calm, friendly, content, satisfied fella. He's not flash, he has a van that does the jobs that others need a Pajero to do...

Basically, the hardest fooker to buy for.

The only thing I can come up with is a good quality pocket torch (ledlaser P3). I have one, very reliable, tough, powerful, power saving small pocket torch.

Is this a good option? He has cattle for beef... calving at the moment. I can't think of anything else. I would be willing to spend more if it's worth it and he didn't know.

Opinions very much appreciated.

Juniorhurler

Pocket torch would be ideal. I got one first the start of the winter and wouldn't be without it now.

This or a really good pen knife.

AntrimGlens

Buy him a head torch instead - keeps both hands free. Both myself and the brother ended up buying our father one each for xmas past without knowing what each other was getting. quite a difference in the two, so make sure and buy a robust one if thats the choice.

dharn

AntrimGlens wrote: »

Buy him a head torch instead - keeps both hands free. Both myself and the brother ended up buying our father one each for xmas past without knowing what each other was getting. quite a difference in the two, so make sure and buy a robust one if thats the choice.

A bale of silage ?

John_Rambo

Brilliant stuff lads/lassies, thanks... there are others leeching in here getting ideas for the same man, your suggestions are not wasted

Farmer Pudsey

Head torch is your man a good one that uses AA batteries that is easy to wear and easy to switch on or off. Some of the LED one are brillant.

Conmaicne Mara

If he uses a knife:

http://lansky.com/

JohnFalstaff

Few pairs of good wool socks are always appreciated - not the most imaginative though!

13spanner

As mentioned above a decent pen knife. The Swiss Army knives Victorinox do are pretty cool, loads of different models available too so you're bound to hit the €30 mark.

blue5000

30 Euro? give him a threesome

razor8

AntrimGlens wrote: »

Buy him a head torch instead - keeps both hands free. Both myself and the brother ended up buying our father one each for xmas past without knowing what each other was getting. quite a difference in the two, so make sure and buy a robust one if thats the choice.

could do with one myself, last one i broke the strap, can you recommend a good'un?

Grecco

Throwing in the small fish to catch the salmon :D:D

Figerty

Give him a voucher to get the van valleted. Would be worth it just to see the faces on the valet company when they see a farmers van come around the corner

yidweiser

Well John Rambo,

You should go into writing. I pissed myself laughing at the description of your farmer relative. Other contributors have also been helpful and entertaining!

I'd like to suggest an adjustable work belt and a dual knife (stanley\pen) with pouch to fit the belt. I am a tradie and find both invaluable.
Also, you may consider a subscription to the Farmers Journal or Countrymans Weekly if he is into hunting etc.
I can highly recommend the Led Lenser head torches.
Has he got a decent travel mug?

Regards,
John

Dunedin

dharn wrote: »

A bale of silage ?

i know if it was my birthday just now a few bales of silage would be the best present ever.

JohnBoy

the head torch is a great job, but can take a bit of persuading to use them as you do look a bit daft wearing it.


Also, always turn it off before you get into a vehicle. nowt like flashing yourself in the mirror with your fancy shmancy led torch.

John_Rambo

After deep thought and consideration I have decided to go with the head torch. Thanks everyone for the advice, now get back to work, I'm hungry.

ordinary farmer

John_Rambo wrote: »

After deep thought and consideration I have decided to go with the head torch. Thanks everyone for the advice, now get back to work, I'm hungry.

if u have money spare out of your 30 euro buy a couple of packs of the batteries that fit the tourch.(i never seem to have the bast~rds when its running out :P

delaval

yidweiser wrote: »

Well John Rambo,

You should go into writing. I pissed myself laughing at the description of your farmer relative. Other contributors have also been helpful and entertaining!

I'd like to suggest an adjustable work belt and a dual knife (stanley\pen) with pouch to fit the belt. I am a tradie and find both invaluable.
Also, you may consider a subscription to the Farmers Journal or Countrymans Weekly if he is into hunting etc.
I can highly recommend the Led Lenser head torches.
Has he got a decent travel mug?

Regards,
John

Rambo,
I suggest you get you description of him printed, framed as your gift. Jesus I nearly ended myself laughing...well done.

Failing that I suggest a voucher for a hip replacement:p:p:p

tony007

A rechargable lamp is the way to go. We have ours for about 30 years now.

Muckit

razor8 wrote: »

could do with one myself, last one i broke the strap, can you recommend a good'un?

At first I thought you were replying to blue5000's idea!!!!

Bizzum

tony007 wrote: »

A rechargable lamp is the way to go. We have ours for about 30 years now.

I've a couple of rechargeable torches. An old Maglite, still goin strong. It sits in it's charging cradle in the jeep, always at hand.
I've a new Ledlenser. Rechargeable too. A tiny torch, but powerful.
They're not cheap though. Both were over €100. Good job though.

tony007

Bizzum wrote: »

I've a couple of rechargeable torches. An old Maglite, still goin strong. It sits in it's charging cradle in the jeep, always at hand.
I've a new Ledlenser. Rechargeable too. A tiny torch, but powerful.
They're not cheap though. Both were over €100. Good job though.

Worth it in the long run.

John_Rambo

Bizzum wrote: »

Both were over €100. Good job though.

Yeah, buy cheap, buy twice etc... you're right, I might up the price, get someone else involved.

yidweiser wrote: »

I pissed myself laughing at the description of your farmer relative

It's true though, farmers hands defy physics and can actually be used as sandpaper during the winter.

While we're on the subject, what's with the "body shape doesn't match what it's doing" thing?

Example; Farmer relative, huge belly, round shoulders, no muscle definition, diet of potatoes, tea and spuds... moves things around the yard with his orangutang like arms that should be moved with a fork lift! I have helped the fooker out, I am fit and relatively strong, but he takes the piss, I'm beginning to think he's playing tricks with powerful magnets under the ground and the calves he wrestles with give him an easy time.

NIMAN

Girlfriend?

John_Rambo

NIMAN wrote: »

Girlfriend?

No, but thanks for offering.

Bizzum

John_Rambo wrote: »

Farmer relative, huge belly, round shoulders, no muscle definition, diet of potatoes, tea and spuds... moves things around the yard with his orangutang like arms that should be moved with a fork lift! I have helped the fooker out, I am fit and relatively strong, but he takes the piss, I'm beginning to think he's playing tricks with powerful magnets under the ground and the calves he wrestles with give him an easy time.

Some of the GAA training is copping on to this with their 'functional training'

Neadine

I haven't contributed but have been amused by this thread!
And have started a shopping list for birthday/Christmas pressies!

John_Rambo

Neadine wrote: »

And have started a shopping list for birthday/Christmas pressies!

Large underground magnets and calves trained to headbutt people in the nuts and stamp on their feet?

Neadine

John_Rambo wrote: »

Large underground magnets and calves trained to headbutt people in the nuts and stamp on their feet?

I'm all about the presentation but I'm not really sure how I would gift wrap a calf!

ootbitb

Bizzum wrote: »

I've a couple of rechargeable torches. An old Maglite, still goin strong. It sits in it's charging cradle in the jeep, always at hand.
I've a new Ledlenser. Rechargeable too. A tiny torch, but powerful.
They're not cheap though. Both were over €100. Good job though.

e29.99 here...
http://www.flashlights.ie/headlamps.html?sef=

John_Rambo

Neadine wrote: »

I'm all about the presentation but I'm not really sure how I would gift wrap a calf!

Use one of those baling machines with some nice decorative plastic, two straws in the animals nostrils poking out for breath ability... Bobs your uncle.

Sam Kade

Give him a thermal drawers, who knows it might even change the weather the first day he wears it

Neadine

John_Rambo wrote: »

Use one of those baling machines with some nice decorative plastic, two straws in the animals nostrils poking out for breath ability... Bobs your uncle.

My biggest concern was where o put the bow, never even considered the use of decorative straws!

John_Rambo

Neadine wrote: »

My biggest concern was where o put the bow, never even considered the use of decorative straws!

The straws are so the animal can breath, jaysus Neadine, they're protesting against live exports, don't let them ruin christmas too!!!

Sam Kade wrote: »

Give him a thermal drawers, who knows it might even change the weather the first day he wears it

A man NEVER buys another man underwear, particularly a farmer. Can Sam Kade be banned please?

Neadine

John_Rambo wrote: »

The straws are so the animal can breath, jaysus Neadine, they're protesting against live exports, don't let them ruin christmas too!!!

Yes, I understand their function and need, I've just never had a use for straws previously when gift wrapping.
Do you think there's a market for a farming specific gift wrapping service, think I could do with a career change. Have bows, and wellies, can travel!

Suckler

If he is like SOME members of my family, a good lamp is always appreciated. Mostly because the last one gets left somewhere and forgotten about.

Neadine

John_Rambo wrote: »

A man NEVER buys another man underwear, particularly a farmer. Can Sam Kade be banned please?

Not even if there are wrapped in a very masculine way?!

Bizzum

ootbitb wrote: »

e29.99 here...
http://www.flashlights.ie/headlamps.html?sef=

The Led Lenser M7R is the one I have. €135 on that site.

iverjohnston

I bought myself a leaf blower last autumn. Wish i'd got one when my Dad was alive, he would have loved it! Nothing like walking round the house and lane and blowing all the leaves and straw and grass and crap into the ditch! Would have been so much easier than him sweeping.

John_Rambo

Update.

The fooker is nearly heading for a pint with the "lamp" (as he calls it) strapped to his big bogger head, his wife is blinded when he hops in to bed, the days are getting brighter now and he's still hanging on to it "just in case".

Thanks for all the suggestions, may all you hands be hard and your cows teats be soft and free from mastodon. May your crops yield at all traffic junctions and your sward be razor sharp.

(and you think us city slickers don't know about farming)

delaval

John_Rambo wrote: »

Update.

The fooker is nearly heading for a pint with the "lamp" (as he calls it) strapped to his big bogger head, his wife is blinded when he hops in to bed, the days are getting brighter now and he's still hanging on to it "just in case".

Thanks for all the suggestions, may all you hands be hard and your cows teats be soft and free from mastodon. May your crops yield at all traffic junctions and your sward be razor sharp.

(and you think us city slickers don't know about farming)

................and our weeds may die:):)

John_Rambo

delaval wrote: »

................and our weeds may die:):)

May your rags be worth.

Farmer

delaval wrote: »

................and our weeds may die:):)

j don't say that...........we may need to cut them yet for fodder