Need Advice re:Court Proceedings

Royal82

Hi,

First time poster! Basically, I want to to be granted guardianship of my son (3), as situations have recently deteriorated between myself and his mother, through no fault of my own, and this has started to affect the time that I spend with my son, i.e. she has started telling me he is sick, so I cannot see him, but she brings him out during the day to see friends etc. It is only in the last few months I actually realized that I have no rights regarding my son at all. And I introduced the idea of guardianship. I have sent my ex the forms so that she can view them and put her mind at rest, but she has kept putting it on the long finger, until recently when she began to get nasty about the situation, and wants now to bring solicitors into the equation.

I have ALWAYS said, that i would do everything regarding my son, in her way to avoid conflict, and avoid having to go to court, however I feel now that I am left with no choice. I have consulted my solicitor and he is going to apply to the courts for me, but I am very nervous that my ex will try to drag things up from our past, and try to make me look bad when we eventually do go to court. Has anyone been in this position?? Am i totally over thinking this?

I have said from the day that my son was born, all I want is what is best for him, and that has never changed. I absolutely hate my ex for letting things get to this stage, as all we needed to do was talk about it like grown ups. I had hoped we could both be mature about it, but obviously not.

Anyway if anyone can give me some insight as to what exactly will be said, or things I should maybe be aware of before we go to court, I would really really appreciate it.

Sorry if this is a bit long winded,

Kind Regards,

Royal82

Iano_128

I had a friend who went through all this with his ex and she dragged anything she possibly could about his past, friends and environment that could go against him seeing his son. My advice to you is to distance yourself from anything that you think the courts could look bad on and keep it that way.

Courts usually favour the mother in these types of situations but the way I see it is if she's going to start digging up the past to make you look bad then the same should be done to her. No point in you fighting clean if she fights dirty, she'll always win.

Royal82

Iano_128 wrote: »

I had a friend who went through all this with his ex and she dragged anything she possibly could about his past, friends and environment that could go against him seeing his son. My advice to you is to distance yourself from anything that you think the courts could look bad on and keep it that way.

Courts usually favour the mother in these types of situations but the way I see it is if she's going to start digging up the past to make you look bad then the same should be done to her. No point in you fighting clean if she fights dirty, she'll always win.

Thanks mate, pretty much what I was thinking, she has a lot of **** from my past, the only good thing is, its all in the past, I don't even drink or smoke anymore, so there is nothing that could be said about me over the past 2-3 years. I also have two other kids and I have a great relationship with their mother and I try to be a good dad. I'm no saint, but I try!! So I am hoping that this might count for something.

Iano_128

Sure the judge that will be making the decision has a past and it's their job to not take that in to account. Fair enough if you had only changed in the last month or so then i'd say it's not enough to go on but if it's the past 2-3 years it can't (shouldn't) be held against you!

Hopefully the judge will realise that fathers like you are rare and it should mean something that you're willing to stand up to the plate and fight for your son.

It could also be an idea to chat to the mother of your other kids because if she can give a statement to say that you're a good father it could go a long way in showing the judge that you're a good father and that it's her with the problem and not you!


Hope it works out for you anyway, you seem like you just want what's best for your son and god knows that's dead rare these days! too many dad's are just happy to stay out of their lives so they can enjoy a social life.

Royal82

Iano_128 wrote: »

Sure the judge that will be making the decision has a past and it's their job to not take that in to account. Fair enough if you had only changed in the last month or so then i'd say it's not enough to go on but if it's the past 2-3 years it can't (shouldn't) be held against you!

Hopefully the judge will realise that fathers like you are rare and it should mean something that you're willing to stand up to the plate and fight for your son.

It could also be an idea to chat to the mother of your other kids because if she can give a statement to say that you're a good father it could go a long way in showing the judge that you're a good father and that it's her with the problem and not you!


Hope it works out for you anyway, you seem like you just want what's best for your son and god knows that's dead rare these days! too many dad's are just happy to stay out of their lives so they can enjoy a social life.

Social life??!! Whats that??! Ah no, i appreciate your comments, have already talked to her and she will provide a statement and even come to court if needs be, just wary of the dirty tricks campaign that i know is on the way. She told me she would even say I hit her, which didn't happen, but she is saying that she will get some of her new friends to say that they saw her (before they started hanging around with her!) walking down the street with 2 black eyes!! Now i know, that I could have a hundred people to counteract that claim, but these are the lengths she is willing to go to!!

Thanks a million for your input anyway Iano.

Just for the record for anyone is reading this, I am in NO way trying to make out that I am father of the year or a perfect role model, I am not. Nowhere near it.

January

Guardianship, access and custody are three very different things and have no bearing on the other. If you want to see your son on a regular basis get your solicitor to apply for access as well as guardianship.

Most judges recommend mediation as a first step, so try and get your ex to go there first before going to court.

Royal82

Thanks a million January, Have already tried to get her to attend mediation, with no success. I have also asked her to read the guardianship forms etc and consult citizens advice if she had worries that I was trying to pull the wool over her eyes in some way, but still no joy. I never wanted it to come to going to court, would have rathered we sort it out like grown ups, but now that it appears we are definitely going to court, I am applying for a maintenance order, access and guardianship.

wmpdd3

Good, its best to get all three sorted out at the same time. Remember arrangements for Christmas, religious things etc.

Try make a plan for the next decade (I know, but the judge seems to prefer this sort of approach. )

Royal82

wmpdd3 wrote: »

Good, its best to get all three sorted out at the same time. Remember arrangements for Christmas, religious things etc.

Try make a plan for the next decade (I know, but the judge seems to prefer this sort of approach. )

Thanks for the heads up, thats actually great advice, I will have a good think about that and prepare a plan for myself. Thanks a million.

December2012

Do a parenting course. They are good to do and will show that you are interested in parenting.

Royal82

December2012 wrote: »

Do a parenting course. They are good to do and will show that you are interested in parenting.

Cool thanks December, I will look into that