When do children stop being destructive!

December2012

My young kids seem to be drawing and colouring on toys, dolls and house furniture / walls.

They are 5 and 2.

When they're found the items are removed from the kids, I get them to "clean" off the toy or the wall or whatever.

When does it "click" for the kids not to draw on things that they can't?

I'm not expecting it yet, particularly as they are young, but I'd love to know if its soon!

pwurple

Maybe I am the meanest mammy going, but I gave out like crazy the minute she started doing that, at about 18 months. We are renting, so I can't afford to loose a deposit on wrecked walls or furniture. So I did a LOT of giving out. "That makes mammy sad", "Don't ever do this again", "say you are sorry"... yadda yadda yadda. Big time no-no for us on the property damage. She doesn't do it any more, and hasn't for a while. She is just two. So they should be well able to understand it.

Moonbeam

It depends on the child my 4 year old drew on her sister once and my 2 year old misunderstood colouring book and colouring on a book more then once .
Personally I would remove the colours from the 5 year old who is old enough to know better , the 2 year old is probably just copying .

Hannibal Smith

I have control of the crayons...they get them when we're at the table colouring.

No way would I let a 5 year old have colours if they were colouring anywhere but on a colouring book.

It reminds me of my niece who last year ( when she was 8) was playing with my son in his room...when they left I went up to tidy up...she had written on the light switch...the door...the little name sign on his door..the little 'first shoe' photo you get from Clarke's....I did my nut....so when she calls we hide all crayons, pens and markers lol

Morag

pwurple wrote: »

Maybe I am the meanest mammy going, but I gave out like crazy the minute she started doing that, at about 18 months. We are renting, so I can't afford to loose a deposit on wrecked walls or furniture. So I did a LOT of giving out. "That makes mammy sad", "Don't ever do this again", "say you are sorry"... yadda yadda yadda. Big time no-no for us on the property damage. She doesn't do it any more, and hasn't for a while. She is just two. So they should be well able to understand it.

I did something similar, paper and coloring books only.

highly1111

same as Hannibal smith - they're kept in a press and are only taken out when we're all at the table together. Mind you, I've always done that so they don't know any different. But they are within reach so they could get them if they want but I suppose its never crossed their minds..... yet ;-) !

December2012

They found a few rogue ones ysee.

Actually the older one is normally fine, recently the baby has started to do it, I wonder has that reignited the older ones interest?

Das Kitty

Oh the boundry pushing.

My cheeky scut is only allowed to write, draw or colour on paper / colouring book. But sometimes he lets the marker/crayon "slip" off the edge of the paper onto the table to see what the reaction will be. The reaction is always to have the colours taken away and a short trip to the step.

I haven't told him how obvious he is about it, looking up and slowly moving the colour closer to the edge of the sheet with a bold grin.

Hannibal Smith

December2012 wrote: »

They found a few rogue ones ysee.

Actually the older one is normally fine, recently the baby has started to do it, I wonder has that reignited the older ones interest?

I've seen my eldest resort to what the youngest is doing just to get in on the action. if the youngest is climbing and I tell him get down, all of a sudden the eldest pops up and does the some thing.

Since the youngest was born we've always told him off for stuff...not that he's understood it, but to show fairness to the eldest...so its not as if the youngest is allowed away with anything extra, or that one gets more attention than the other, but I think they do go through these phases and I always give the eldest extra snuggles when I see him doing things like that cause I think he's feeling left out.

What the OP calls "destructive" I am tempted to call the foundations of curiosity and even art.

You see them drawing on a doll and you have these preconception of the doll being the "construct" and the child is "destroying" it. But to the child it has no idea that that doll is a construct... to the child it is just a "canvas". To look at the childs actions on that canvas as being "destructive" is just naive. Potetionally (but not always) destructively so.

So my advice to the OP to deal with this issue is to sit down and ask what exactly you think you mean by "destructive" and exactly how you would like any child to "stop" doing it. What you want to stop is what I revel and enjoy every day as a parent. It is the joy of waking up every day and seeing fixed constructs in my life being reduced to caricature by seeing it through they eyes of my child.

We spend so much of our life teaching our children that we are all too keen to loose sight of what we can learn from them. And if learning that means I might loose a deposit... then thats the best money Ive ever spent. Let them keep it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaVBDPAy-SI

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

What the OP calls "destructive" I am tempted to call the foundations of curiosity and even art.

You see them drawing on a doll and you have these preconception of the doll being the "construct" and the child is "destroying" it. But to the child it has no idea that that doll is a construct... to the child it is just a "canvas". To look at the childs actions on that canvas as being "destructive" is just naive. Potetionally (but not always) destructively so.

So my advice to the OP to deal with this issue is to sit down and ask what exactly you think you mean by "destructive" and exactly how you would like any child to "stop" doing it. What you want to stop is what I revel and enjoy every day as a parent. It is the joy of waking up every day and seeing fixed constructs in my life being reduced to caricature by seeing it through they eyes of my child.

We spend so much of our life teaching our children that we are all too keen to loose sight of what we can learn from them. And if learning that means I might loose a deposit... then thats the best money Ive ever spent. Let them keep it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaVBDPAy-SI

What a wonderful post. Excellent viewpoint and lucky children!

I try and be the same to our little boy.....their potential is extraordinary....to limit them to keep the house presentable to visitors is so pointless.

December2012

You could be right and I would love to encourage her creativity.

I also want to encourage her imagination and the way she thinks - to not see things as the only thing they are.

But I'm not sure how to balance this - I really welcome any thoughts you have.

I've been thinking about this as it keep cropping up.... Do I care? Why should I care? It's only a doll, etc.

My flash points I think are
* respect for things because I grew up poor and anything I had, if anything at all, was hand me downs, etc.
* when she does it to my or her sisters property - I want that boundary there.

Any advice?

December2012

December2012 wrote: »

Any advice?

Well I included a link for a reason. Tyson in that link expressed it very well. When his kids were growing up he laid out an area that was "theirs" and let them "destroy" it as they wanted. He just accepted that part of his job as a parent was to clean up after their "experiments". He just went with it.

He did his best to ease his pain. Washable markers rather than permanent for example. Picking a floor that is moppable rather than carpet you spend months scrubbing and can never clean out.

In short: Construct an area that is safe for your child to destroy as they will and just let them learn learn learn as they do it. Find an area where they can in a contained way Wreak their own kind of havoc and just let them have at it.

But there are ways we can direct these things too. For example my daughter is 2 at the moment and I often make banana bread with her. And I let her do as much as she can cope with each time. IT is the perfect blend of destruction and construction. It starts with mashing the crap out of bananas as destructively as you can.... hammering and beating the stuff into a paste.... but from there you add ingredients until you construct a dough... and then in the oven a bread..... my girl loves it every time.

I think the trick is not to resit these impulses in your children but to find ways to channel them... in ways that educate them or entertain them. Bringing a child up is not a battle... but a mutual learning experience and the challenge is to find ways to channel their behavior rather than curtail or halt it. Think of it like the difference between trying to stop a wave on the ocean (which you can never do) or surf along with it, molding it to your experience and yours to it.

Hannibal Smith

[Deleted User] wrote: »

What the OP calls "destructive" I am tempted to call the foundations of curiosity and even art.

You see them drawing on a doll and you have these preconception of the doll being the "construct" and the child is "destroying" it. But to the child it has no idea that that doll is a construct... to the child it is just a "canvas". To look at the childs actions on that canvas as being "destructive" is just naive. Potetionally (but not always) destructively so.

So my advice to the OP to deal with this issue is to sit down and ask what exactly you think you mean by "destructive" and exactly how you would like any child to "stop" doing it. What you want to stop is what I revel and enjoy every day as a parent. It is the joy of waking up every day and seeing fixed constructs in my life being reduced to caricature by seeing it through they eyes of my child.

We spend so much of our life teaching our children that we are all too keen to loose sight of what we can learn from them. And if learning that means I might loose a deposit... then thats the best money Ive ever spent. Let them keep it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaVBDPAy-SI

They can be as creative as they want on a piece of paper, a colouring book etc...but walls? no. its about respecting your surroundings...and no losing a 1000 security deposit isn't just something to take on the chin. They do it outside the home its called graffiti. You don't have kids and sign everything over to them as a platform to discover themselves. I spent good money on my stuff and won't have it scribbled on.

By all means allow them grow and develop in their own skins, but not anyway they like.

pwurple

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

They can be as creative as they want on a piece of paper, a colouring book etc...but walls? no. its about respecting your surroundings...and no losing a 1000 security deposit isn't just something to take on the chin. They do it outside the home its called graffiti. You don't have kids and sign everything over to them as a platform to discover themselves. I spent good money on my stuff and won't have it scribbled on.

By all means allow them grow and develop in their own skins, but not anyway they like.

Respect for other people and their property is something to be taught. We are tasked with helping these little people learn to function in society. Letting them believe that everything on this earth is theirs to damage without a second thought is irresponsible in my opinion.

I do not see how anything I wrote in any precluded teaching them boundaries too. Half the challenge is finding a balance between things as a parent. That said - anyone who buys markers and other implements that can not be washed off and leaves a child that age unattended in an area where you would rather not have those things applied to the surrounding area - is likely just asking for trouble