7 phone calls a day then a text...is he crazy or me ?!!

Dotty Shelia Bird

Hi there,

Am in need of a sanity check and hoping you good people will shed some light on this as I feel I'm going just a little stir crazy !!

So going out with this guy six months now, we had ups and downs as in he has serious baggage from his previous relationship. In fairness we all do but basically in his head I was the same as his ex so he kept on breaking up then getting back together the next day....

I'm a year out of a long term relationship of six years, my decision to leave was the best one I made ! No regrets, no baggage. In light of that I'm fairly newish on the dating scene...and thus where my dilemma starts...plus he is three years younger at 28 yrs old.

Things been going good past while, then Sat I get a generic text off him, Sunday 7 calls, Monday 8 calls and today a generic picture text & nothing else...I know we can be busy with life & work but something is odd here. He never makes any plans to meet up from one week to the next so I never really know what's going on. I kinda don't feel this behavior is acceptable, but maybe thats what boys do these days...a stalker one minute, a ghost the next...help please !

Would really appreciate any thoughts or comments, or any advise

Thank u xx

Esoteric_

Dotty Shelia Bird wrote: »

Hi there,

Am in need of a sanity check and hoping you good people will shed some light on this as I feel I'm going just a little stir crazy !!

So going out with this guy six months now, we had ups and downs as in he has serious baggage from his previous relationship. In fairness we all do but basically in his head I was the same as his ex so he kept on breaking up then getting back together the next day....

I'm a year out of a long term relationship of six years, my decision to leave was the best one I made ! No regrets, no baggage. In light of that I'm fairly newish on the dating scene...and thus where my dilemma starts...plus he is three years younger at 28 yrs old.

Things been going good past while, then Sat I get a generic text off him, Sunday 7 calls, Monday 8 calls and today a generic picture text & nothing else...I know we can be busy with life & work but something is odd here. He never makes any plans to meet up from one week to the next so I never really know what's going on. I kinda don't feel this behavior is acceptable, but maybe thats what boys do these days...a stalker one minute, a ghost the next...help please !

Would really appreciate any thoughts or comments, or any advise

Thank u xx

In his head, you are his ex. That speaks of some serious issues with women in general, not just you.

I get that he has baggage, everyone has, as you said. But when is baggage allowed to be used as an excuse for bad behaviour? It shouldn't ever be allowed to be used as an excuse! It might make it more understandable, but in no way excusable.

He won't plan to see you, he goes hot and cold on contact, and he frequently dumps you, then takes you back.

Why exactly do you take him back each time he dumps you? C'mon, I'm sure you have more self respect than that!

A break up is that, a break up. It's not 'Oh, I'm going to act like a child and tell you it's over because I'm sulking, then come pick you back up tomorrow.' That's not how grown up relationships work! Hell, that's not even a relationship!

If a friend told you that her boyfriend kept dumping her, then taking her back, not making any plans to see her, and blowing hot and cold on contact, what would you recommend? I'm sure you'd tell her to leave him, because baggage is no excuse!

If (and I doubt it tbh) the baggage is causing all of these issues, then he needs some work with a doctor before he can be in a stable, adult relationship. If his baggage is NOT causing this (which I suspect), then he's just an immature, commitment-phobic little brat.

Whatever the reasons, excuses or explanations he gives you, you deserve more, a lot more.

judgefudge

I don't really understand... 15 calls over the weekend? About what? Did it not come up that you might make plans? Do you ever do the plan making?

Sorry but I'm just confused by the post. Are the problems with him treating you like his ex and disappearing over or ongoing?

Dotty Shelia Bird

Esoteric_ wrote: »

In his head, you are his ex. That speaks of some serious issues with women in general, not just you.

I get that he has baggage, everyone has, as you said. But when is baggage allowed to be used as an excuse for bad behaviour? It shouldn't ever be allowed to be used as an excuse! It might make it more understandable, but in no way excusable.

He won't plan to see you, he goes hot and cold on contact, and he frequently dumps you, then takes you back.

Why exactly do you take him back each time he dumps you? C'mon, I'm sure you have more self respect than that!

A break up is that, a break up. It's not 'Oh, I'm going to act like a child and tell you it's over because I'm sulking, then come pick you back up tomorrow.' That's not how grown up relationships work! Hell, that's not even a relationship!

If a friend told you that her boyfriend kept dumping her, then taking her back, not making any plans to see her, and blowing hot and cold on contact, what would you recommend? I'm sure you'd tell her to leave him, because baggage is no excuse!

If (and I doubt it tbh) the baggage is causing all of these issues, then he needs some work with a doctor before he can be in a stable, adult relationship. If his baggage is NOT causing this (which I suspect), then he's just an immature, commitment-phobic little brat.

Whatever the reasons, excuses or explanations he gives you, you deserve more, a lot more.

Thank you Esoteric, I appreciate the post.

Why I kept taking him back was because he was trying to work tru this baggage issues. And we had a lot of laughter together when this wasn't the driving topic.

I eventually dumped him two months back and since then he being like a different guy until this whole crazy hot & cold contact started. I gave him a chance I know I prob should have walked away completely then.

We do have a laugh and that's the bit I'm struggling with, I guess I need to grow some balls

Dotty Shelia Bird

judgefudge wrote: »

I don't really understand... 15 calls over the weekend? About what? Did it not come up that you might make plans? Do you ever do the plan making?

Sorry but I'm just confused by the post. Are the problems with him treating you like his ex and disappearing over or ongoing?

Hi JudgeFudge,

Thank u for the reply

The calls are usually general about the day itself, sleeping, eating, work banter, gym etc I know its a lot of chat, I do be wrecked after it !!

I make plans with him say about next Sat we go for dinner, then Sat he rem he said he has to be somewhere else and come over first thing on Sunday...he cancelled a far bit on me, forgetfulness or just rude or both...I'll ask when he is free and he just says he let me know...

The baggage with his ex is disappearing over as in he not directly talking about it but I can't help but think the way he going on hot and cold is coming from that.

Wait till I tell you the best part, all this is going on and he asked me to move in with him...I think its crazy talk ....

Really appreciate your help and insight on this

CaraMay

He is using you for emotional support and attention when he wants it. I suspect he is doing the same to some other girl the other days.

He sounds a bit cuckoo. I wouldn't answer the phone to him 7 times per day even if we were in a relationship.

Op take a step back her and take control. What do you want from him?

maria34

I think that baggage story is his excuse only.
He is not reliable and honest. Thats what i think.
My ex used to be hot and cold. Dumped me, toke me back. He turned to be emotionally abusive too later.

Get rid off him. Dont waste your time.

gugleguy

OP. DUMP is the operative word here. Chuck him. He sounds an unstable character.

Merkin

I'd dump him and make sure he stays dumped this time.

Your entire post is littered with excuses about the man. He's clearly unstable and has some issues that really need to be dealt with before he can undertake to be in a successful, mature and loving relationship.

Anyone who blows hot and cold like that fundamentally doesn't care about you. He also sounds unhinged to say the least.

Move on girl.