Kissed my best freinds dad?

LegacyUser

Going Unreg for this,.

After putting myself in a really awkward and uncomfortable situation.

Basically my bestfreind(have knowing each other all our lives). I'll call her Mary.
She moved in with her dad a couple of years ago when her mother passed away.
Her dad was in a previous relationship and split from the girlfriend over a year ago.
I always got on well with her dad, he's not your usual "daddy type", he looks young, acts young and has an extremely close relationship with his daughter.
I'm 23 he's 50.

I do always joke with Mary saying how hot her dad is (all our Friends do it ) it's our way of having laugh and a joke with her we don't mean any harm by it. It doesn't bother my Friend she just laughs it off.

Anyways, about a month ago I went to Marys cousins wedding with her and her dad.
She was pissed and start telling her dad how we all (Friends and I) do be calling him hot, he just laughed about it.
After a few drinks (I was fairly intoxicated) Me and her dad ended up kissing - we just kissed it was nothing more. I remember just pulling away saying if mary seen us she would kill me and we just laughed it off.

I felt fairly guilty about it the next day and just put it down to us both been drunk and it was a kiss move on and forget about it, so I did.

Last weekend I went to another family event with Mary and her Dad. This time another Friend came also. Again I got drunk and was up dancing and having a laugh with her dad. He started to get very touchy feel in front of everyone so I walked away and he followed me (I'm sure no one seen us) asking how come I never got in touch with him after that night(the night of the cousins wedding) I just laughed about it and kept telling him your my best freinds dad it was only a kiss.

The freind that came to the party with me and mary jokingly said in the toilet "look at you with Marys dad all over you, something going on there? I'm jealous " she was laughing while saying this but obviously seen something for her to say this to me.

The night was coming to an end and I ended up kissing her dad again, this time it was alot more intimate and i was nearly going to leave with him to sleep with him ( it was his idea to leave and get a hotel room) - thankfully I didn't.
I left with mary and on the way home in the taxi she was like my dad is been all weird with you is he creeping you out? I just laughed and said no we where just having a laugh, and she was like let me know if he's been odd with you i'll kill him (jokingly)

She made a comment the next day " did my dad leave with anyone last night", "i just said I didn't no, I didn't see him leaving" and she says jokingly " he's always pulling lately he's a better sex life than me"
So I don't think she suspects anything, she was fairly drunk to and prob can't remember half the night.

I don't feel anything for her dad other then attraction, I'd never ever want anything more.
The day after, I again felt bad / and wrong for what I have done, and realized I need to stop drinking so much and end up kissing her dad. Not using drink as an excuse but it did play a part.
Promised myself I won't let it happen again.


Yesterday morning I get a text from him saying "How are you, good night the other night "
I nearly died when I get the text and have been feeling sick ever since, I haven't replied and don't intend on replying.
He is after making an awkward situation ever more awkward and if Mary where to find out what has been happening I'm pretty sure it would ruin our relationship and ruin the close relationship she has with her dad.

To make matters worse, me and Mary are moving over to the states in july to my family till the end of the year. So I really don't want to lose my friendship with her, she is my best Friend and don't know what I'd do without her.

I know she uses her dad's phone a lot to call me, go on fb etc so I'm also afraid that she will find the text he sent to me.

What do I do?
Do I confront my Friend and tell her we kissed, that I was really drunk and it was just some fun and I really regret it now and that her dad text me? Or do I say nothing and take it has lesson learned and try get over it.

any advice or opinions on the sistuation much appericated.

Babooshka

Tricky situation (sounds like the plot of a Woodie Allen movie )
I would send one text back, explaining exactly what you've explained here, i.e. "yep had fun, but that's all it was, you're a nice man but Mary's my best friend and I know this will freak her out and it was just a one off. Please delete this text and the one you sent me and let's forget it ever happened, it won't happen again either, you know we're both going away and it isn't worth losing Mary as my friend over this, best of luck etc."

Merkin

needadviceplease wrote: »

me and Mary are moving over to the states in july to my family till the end of the year. So I really don't want to lose my friendship with her, she is my best Friend and don't know what I'd do without her.

If you throw the lips on her Dad again it is just going to escalate and it will possibly end your friendship with Mary. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if she was enjoying snogs with your Dad? :eek:

I think another text would be incriminating. PHONE him when you know Mary is not around and explain yourself (as above) and say you do not want anything to happen again as it would jeopardize your friendship with Mary. Just say that you want to draw a line under it and delete all correspondence and try and avoid getting so poleaxed around him that you end up doing it again.

Emme

Mary's dad sounds like a creep. To be honest, it sounds like he's hanging out with her to get access to her friends. :eek:

I agree with advice to ring him and tell him you don't want anything else to happen on account of your friendship with Mary. Maybe you shouldn't go back to Mary's house for a while, just meet her for coffee or at your house.

Good luck in the States.

kjl

I think you should come clean with your friend. Also stay away from her dad, he sounds like a total creep. Like who kisses their daughters friends.

Ensure this never happens again by avoiding situations where you and him are left alone. Also, I know you are young, but you have to stop blaming drink for everything. Have some cop on, you know you didn't want to kiss him the second night so how did it happen?

"I was drunk" doesn't fly as an excuse for the rest of your life, do you think if you committed a crime the judge would forget about it because you were drunk?

Big Bag of Chips

You are flattered that he fancies you. But going by what your friend has said.. her dad isn't concentrating all his efforts on just you.

I'd say nothing. If you tell your friend then it will definitely affect your friendship. It will affect her relationship with her dad.

I know lots of people who have great close relationships with their kids, but don't go so far as this man does. He might be gorgeous, he might be 'cool', but he is being really inappropriate.

Say nothing to Mary. I wouldn't even bother saying anything to her dad, just avoid him in future. He'll soon turn his attention to someone else.

Edit: and don't be so naive - if you are in a crowded room, people will see stuff!!

LegacyUser

Thanks all for the replies.

I thought it would be best not to say anything cause I know it will affect our relationship and the close relationship with her dad.
I don't want to ring him and have to talk to him, that would just be too awkward for me, and I'm not replying to the text in the event of Mary seeing the text. I think calling him or texing back is just entertaining him and adding more smoke to the fire.

Just to clear up with regards the comments saying her dad sounds like a creep, I don't think he is.
He doesn't deliberately come on nights out with us all time, we are out nearly every weekend without her dad. Only reason her dad was with us on these occasions was cause they where family events.
while I agree that it is inappropriate for him to text me, but at the end of the day there was too of us involved, He didn't trow him self at me and pressure me into what had happen. I'm pretty sure we both led each other on and we both wanted it. I know I am a lot younger than him but I'm still an adult and knew full well what I was doing.

Ensure this never happens again by avoiding situations where you and him are left alone. Also, I know you are young, but you have to stop blaming drink for everything. Have some cop on, you know you didn't want to kiss him the second night so how did it happen?

"I was drunk" doesn't fly as an excuse for the rest of your life, do you think if you committed a crime the judge would forget about it because you were drunk?

I never once in my post blamed all of this on being drunk, I said that the drink had a part in it, which it did cause I doubt it would have happened if we where sober. it's still no excuse and I wanted what had happened at the time. I never mentioned not wanting to kiss him the second time, I did want to kiss him.
I just regret it now and have learned a lesson from the regret. I can ensure it won't happen again.

My main concern now is my Friend finding out and having to face her dad again. I will t be avoiding her house for the time being.

Emme

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You are flattered that he fancies you. But going by what your friend has said.. her dad isn't concentrating all his efforts on just you.

I'd say nothing. If you tell your friend then it will definitely affect your friendship. It will affect her relationship with her dad.

I know lots of people who have great close relationships with their kids, but don't go so far as this man does. He might be gorgeous, he might be 'cool', but he is being really inappropriate.

Say nothing to Mary. I wouldn't even bother saying anything to her dad, just avoid him in future. He'll soon turn his attention to someone else.

Edit: and don't be so naive - if you are in a crowded room, people will see stuff!!

I agree, I think the OP is flattered by the attention, enjoys it but knows that her friend doesn't really approve.

I would also think that this isn't the first time Mary's dad hit on one of her friends so no need to be flattered, OP.

It's up to yourself whether you want to get involved with an older man, OP, but if you do so you will probably risk losing your friend Mary. Also this man comes with a lot of baggage and I wouldn't think he's the faithful type.

Hazys

The Dad is a creep...that's an utterly ridiculous statement.

From what i can tell, both incidents occurred at family events not as it has been suggested the Dad has been trying to hang out with his daughter to creep on her friends. It also not chasing after her trying to meet her outside of these family events, he is doing the bare minimum of chasing her (maybe because he doesn't completely fancy her or that he knows he is on tricky ground and is walking on egg shells). They are both as "immoral" in this situation as each other.

It's obvious that the OP really fancies the Dad and when there is a few drinks in her decides to let her wants get the better of the situation. The OP has to decide what is more important to her, her friendship or flirting with her Dad.

I think the friend knows or at least is very suspicious at what's going on. Her line of questioning and the statement about her father's sex life are very telling. TBH i think the statement about her Father's sex life is more of thinly veiled "i think you might fancy my Dad, i'm going to exaggerate his sex life to throw you off doing something with him."

You've kissed her Dad twice, you may have to come clean with her if you want to save the friendship. If you keep it a secret, it will happen again, maybe not soon again but maybe some other time down the line. At least if you come clean you have set the boundaries with the father and you are serious that you want it to stop.

Kosseegan

I think o/p you are being ageist. So what if he is 50. He is single and you are single. If you want to have a relationship with him that is your business and his business. No one else should be bothered.

AnonoBoy

Kosseegan wrote: »

I think o/p you are being ageist. So what if he is 50. He is single and you are single. If you want to have a relationship with him that is your business and his business. No one else should be bothered.

Nonsense.

It stops being just about two people who are single when she's friends with the man's daughter.

Let's face it - it's creepy considering the man has probably known the OP her whole life. When she was a little girl he was already older than she is now.

Neyite

As the more mature person in this scenario, I think Dad behaved disgracefully. He KNOWS his daughter would be hurt, upset and embarrassed that he got off with her friend at a family event (in front of aunties, cousins, grannies etc), and was more than willing to shag her, totally disregarding how his daughter might feel, and not caring that he would have helped destroy a close friendship of hers in the process.

If he is that close to his daughter, he would would be placing the feelings of his daughter ahead of the feelings in his trousers. And you cant even say that he was drunk, because he texted you to hook up in the cold light of day.

OP, its up to you to be the grown up in this situation and put the brakes on it to avoid hurting your friend, since her "very close dad" wont.

beks101

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Nonsense.

It stops being just about two people who are single when she's friends with the man's daughter.

Let's face it - it's creepy considering the man has probably known the OP her whole life. When she was a little girl he was already older than she is now.

Exactly.

This whole thing just creeps me out tbh. No-one is suggesting the Dad took advantage of her, but the fact that he's going after his daughter's best friend in the first place, who as mentioned he probably knew when she was a child and growing up - I mean, is he eyeing her up every time she comes to visit his daughter, who presumably is the same age (and less than half his age)? Who can say that's not creepy?

We've all had a friend who had a youthful, good-looking parent that we'd joke about growing up - safe in the knowledge that a boundary exists with these relationships and calling your mate's Dad "hot" does NOT equate to wanting to or expecting to score him. It doesn't matter that they're both adults - that's inappropriate, immoral and shows a complete lack of respect or care on the Dad's part.

I'm sorry, it's creepy.

CaraMay

Ah op leave Georgie burgess alOne and meet someone of your own age. The guy is sleeping around. Do you want to be one of the notches on his bedpost. You will cringe in 5 years if you sleep with him.

ElleEm

CaraMay wrote: »

Ah op leave Georgie burgess alOne and meet someone of your own age. The guy is sleeping around. Do you want to be one of the notches on his bedpost. You will cringe in 5 years if you sleep with him.

If you actually read the OP's post, you will see that she is not interested in the guy and just wants to know how to handle the situation.


I agree with Babooshka, send him a text saying that you are not interested in taking it further and you don't wanna ruin your relationship with *Mary, as she is your priority in this situation.

Usually, I am all for honesty, but it sounds like there would be a few relationships affected by this coming out. Don't tell your friend, and make sure her dad knows not to say anything either.

The Pheasant

Meet up with her dad/call him, explain how you feel and the dilemma you're in (awkwardness aside you owe it to your friend) he may realise the problem and you could both tell her together OR he'd realise the effect that the revelation would have on his daughter and he'd know never to bring it up again and you could continue on with your lives with your friendship intact

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

thefeatheredcat

Your friend does bring up the issue of you and other friends finding her dad attractive up a lot, maybe subconsciously she does have an issue with it ? Maybe she senses that something potentially could happen or may have happened? Or is just generally embarrassed by her father's behaviour, in general? How he acted with you is probably no different how he acted with other women who might find him attractive, there really isn't a boundary for him in that you're friends and while you're all single and available someone (Mary) could get really hurt. Yes you're both adults, and I agree with what Neyite you need to be the adult here.

needadviceplease wrote: »

I just laughed about it and kept telling him your my best freinds dad it was only a kiss.

needadviceplease wrote: »

I don't feel anything for her dad other then attraction, I'd never ever want anything more.

You need to take control of this situation and tell him exactly that. It was only a kiss, but you'd never want anything more. He is treating you like any other woman on a night out, showing persistence and inviting you and initiating contact on a more personal level, like he would any other woman he has met. It doesn't come across that he has factored in you being his daughter's best friend and probably thinks it doesn't matter, you're attracted to him and he's happy to indulge that and see where it goes.

Just be straight with her dad that you don't wish for anything to happen or to continue anything with him and leave it at that. You're both single adults and ok, you kissed, but it didn't go any further than that that there needs to be any more awkwardness between ye by anyone's creation.

I'd personally suspect that maybe Mary knows or maybe just suspects that it could have happened or might happen in the future., or has already happened. She might have her own boundaries that her friends being attracted to him is ok, and acting on it is different and not so ok.

I think if you're straight up and honest to her dad about you've no intention or desire to take it further, I don't see any reason why there should be any awkwardness or any need to avoid him. I do think he needs to know where he stands. He's treating you like any other woman, maybe he's never been involved with someone younger or who is close friends to his daughter before, and he definitely needs a clear signal from you about things between ye.

LegacyUser

Thanks again everyone for the replies.


Just to clarify I have NO intentions of kissing him or doing anything with him again. I do not want anything from the man. The whole situation as made me realize that.


The more I think about it the more I realize it all is a little creepy especially the fact that he text again yesterday evening saying
"are you not gonna text me back"?
This really bugged me, and tbh I'm a little freaked by it, really upset and annoyed by the whole situation now. This and also the comments here have made me wake up and smell the roses. His behaviour is out of order. Not blaming it all on him, cause I'm at fault too.


I know a lot of you are saying to contact him and tell him how it is but I really don't want to do that, i'm a little freaked out at this stage and don't want have to talk to him. It would be too awkward for me.

Part of me wants to text back and just say listen stop texting me, what happened, happened and I regret it and if mary finds out she will kill us and it will ruin all relationships so leave me alone.


Then I'm thinking should I just leave it and say nothing cause I am afraid of mary finding the texts, and then questioning it all, which will leave me no choice but having to tell her everything? I can't tell her what happen cause I know for a fact it's gonna cause problems and I don't want to take that risk.


Am I right in saying that it is more awkward and embarrassing for him as he's the one sending the texts? bare in mind there is a good chance I will have to face him again as he is my best freinds daughter.

Neyite

Maybe you can phrase your text in a way that if Mary was to find it, it doesnt specifically say that you kissed her dad?

Something along the lines of "I dont think seeing you is a good idea, Mary would be really hurt and I have no interest in hurting her and nor should you." Lets leave it there, shall we, please dont text me about this again, thanks"

Or maybe other posters could word it better.

wallycharlo

In my opinion you are both equally out of order, and equally creepy so to speak.

My own 2 cts would be to never mention this to Mary, and cross your fingers that she never finds out, I would imagine that your relationship with her will change permanently if she is to find out, she just wont be able to get her head around it as much as she may want to.

If the dad keeps texting, I would respond with a short 'please do not text me again', if it still persists then have a sit down with him someone neutral, perhaps not a pub

Good Luck.

Babooshka

Ophereagain wrote: »

Am I right in saying that it is more awkward and embarrassing for him as he's the one sending the texts? bare in mind there is a good chance I will have to face him again as he is my best freinds daughter.

You really have received a lot of advice, if I was you I'd re-read it all and decide from what's inside yourself as the best thing to do. It'd be fairly easy enough, I would say, to quietly and discreetly tell the man to let it go the next time you happen to see him and never say a thing to your friend about it, unless he does, or he keeps on with the texts. It's a tricky situation but it's not that difficult to get your head around it and move on. Good luck.

Big Bag of Chips

I might be in a minority here but I don't see the need to contact him now. If you don't reply he should get the message. If he continues to contact you after that you know he's a real creep, and will have to say something when you see him.

American TV shows seem to make us think we need to talk everything out and clear the air and let everyone know where we stand... Real life doesn't have to be like that.

He's your best friend's dad... Believe it or not it should be easy enough to avoid him. You don't have to call round to her house and you can decline invitations to family events for a while.

You WILL of course have to see him at some stage, and it will be awkward. But you can treat him the same as you would any of your other friend's dads.. be polite.. but no flirting!

Edit: I'd also be worried about him because he doesn't sound the brightest/most discreet person in the world.. he might start quizzing your friend about you. And I'd say she's already suspicious of you two.

You've gotten yourself into a fine mess. Just hope it blows over.

Lone Stone

you know if she's your friend you will stop, you risk ruining her relationship with her only parent, and both you and him really need to cop on a bit here to be honest. (dont mean that in a offensive way ergh..)

Merkin

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I might be in a minority here but I don't see the need to contact him now.

I do, especially when the dirty old fecker sent yet another text as to why she wasn't replying. It could needlessly escalate otherwise and next thing you know he'll have texted every day for a fortnight and she's avoided going within a mile radius of Mary's house so as to avoid her lascivious father, hurting her friend in the process.

Phone him or text him and tell him to leave you alone and that you're not interested. Be clear and definite, that way he's under no illusions that anything else is going to recur and at least then you've got that conversation out of the way rather than ignoring texts and him persisting.

wallycharlo

Merkin wrote: »

I do, especially when the dirty old fecker sent yet another text as to why she wasn't replying....

I'm really struggling to see where all the animosity towards this man is coming from on this thread?

Sure, there are moral compass issues here, but in my opinion it's honours even on the blame allocation score.

No dispect meant to the OP, but she is 23 and not 18, and at that age you should really know better. Not to mention the fact that it turns out not to have been an isolated incident?

Merkin

wallycharlo wrote: »

I'm really struggling to see where all the animosity towards this man is coming from on this thread?

Hardly animosity, I don't know the man from Adam.

I have however formed the impression that he's a bit of a knob because I don't know many men who would score and then pursue their young daughters best friend. It's just wrong and suggests a lack of respect for his daughter and her feelings. It has also been mentioned that trying it on with lots of people is a common occurrence hence my reference to him being lascivious. Fine to do that but don't poo in your own back garden.

I'm not either for a moment suggesting the OP is blameless (putting bad behaviour down to drink is pretty silly really) but I'm hardly going to castigate her here on PI when she's come on here in distress because of a problem. Ultimately he sounds like he could potentially get on her case so she needs to make it clear that the snogs meant nothing.

LegacyUser

This man is obviously lonely and hurting. He's a very young widower and not a "leech", he's not a "knob", he's a single man who is attracted to women.

OP, you don't have to avoid him, you can ask him simply to stop, you are not comfortable with his attentions and would like to be able to converse with him should you ever be in his company. The way things are, if they are not clarified, will leave you avoiding your mate's Dad, something you WILL have to account for should it continue.

When you see him, in your friend's company, ask him about his girlfriend, ask him what he's doing but make it clear all such talk excludes the possibility of you and him becoming an "item".

Back to what I started at, he's lonely and probably hurting to be deprived of his life-companion at a far too young age.

wallycharlo

Merkin wrote: »

Hardly animosity, I don't know the man from Adam.

...

I don't agree.

Look at the language which is being used to describe the dad on this thread ...

'Creep', 'Knob', Dirty Old Fecker'... It's not a swipe at you personally, lots of others are at it as well.

Certainly the OP should not be dragged over the coals etc, I'm not suggesting that in any way. But I think what she would appreciate most is some frank unbiased discussion on the matter.

Merkin

wallycharlo wrote: »

'Creep', 'Knob', Dirty Old Fecker'... It's not a swipe at you personally, lots of others are at it as well.

It actually is so why don't you go and use the report button instead of dragging the thread off topic...

Taltos

OK guys - time for everyone to step back a bit.
If you don't have direct advice for the OP please don't post - otherwise your post will be viewed as off topic or even back seat moderation - both of which are against the rules on this forum.

Also - keep it civil. We don't know this man and using terms of bigotry to describe him really isn't all that fair. Either on him or on choices the OP has made.

Thanks
Taltos

Catphish

Ophereagain wrote: »

Thanks again everyone for the replies.


Just to clarify I have NO intentions of kissing him or doing anything with him again. I do not want anything from the man. The whole situation as made me realize that.


The more I think about it the more I realize it all is a little creepy especially the fact that he text again yesterday evening saying
"are you not gonna text me back"?
This really bugged me, and tbh I'm a little freaked by it, really upset and annoyed by the whole situation now. This and also the comments here have made me wake up and smell the roses. His behaviour is out of order. Not blaming it all on him, cause I'm at fault too.


I know a lot of you are saying to contact him and tell him how it is but I really don't want to do that, i'm a little freaked out at this stage and don't want have to talk to him. It would be too awkward for me.

Part of me wants to text back and just say listen stop texting me, what happened, happened and I regret it and if mary finds out she will kill us and it will ruin all relationships so leave me alone.


Then I'm thinking should I just leave it and say nothing cause I am afraid of mary finding the texts, and then questioning it all, which will leave me no choice but having to tell her everything? I can't tell her what happen cause I know for a fact it's gonna cause problems and I don't want to take that risk.


Am I right in saying that it is more awkward and embarrassing for him as he's the one sending the texts? bare in mind there is a good chance I will have to face him again as he is my best freinds daughter.

Okay, I'll be the one to say it. I think your friends father is a very silly man, and has acted disgracefully here. But you're not blameless in this. You did tell him at that wedding that you always thought he was hot, so you opened up that avenue for him to get stupid about the situation.

See him when your friend is out or ask to meet him somewhere private then set the story straight for once and for all, and after that, give each other a wide berth.

Powerhouse

needadviceplease wrote: »

Going Unreg for this,.

After putting myself in a really awkward and uncomfortable situation.

Basically my bestfreind(have knowing each other all our lives). I'll call her Mary.
She moved in with her dad a couple of years ago when her mother passed away.
Her dad was in a previous relationship and split from the girlfriend over a year ago.
I always got on well with her dad, he's not your usual "daddy type", he looks young, acts young and has an extremely close relationship with his daughter.
I'm 23 he's 50.

I do always joke with Mary saying how hot her dad is (all our Friends do it ) it's our way of having laugh and a joke with her we don't mean any harm by it. It doesn't bother my Friend she just laughs it off.

Anyways, about a month ago I went to Marys cousins wedding with her and her dad.
She was pissed and start telling her dad how we all (Friends and I) do be calling him hot, he just laughed about it.
After a few drinks (I was fairly intoxicated) Me and her dad ended up kissing - we just kissed it was nothing more. I remember just pulling away saying if mary seen us she would kill me and we just laughed it off.

I felt fairly guilty about it the next day and just put it down to us both been drunk and it was a kiss move on and forget about it, so I did.

Last weekend I went to another family event with Mary and her Dad. This time another Friend came also. Again I got drunk and was up dancing and having a laugh with her dad. He started to get very touchy feel in front of everyone so I walked away and he followed me (I'm sure no one seen us) asking how come I never got in touch with him after that night(the night of the cousins wedding) I just laughed about it and kept telling him your my best freinds dad it was only a kiss.

The freind that came to the party with me and mary jokingly said in the toilet "look at you with Marys dad all over you, something going on there? I'm jealous " she was laughing while saying this but obviously seen something for her to say this to me.

The night was coming to an end and I ended up kissing her dad again, this time it was alot more intimate and i was nearly going to leave with him to sleep with him ( it was his idea to leave and get a hotel room) - thankfully I didn't.
I left with mary and on the way home in the taxi she was like my dad is been all weird with you is he creeping you out? I just laughed and said no we where just having a laugh, and she was like let me know if he's been odd with you i'll kill him (jokingly)

She made a comment the next day " did my dad leave with anyone last night", "i just said I didn't no, I didn't see him leaving" and she says jokingly " he's always pulling lately he's a better sex life than me"
So I don't think she suspects anything, she was fairly drunk to and prob can't remember half the night.

I don't feel anything for her dad other then attraction, I'd never ever want anything more.
The day after, I again felt bad / and wrong for what I have done, and realized I need to stop drinking so much and end up kissing her dad. Not using drink as an excuse but it did play a part.
Promised myself I won't let it happen again.


Yesterday morning I get a text from him saying "How are you, good night the other night "
I nearly died when I get the text and have been feeling sick ever since, I haven't replied and don't intend on replying.
He is after making an awkward situation ever more awkward and if Mary where to find out what has been happening I'm pretty sure it would ruin our relationship and ruin the close relationship she has with her dad.

To make matters worse, me and Mary are moving over to the states in july to my family till the end of the year. So I really don't want to lose my friendship with her, she is my best Friend and don't know what I'd do without her.

I know she uses her dad's phone a lot to call me, go on fb etc so I'm also afraid that she will find the text he sent to me.

What do I do?
Do I confront my Friend and tell her we kissed, that I was really drunk and it was just some fun and I really regret it now and that her dad text me? Or do I say nothing and take it has lesson learned and try get over it.

any advice or opinions on the sistuation much appericated.

She was pissed and start telling her dad how we all (Friends and I) do be calling him hot, he just laughed about it.
After a few drinks (I was fairly intoxicated) Me and her dad ended up kissing - we just kissed it was nothing more. I remember just pulling away saying if mary seen us she would kill me and we just laughed it off.

I felt fairly guilty about it the next day and just put it down to us both been drunk and it was a kiss move on and forget about it, so I did.

Last weekend I went to another family event with Mary and her Dad. This time another Friend came also. Again I got drunk and was up dancing and having a laugh with her dad.

So I don't think she suspects anything, she was fairly drunk to and prob can't remember half the night.

The day after, I again felt bad / and wrong for what I have done, and realized I need to stop drinking so much and end up kissing her dad. Not using drink as an excuse but it did play a part.

I'm sure you'll have plenty of advice from others on the other aspects of the issue, but the pieces above highlight the main recurring theme for my reading of your experience. If you want awkward situations to develop over and over again keep drinking.

Remember the man is 50, single, has his family reared and will probably take a good time wherever it crops up, which in fairness is his entitlement. It's a matter for you, as a consenting adult, to decide whether you are to be involved in that.

If you don't want to be it would be a good idea to stop idealising him by going on about how 'hot' he is (this is a silly mindset). I have no doubt this gave him plenty of encouragement. We have all done this from time to time about people and then later seeing them from a distance see them quite differently. There may be an element of the 'forbidden fruit' going on here too.

Secondly you need to consider your relationship with alcohol. It seems to get you into a lot of situations you don't want to be in. I did not read of one decision you took in all that experience which was not drink-influenced. If that was out of the equation this problem would probably not exist. Or if drink is a non-negotiable for you then maybe give Mary's family events a skip for a while?

Miaireland

OP has he been in touch since. If he hasn't you could avoid him but if he has I think you need to be grown up and tackle this head on. Maybe you could contact him at work and ask him to meet you during his lunch break or even speak over the phone, send him an email. You could also just send him a text saying that you consider the matter closed and you would prefer if he did not contact you about it again.

I would think he would have some sense and have your number saved under a different name on his phone if he allows her daughter use it.


To be honest I would contact he regardless I think you owe him that respect.

shadowcomplex

Merkin wrote: »

Hardly animosity, I don't know the man from Adam.

I have however formed the impression that he's a bit of a knob because I don't know many men who would score and then pursue their young daughters best friend. It's just wrong and suggests a lack of respect for his daughter and her feelings. It has also been mentioned that trying it on with lots of people is a common occurrence hence my reference to him being lascivious. Fine to do that but don't poo in your own back garden.

I'm not either for a moment suggesting the OP is blameless (putting bad behaviour down to drink is pretty silly really) but I'm hardly going to castigate her here on PI when she's come on here in distress because of a problem. Ultimately he sounds like he could potentially get on her case so she needs to make it clear that the snogs meant nothing.

I don't think the daughter has anything to do with why you called him a dirty old fecker , I think the fact he is 50 and she is 23 is what you disapprove of, I'm in my 30s right now , when is my attraction to girls in their 20s supposed to end , will I be sick or a pervert if I still do when I get to my 40s

Taltos

shadowcomplex - Your post is off topic and is against the instruction I gave earlier to only post in line with our charter. PI/RI is not a forum for discussions - it is an advice forum.

Thanks
Taltos

Faith

Do not text back. If you must speak to him, do it verbally. You absolutely don't want Mary finding out about it, and she's very very likely to see a text.

Aside, you say she uses her Dad's phone all the time. Are you sure it's not her texting you from his phone? Imagine if it's Mary texting, and you reply saying "We should never have kissed and it will never happen again"! My best friend regularly texts from her mum and sister's phones without clarifying that it's her. I just never suspect otherwise because her sister and mum wouldn't text me.

If you're not prepared to call him, then just ignore the texts completely and be prepared to say something the next time you're alone with him in person.

Da Shins Kelly

I'd just ignore him, to be honest. He'll get the picture eventually. This whole "something just needs to be said" or "you just have to meet up with him and set it all straight" does not always need to be the case. If you blank someone, they usually then realise that you don't want to talk to them and will back off. This whole confrontational attitude isn't always necessary.

StudentDad

From what I've read the OP is sending mixed messages to the 'Dad' - Yes, No, Maybe, Um - and then waking up in the cold light of day and realising that she's been behaving in a 'drunken' manner.

It's not fair on the 'Dad' to lead him on and then have a 'crisis' of should I? Shouldn't I?

OP whether or not you'll 'hurt' your friend is kind of irrelevant. If you don't want to entertain the advances of the 'Dad' then don't and tell him straight out. If you do, go from there.

SD

Paddy Cow

OP ignore him. It can be tricky enough when something happens with a friend's sibling but a parent is a big no no. The father, at 50, should know better. It was bad enough that ye kissed twice but to go texting you is wrong on all sorts of levels. He has to know that there is no hope of this ever blossoming into a relationship and he is letting his imagination/ego run away with him. Let it blow over and don't say it to Mary. EVER. Even if you are drunk some night and want to come clean, don't. She will forever look at you differently.