Distressed and concerned

sancara

Hi,

I’malmost 30 years old and from a rural area. I’ve felt attracted to other guysfor many years now while occasionally being attracted to women. I’ve tried hardin so many ways to hide these feelings always hoping I‘d meet the girl for me.I’ve met a few to be fair but never had any real serious relationship.

Myexperiences with men are nil ! I’ve had the opportunity on two occasions, ondrunken nights, but turned away both guys again thinking “no way I’m gay.” Now I have to admit I’m sorryI didn’t even kiss them and mess around for the experience, but knowing themwell wouldn’t be easy either. As a very masculine guy I thought this gaysituation was just some kind of a phase that ran through my mind every now andthen. I know many lads that are gay and quite camp and when I’d meet them outI’d be there thinking “no way I’m gay.” Recently another friend came out to me.While I’d a good idea he was gay, it was still a little shock. I really respectthe way he has teased through it all and made no rash moves.

Mybiggest problem at the minute is whether I’m actually gay or not. It is notsomething I feel I can decide on and change my mind on in a few months timeagain. I need to know for sure. It’s wrecking my head and leaving me in a verylonely and isolated place. I could talk about it to my friend who recently cameout and while I’m sure he’d be great to talk to I think he’d die of shock. I know sexuality isn’t always clear-cut but Idon’t know if I’ll be able to come to terms with it - but it may just have tohappen.


Being a primaryschool teacher in a rural school poses challenges. While I have a greatrelationship with the children, parents and local community where I work,wouldthis change if people were to find out that I am gay? I’m aware of Section 37.1of the Employment Act protecting religious institutions right to protect theirethos, however, as a school leader I feel that slightly bit more untouchable bythe Church. This maybe a crazy thought though! Apart from school I love myG.A.A. and have met great people through it. Wouldtheir perception of me change? It has always been thought by some, a minority, I'm gay, I've heard the comments behind my back.

Alot of stuff thrown out there but I would welcome genuine advice from someonein a similar situation or someone who can give a little guidance.

Daith

I think ultimately you can't worry about what other people think or even the employment aspect.

You need to decide yourself if you're gay. My guess is you are and you need to accept that. I'm not sure what part of the country you are in but there's a few groups around that you could join or meetup.

The fact that you are gay just means you like people of the same sex. You can still watch GAA and still teach. It ain't that bad at all

oisindoyle

Well many people go tru the same "am I" "I cant be gay I like girls" or "I'm masculine not camp" ."How can i be gay " ect ect

Bottom line is gay people come in all shapes and sizes.Some are as camp as Christmas ,some are as straight as a die.

The only person who truly knows if you are gay is YOU ..

Two questions for you to ponder over
1)When you are walking down the street ,who do you find yourself looking at more ? guys or girls? In other words do you crotch watch ,,lol
2)When you are pleasureing yourself who do you fantasise about ? guys or girls?

You asked "Wouldtheir perception of me change?" ,,,Answer is no one knows ,you dont ,so try not beat yourself up over whta others will think of you ,
It is YOUR LIFE ,not theirs. YOUR happiness is what matters not anyone elses.
For many coming to terms with their sexuality is a life long struggle ,for others they just burst out of the closet and couldnt care less.
You are still a young man ,take things slowly,99% of the time when people come out to others it is a non event
IF things are still bothering you maybe give Gayswitchboard a ring ,it is totally confidential and might be worth giving it a call.
018721055
PM anytime if you wish also
Best of luck

Moon Indigo

I think take it one step at a time and worry less about labeling yourself right now as that won't help. To move forward I feel the best step is to try talk to someone about how your feeling. Not necessarily that you feel you may be Gay if you don't want to, but just how about how your feeling and you your feelings towards the same sex and your confusion. I can understand that many factors that once seemed so simple can suddenly be viewed differently when viewed through the lens of something as altering as sexuality. It dosen't change who you are on the inside. You are still going to be a teacher and an important person in those kids lives and the GAA will still be part of your life. None of that alters. As for the rural Ireland situation..well.. that is were you live not your life. Anyway.. sorry for the long post but yeah first step is to talk to someone and if you feel like your friend is too close for you to be comfortable with then maybe try the LGBT helpline. And chin up..

Daith

The Dublin International Gay Social Group (D.I.G.S) meetup group are having a newcomers meeting on Sunday April 7th.

I was in a similar situation (came out later than I should have) and it was only meeting other LGBT people that really helped me.

Best of luck

ongarboy

Hi OP,

your post is very similar to one posted earlier this month here by another rural based school teacher of a similar age and dilemmas to you. Why don't you read it (if you haven't already) as it offers some very good advice and perspectives. Link below.

As regards whether you are gay, if you know a woman doesn't sexually arouse you at all but a man does, then yes, I think you are gay. But, if both men and women turn you on to varying degrees, then you are most likely bisexual.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056776791

Hunchback

ongarboy wrote: »

Hi OP,

your post is very similar to one posted earlier this month here by another rural based school teacher of a similar age and dilemmas to you. Why don't you read it (if you haven't already) as it offers some very good advice and perspectives. Link below.

As regards whether you are gay, if you know a woman doesn't sexually arouse you at all but a man does, then yes, I think you are gay. But, if both men and women turn you on to varying degrees, then you are most likely bisexual.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056776791

Indeed there is an uncanny resemblance between the two posts