dumped by text

duke916

yesterday i was dumped by text from a girl who convinced me over the last 6 months that she loved me. Done the most thoughtful and wonderful things for me, both on the same page of what we both wanted from each other and i couldn't put a single flaw on the relationship. Up until last week everything was more than perfect. I thought the world of her I was under the impression she felt the same. I thought she was different.

Then shockingly without proper reason, i was dumped, by text! Its a horrible horrible feeling. Its cold and cruel. You cannot get proper answers. You are waiting anxiously for a reply and your left for as long as they fit to wonder where all this has come from until your partner decides to put you out of your misery. Certain questions can be ignored at the will of your partner and you begin to feel bitter and question the whole relationship simply because you're being treated like a sudden stranger, that you meant nothing at all to them.

I at least deserved face to face contact or a call to chat about things before a quick cut decision was made. To have the element of a sudden distance placed onto the conversation, be ignored on questioning and then end things with a text has really made me reconsider the type of person she was.

What do you generally think of someone who dumps via text?

Sarz91

It's happened a few times to me. I've been in your position before and, to be honest, it's pretty s**t. I, personally have absolutely no time for people who don't respect me enough to at least tell me in person. You shouldn't either.

judgefudge

I will admit to dumping someone by text once. But we weren't together very long and he had been messing me around so I don't feel bad about it to be honest.

In your case she sounds like a coward or a headwreck. Unfortunately most people get screwed over at least once in life. It's difficult but try to put her behind you now.

wallycharlo

My first thoughts on seeing that thread title was that the OP plays football for Ireland, but I seems I got my wires crossed ...

... apologies for that interruption

December2012

It's unfair, but sometimes it is a good way to communicate - you get to get your point across.

Taltos

wallycharlo - PI is strictly moderated. Either contribute inline with our charter or don't post. Otherwise you will shortly find yourself banned from here.

Taltos

duke916

December2012 wrote: »

It's unfair, but sometimes it is a good way to communicate - you get to get your point across.

its a good way to communicate if running late, not in a position to talk because there are others about or, just generally on the fly when busy etc., but in all due respect, its a very cold and calculated way to notify someone of such a decision for a topic so personal between two people who were more than just friends. Besides, when you hear someone on the phone, you hear tone which is an expression, so, as hard as it sounds to have to hear those words, you get closure. There is no feeling or expression through texts. They're only something which allows your other half to hide behind instead of facing you. I thought a call was bad enough, but texts are the ultimate annoyance and leads you to believe you were worthless.

She wants to remain friends, but seriously a friend wouldn't treat another friend like that, so the answer to her question was simply 'no!'.

alibab

duke916 wrote: »

its a good way to communicate if running late, not in a position to talk because there are others about or, just generally on the fly when busy etc., but in all due respect, its a very cold and calculated way to notify someone of such a decision for a topic so personal between two people who were more than just friends. Besides, when you hear someone on the phone, you hear tone which is an expression, so, as hard as it sounds to have to hear those words, you get closure. There is no feeling or expression through texts. They're only something which allows your other half to hide behind instead of facing you. I thought a call was bad enough, but texts are the ultimate annoyance and leads you to believe you were worthless.

She wants to remain friends, but seriously a friend wouldn't treat another friend like that, so the answer to her question was simply 'no!'.

I agree fully its a horrible way to treat someone and shows a complete lack of respect and is cowardly and I think must people would agree . Op same thing happened to me recently had been seeing each other about the same amount of time . It was the hardest part of it all to accept that the person that I thought I knew etc could be so cold and so cowardly . There is no excuse for it . Maybe he thought if he rang I was going to beg of something :rolleyes: as I said it wasn't the breakup so much but the way it was delivered . It left me feeling very used by that person etc and yes there was a lack of closure . I did text back that it was cowardly etc and then stopped contact . Honestly I wonder sometimes how I manage to get it so wrong as did not see it coming from this person in such a cold way .

LegacyUser

Texting someone like that with such an important message is both cowardly and calculated. It shows nothing but self interest. As much as its horrible to say it, she cared more about being awkward than your feelings. Sounds like she planned it for a while and then literally hit the button.

This isn't the sort of decision you make out of the blue, and if I were to guess I'd say she met someone else but was too much of a coward to say that to your face.

LegacyUser

Op. It's very rude and strange when she broke up with you and she didn't give you a reason.

I've done this to someone before but I gave a reason. I didn't want to talk face to face anymore because I had told him 2 months before I ended it that I didn't know his feelings toward me after 5 months together so I thought he would have liked to express his feeling a bit more when I was still around but nothing changed so I dumped him by text because I thought he had no feelings for me anyway so it didn't matter if I dumped him by text or face to face but he was devastated and acted just like you now( I was also fantastic to him until the day I finished it) so maybe the girl you were seeing has spoken to you about what she wants in a relationship and you failed to notice it so she just didnt bother meeting you to give you a reason?

duke916

Elle McKenna wrote: »

Op. It's very rude and strange when she broke up with you and she didn't give you a reason.

I've done this to someone before but I gave a reason. I didn't want to talk face to face anymore because I had told him 2 months before I ended it that I didn't know his feelings toward me after 5 months together so I thought he would have liked to express his feeling a bit more when I was still around but nothing changed so I dumped him by text because I thought he had no feelings for me anyway so it didn't matter if I dumped him by text or face to face but he was devastated and acted just like you now( I was also fantastic to him until the day I finished it) so maybe the girl you were seeing has spoken to you about what she wants in a relationship and you failed to notice it so she just didnt bother meeting you to give you a reason?

Nope! Feelings always being expressed for each other. "The little things' that we done for each other confirmed this. Those kinda things were always constant in our relationship. Always on the same page. She was married before, divorced a couple of years now. I was the first 'big thing' that (she said) she had since then that felt so right so I'm guessing (wildly) maybe she got cold feet, got scared and ran out the door ...I don't know but seriously, there was nothing I could think of that cause this. No 'hidden' lines when we chatted and certainly no cause for concern other than that it was going fine as any normal (whatever that it) relationship would go. Apart from the actual breakup, and no realistic reason to do so given, I have to deal with completely blanking me, like i never existed ..never to hear from her again or to be able draw a line in the sand as to why she didnt think things would work. My friends reckon she has left things open to contact me again, that I should hear from her, that perhaps she needs time to herself but, seriously it just leaves ya feeling empty and in some regard a little resentment towards her because of the way she has acted towards me. So I move on, few weeks or whatever, she decides to make contact (if this happens) but in my own head, I doubt it and can't think like she will. All these bad experiences do put a question over whether life is although lonely at times when single, perhaps a better option. You've a clear head, you get on with things and no bullsh1t.

Her last message told me we would be better off as friends and she loved me. That's it!

A

ShaShaBear

I was a victim of this disrespectful and selfish breakup method just over a year ago myself. I had been in a very serious relationship with this guy from I was 18 until 21 - we even lived together. Broke up because his maturity levels showed absolutely no signs of catching up with his age and current responsibilities, and his family were an absolute shower of filthy knackers (him making excuses for headlice the size of a housefly falling off his nephews head when *I* was babysitting for free to mention one scenario).

Three years apart, and we got back together - him full of promises after me being through a series of rotten relationships, and him enjoying the single life. Swore his life to me, told me he knew I was the one, things were different etc. Asked my mother how she would feel if we eloped when he was visiting with me about a fortnight after! Thought we had it all, for about 6 months. Then he reverted right back to the arse I used to know. Not paying any of his bills and looking help off me, whinging because I asked him to collect me at Tesco with my groceries (which he was driving past on the way to visit me in my flat anyway), arriving up to spend the night with me and then getting a mysterious last minute invite to go out clubbing with his mates (he even "happened" to have a shirt packed!). I wasn't invited because it was "men only" and then, suspiciously enough, all of his mates girlfriends just happened to be in the same club that night!

Anyway, told him to buck the heck up or trot on and he did change - got a transfer of department at work, stopped talking to old flings on Facebook, even organised a night out that I was invited to.

And then dumped me by text three days before my dad's one-year anniversary mass. Told me he wasn't happy anymore but he still loved me and wanted to remain friends. I text back "Yeah no problem, but you have some stuff of mine I need before I go home this weekend, please drop them up to me before you settle home for the night". Got my stuff, told him to get the hell away from me and wished him a happy, lonely life. I was heartbroken and disgusted that he couldn't even tell me the truth.

His attitude changed very quickly when he found out that I am now engaged

Beruthiel

duke916 wrote: »

What do you generally think of someone who dumps via text?

A spineless, cowardly act done by someone who didn't have enough respect for you to face you directly.
That type of behaviour speaks volumes with regards to the type of person she is.
I wouldn't give her the time of day if she contacts you at some point in the future.
Dodged a bullet duke.

December2012

No clear answer to that. Some folks won't take no for an answer and a text is the only way to be blunt.

duke916

Beruthiel wrote: »

A spineless, cowardly act done by someone who didn't have enough respect for you to face you directly.
That type of behaviour speaks volumes with regards to the type of person she is.
I wouldn't give her the time of day if she contacts you at some point in the future.
Dodged a bullet duke.

i dont know what to think anymore. Only so much knocking a person can take.
it seems once ya put your wall down, you believe what they say and then they have you, ya get fooked all over again. its a lose lose situation.

ShaShaBear

duke916 wrote: »

i dont know what to think anymore. Only so much knocking a person can take.
it seems once ya put your wall down, you believe what they say and then they have you, ya get fooked all over again. its a lose lose situation.

In my experience OP, texting is used when the person is in an immediate position where they need to break up, and waiting for face to face opporunities don't fit in, or as another poster said, when people refuse to take no for an answer. Chances are she knew she couldnt say it to your face so she texted it to avoid you, possibly (like in my experience) she was presented with an "opportunity" and a quick text removed her of her guilt (again, only my experience, so take what you will from it).

Unless you are the one being difficult, there is no excuse. Someone who doesn't have the respect to give me important information to my face when possible isn't even friend material.

duke916

ShaShaBear wrote: »

In my experience OP, texting is used when the person is in an immediate position where they need to break up, and waiting for face to face opporunities don't fit in, or as another poster said, when people refuse to take no for an answer. Chances are she knew she couldnt say it to your face so she texted it to avoid you, possibly (like in my experience) she was presented with an "opportunity" and a quick text removed her of her guilt (again, only my experience, so take what you will from it).

Unless you are the one being difficult, there is no excuse. Someone who doesn't have the respect to give me important information to my face when possible isn't even friend material.

how does one know that they wont take 'no' for an answer unless spoken to? if she told me face to face and i was trying to contact her constantly thereafter i would agree with the sentiment of reconfirming by text to get the message across, but i can assure you this wasn't the case at all.

avoiding me? yes, without doubt.
presented with another opportunity? id prefer not to think about that and add more woe to my thoughts already. its a possibility but then everything is speculation as to the reasons why when answers cannot be found. the only person that knows is her and i'll never know unless she tells me. this as said is the worst part of being 'dumped by text'. face to face expressions speak a thousand words, texts are just pieces of empty emotions that the receiver tries to interpret to get a 'real' answer which will never be confirmed as a true.

Beruthiel

duke916 wrote: »

it seems once ya put your wall down, you believe what they say and then they have you, ya get fooked all over again. its a lose lose situation.

Don't allow yourself to become bitter over it.
You have to trust to love and there will be times that approach will bite you in the ass.
However, the alternative is a lonely place and you need to remind yourself that not all future partners will treat you the same.

duke916

Beruthiel wrote: »

Don't allow yourself to become bitter over it.
You have to trust to love and there will be times that approach will bite you in the ass.
However, the alternative is a lonely place and you need to remind yourself that not all future partners will treat you the same.

Im trying but you know yourself ...its hard. I know I'll bounce back and that is life but why people treat others like this, especially after an intimate relationship is just out and out bad form and so undeserved. I would expect to feel very little if i was do something like this myself. maybe it will happen her one day when least expected and know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

ShaShaBear

duke916 wrote: »

how does one know that they wont take 'no' for an answer unless spoken to? if she told me face to face and i was trying to contact her constantly thereafter i would agree with the sentiment of reconfirming by text to get the message across, but i can assure you this wasn't the case at all.

avoiding me? yes, without doubt.
presented with another opportunity? id prefer not to think about that and add more woe to my thoughts already. its a possibility but then everything is speculation as to the reasons why when answers cannot be found. the only person that knows is her and i'll never know unless she tells me. this as said is the worst part of being 'dumped by text'. face to face expressions speak a thousand words, texts are just pieces of empty emotions that the receiver tries to interpret to get a 'real' answer which will never be confirmed as a true.

Oh no, I didnt meant to suggest it was the case with you OP, I just mean that it would be justification to send a text if you were truly trying to finish with someone and they were having none of it. Obviously when you are blissfully unaware, its only respectful to tell you face to face. At least then you can take some closure and comfort from the emotions/lack thereof she displays while telling you it's over. Like I said, been in the position before and had he come to me face to face I would have known straight away that he was lying to me, that he felt nothing for me at all, and that he was only breaking up with me and looking to be friends in case his new plan didn't work out. If he had of told me in tears, and looked genuinely guilty, I could have consoled myself in the fact that this was obviously something he had been struggling with and he obviously hated doing it, but manned up out of respect.

It's a downright dirty thing to do, and like I said, if they cant respect you enough to tell you to their face, why on earth do they think you would want to be their friend? :rolleyes:

duke916

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Oh no, I didnt meant to suggest it was the case with you OP, I just mean that it would be justification to send a text if you were truly trying to finish with someone and they were having none of it. Obviously when you are blissfully unaware, its only respectful to tell you face to face. At least then you can take some closure and comfort from the emotions/lack thereof she displays while telling you it's over. Like I said, been in the position before and had he come to me face to face I would have known straight away that he was lying to me, that he felt nothing for me at all, and that he was only breaking up with me and looking to be friends in case his new plan didn't work out. If he had of told me in tears, and looked genuinely guilty, I could have consoled myself in the fact that this was obviously something he had been struggling with and he obviously hated doing it, but manned up out of respect.

It's a downright dirty thing to do, and like I said, if they cant respect you enough to tell you to their face, why on earth do they think you would want to be their friend? :rolleyes:

ah sure i know what ya mean. i might have come across wrong.

This line is key though...
'If he had of told me in tears, and looked genuinely guilty, I could have consoled myself in the fact that this was obviously something he had been struggling with and he obviously hated doing it, but manned up out of respect.'

well put.