think we can be friends now

LegacyUser

So about two months ago I ended an on/off relationship for good and told the guy not to contact me and ill decide when i can be friends.. I've had ups and downs and a lot of crying for the last while but now i feel free, I finally realised that we are both at different places in our lives.... i'm moving on and happy looking for someone else.... i think its finally time to be friends and well at least civil as we are in college together and have similar classes and friends, he's been great and given me my space! i finally think its time to just be friends and that I could be happy with us only being friends... but im unsure how to approach the situation, I'm hoping to do it sooner rather then later as there is a friends bday party on sat and I am pretty sure he'll be there so i dont want it to be awkward as i know our friends have been a little unsure of how to act so i want everything smoothed over...

Does anyone have any advice about what to do??

Thanks

Idle Passerby

I think rather than bluntly telling him "now we can be friends" Just be normal with him, say hello when you see him next. I doubt he needs it to be written in stone that you're ok now. Bear it in mind that just because you've decided you want to be his friend, he may not feel the same.

kylith

Personally I don't think it's ever a good idea to try to stay friends with an ex, unless the split was very amicable. You need to bear in mind that he may still be hurting after the split, and you telling him that ye can be friends may be interpreted as 'there might be a chance we can get back together'. You also need to bear his feelings in mind with regard to you moving on to other relationships.

I would advise not approaching him and saying 'lets be friends' two months is nowhere near enough time for all the wounds to have healed. If you see him at a social event say hello and make small talk. If you're meant to be friends it'll happen over time, it's not something you can rush.

...__...

What if he doesnt want to be frieds with you?
You dumped him then were very controlling by saying "ill decide when we will be friends" only thinking of yourself and not about his feelings. es givig you space because you told him not to contact you. Could you be jealous that when you see him he might be wth someone else ? Or does being friends make seeing him at a pary less arkward?

ShowMeTheCash

You will decide when you can be friends?
You sound delightful!

Sounds like you want your cake and the party.... If this party was not happening would you still be looking to brake the ice with him after you ended the relationship?

My advice, like above, no need to do anything, if you see him say hello do not think you need to read into anything anymore than that.

December2012

Just be friendly. No big announcements.

duke916

...__... wrote: »

What if he doesnt want to be friends with you?
You dumped him then were very controlling by saying "ill decide when we will be friends" only thinking of yourself and not about his feelings. es givig you space because you told him not to contact you.

Was just thinking this myself. Very controlling. OP you sound very condescending and patronizing in the sense you seem to have claimed superiority of the relationship. If an ex was to approach me and say 'well, now we can be friends' after claiming to decide when such a situation can happen, then Id probably tell her to go walk off the nearest cliff.