Relationship Over - Haven't Dealt With It

LegacyUser

So, I broke up with my ex 5 months ago. I loved him dearly (I may still do) but to cut a long story short, he has a drinking problem, wouldn't get any help and with me being only in my late 20's I decided it was something I couldn't deal with anymore. It was the hardest decision I ever made in my life, but I don' think I regret it.

Anyway, since then, I haven't cried once and I haven't spoken to anyone about it. Everyone knows we're broken up, but I just can't discuss it. My Mam and some friends have tried to speak to me about it but I feel if I do I'll let all these deep feelings out and never stop crying. I've haven't slept more than 5 hours a night since it happened, but even during those long sleepless nights, I won't even let myself think about my ex or the end of our relationship.

Anyway, I know none of this is healthy, but I just don't know how to deal with it. Should I talk to someone? Or let myself think about the relationship and perhaps write my feelings in a journal? The thing is I don't even know if I can do either of those things.

Has anyone else felt like this for so long? It's just numbness...no anger, no sadness, no happiness....just nothing.

Sephiroth_dude

Unreg544 wrote: »

So, I broke up with my ex 5 months ago. I loved him dearly (I may still do) but to cut a long story short, he has a drinking problem, wouldn't get any help and with me being only in my late 20's I decided it was something I couldn't deal with anymore. It was the hardest decision I ever made in my life, but I don' think I regret it.

Anyway, since then, I haven't cried once and I haven't spoken to anyone about it. Everyone knows we're broken up, but I just can't discuss it. My Mam and some friends have tried to speak to me about it but I feel if I do I'll let all these deep feelings out and never stop crying. I've haven't slept more than 5 hours a night since it happened, but even during those long sleepless nights, I won't even let myself think about my ex or the end of our relationship.

Anyway, I know none of this is healthy, but I just don't know how to deal with it. Should I talk to someone? Or let myself think about the relationship and perhaps write my feelings in a journal? The thing is I don't even know if I can do either of those things.

Has anyone else felt like this for so long? It's just numbness...no anger, no sadness, no happiness....just nothing.

Your doing yourself no favours by keeping all this bottled up,talk too your mam,friends about it and you'll begin to feel better about it in time,don't think about it all the time though,keep yourself busy go out and have fun with your friends,do the things you love to do and be kind too yourself and if you feel like crying then do so,you'll feel better after,write your feelings into a journal if need be.

I Hope the above was helpful to you and you feel better soon.

LegacyUser

I agree with the previous post. I would chat to a trusted friend about what happened and why you broke up with your ex.
It was good that you realised that he had a drink problem as some times woman make excuses to friends and family if they mention that ( boyfriend name) likes a drink.
A guy with a drink problem will always put drink first. You gave him a chance to change which he was not willing to do. You did the right thing in ending this relationship.

I would meet up with friends and do things that you like and enjoy. If you find writing down what happened helps you do this.
Things can and will get better for you if you do the above as this will help you move on.

Hoochiemama

I couldnt help but reply. nearly 3 years ago (wow! 3 years), me and my ex broke up. After it happened, I feel a deep grief I had never felt before. And thats the thing with break ups. It is in one sense a bereavement. I held it in and I remember feel a huge weight on my chest.

Like you, I couldnt talk about it to anyone, if anyone brought it up I'd feel a deep sense of panic and fear and after awhile, it just faded into the background.....

Roll on 2 and a half years later and after the death of a close friend of mine, I decided to go to a counsellor. Unbelievably, the counselling has not focused around the death of my friend because I actually dealt with this quite well. With the death I was very open about my grief and discussed it with anyone whoe would listen.

Instead the counselling has focused on my break up. I couldnt talk properly about it to the counsellor. One day she said "If that girl from that time was sitting on that chair in front of you what would you say to her" and I completely panicked, the amount of hurt that came up was overwhelming

So she set me a task, to 1 - write my ex a letter and 2- write myself a letter (not to be posted to my ex! just for myself). After a couple of weeks, I allowed her to read me the letter out loud and when she did, it finally all came out. I cried for the whole hour I was there. And wow!!!! What a relief!!!! The amount of emotion I released really made the saying "weight lifted off my shoulders" true!!!!

I suppose, Ive just really told you my story and not really offered any advice.... its easy to say "talk to your mum" but in practise, verbalising your pain is really really extremely difficult because as soon as you verbalise it, it comes true.

But you do need an outlet for it. Thats so important. I really wish I hadnt held it in for so long, because its only with the counsellor have I seen how un beknown to me, it was affecting other areas of my life.

Maybe do the diary thing or the letter thing. Maybe head to an empty field and scream and roar out your frustration. Finds something that works for you and do it. Research it online, there are many routes to release pent up emotion. Find what works for you and good luck xxxx