What to do....

hidingmyid

Going unreg for this one....
So basically its my birthday week end (birthday next week) and Im sitting at home alone and wondering how my life came to this! Ive recently come out of a long term relationship (9 years), so at 32 years old all my friends are married, kids etc... dont get me wrong, i have had the same group of friends all my life and i love them to bits, but I feel a bit put out that they wouldnt even go out one week end, we all met up regularly over the years with our other halves, but I feel now like im on a different wave lenght as I am on the only single person in my group.
Being single doesnt bother me, but this week end its really getting me down. I felt like crying today and this lonliness makes me think of my ex, and I know we will never get back together (We wanted different things out of life so I had to walk).... I suppose im just looking to vent really!
I know people will say join groups, do activities etc but Im actually not great with new people. I have quite a few network of friends, but I dont want people to think that i expect them to drop their lives and be there for me..... I suppose its my first birthday alone in a long time and its hitting me hard! (Poor me! :-)
I suppose I just want to see what others do if they are in same situation as me? I dont want to be out in town every week end, its just sometimes very lonely spending week ends on my own (not every week end but quite a few) and my brothers and sisters dont live in the country.
Rant over xx

YellowFeather

Hi Hiding - happy birthday week!

Firstly, relationships breaking down are a whole pile of no fun. Especially when you've been in one for as long as you have. You may feel battered and bruised, but the wounds aren't showing, so your friends probably have no idea how you're feeling. If they did, I'm sure they'd make the effort to celebrate the crap out of your birthday. It's not that they don't care - they probably don't understand!

The first year out of a serious relationship can be the worst. You remember milestones such as birthdays, anniversaries, the dreaded V-Day, and think of what you were doing the year before.

The good news is that, next year, you'll most likely be doing the good stuff again - and you won't be looking back at all.

You could ask your main friends if they could go out for a pint and a laugh to celebrate your birthday - if they're good friends, you could even tell them that you're feeling a little low and need cheering up.

Otherwise, get a rake of good food (Marks & Spencer's microwaveable stuff), some craft beers, a few good movies, and relax in your favourite seat and indulge yourself.

hidingmyid

Thank you yellow feather,you have completely hit the nail on the head. When they ask how I am I say Im fine, these things happen, so they genuinely probably think that Im ok (and I usually am!)..... I probably need to open up a little more with them. My two closest friends just had babies in recent weeks so they physically cant get out, but ive decided ill dive into my other network of friends and try do something next week end, and STOP feeling sorry for myself!!!

I suppose it is hard having been part of a couple for so long, but I am hugely independent so I need to just remind myself of that.
As you say, I think its just the first birthday and its hitting me hard! Im going to get up tomorrow full of beans and celebrate my last few days of 32!!!

I have taken your advice and am going on a marathon Iron Man 1 and 2 session for rest of week end and might just pop into M&S tomorrow. Thanks for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it x

YellowFeather

I like your attitude!!

But - you're allowed feel sorry for yourself! (In moderation though - just like everything else!) You genuinely have been through a difficult episode, and you are allowed to feel sad / angry / lonely / hungry. (Sorry - that last one was just me. )

Do open up to your friends. I bet they would want to be there for you if they knew - and you would do the same for them.

Enjoy your birthday week and purely indulge yourself! (If you're going to M&S, pick up some of their crisps and dips - nyom!)

Onwards and upwards! xxx