Don't know what I want

LegacyUser

Hi first time posting here.
Basically I feel I'm at a crossroads in my life and don't know which way to go.
I've been with my gf for 6 years and lived with her for the past 2.
We are both quite young and have never been with anyone else.
Lately we've been talking about buying our own place and maybe getting married in a few years, buying a house is kind of my 'big goal' and marriage and kids is hers, but I want that also. At least I think I do. The problem is I get in a panic every time we start to get serious about this stuff. I have an ongoing issue which has come up a couple of times over the years, that I feel we got together and got serious way too young. I wish I had had a few years as a single lad to experience relationships with different people. I dont want to break up with this girl as she is really a wonderful person and I can see myself having a family with her. But I can't help feel that if I don't go and 'sow the wild oats' (to use a horrible cliché) now, before we make any huge commitments, that we would ultimately end up unhappy and I would be tempted into unfaithfulness. I know she would be devastated if I ended it now and I don't think she would want to know me anymore, the thought of which is awful to me.

I really feel that this 'wanting to try other things' feeling that I have is really just selfishness on my part and I should just grow up and get over it and be grateful for the great thing I have with this girl. Can I really get over this curiosity and commit properly or should I bite the bullet and end things to maybe save us both a lot of heartache in the future? She deserves better than that.
Thanks

LegacyUser

You got together when you were both young and having been living together for 2 years. I am sure that your girlfriend thinks of marriage and kids mean while you are thinking we will buy a house in the next few years.
Some times it is easier to plod along as a couple rather then chat about what you both want long term. From what you have told us you feel that you are getting the when are you going to get engaged/ get married / buy a home vibe from parents, relatives and friends.

Would you consider explaining to your girlfriend that at the moment you feel that you could both do with a brake from each other for 9 to 12 months. I would explain to her that you got together as a couple at a young age and you that you feel the next step is marriage/house/kids but that you need to spend some time on your own and apart from each other before making a long term decisions which will effect you both.
She may tell you to get lost and that is a chance that you have got to take or she may agree with you. It would be far better for you to do this now rather than have a broken marriage with a child or children involved.

I know a girl who is now in her late 30's. She met a man in her early 20's and they were going out with each other for a few years when they broke up. I know her mother kept asking her what happened ect and the girl told her to mind her own business.
I know this girl well and from what she told me I gathered that she was keen to get married and have a family but he was not as commited to this. She told him that she wanted some time away from each other which he agreed to. Within a few months he knew that he wanted her in his life. They got back together after this and are now married with a family.

This is between you and your girlfriend and I would not get into a conversation with other people about this. I would just say we decided to have a brake from each other.
If you do this could you go traveling for a while. This would get you out of Ireland, let you see new sites, meet new people ect.

Getting married is more that having a big day out for family and friends and you want your relationship to be as strong as possible before going down this route. Also if you want children in the future they need two parents that want them not one person who leaves there life at a young age because they were not ready for them.
I know couples who have had a problems in getting pregnant, a premature baby, a disabled child and children that would have behavior problems and unless they had a strong relationship before this these things would have broken up a marriages.

You are young but you are showing maturity in thinking about your future in this way.
I hope the advice I have given you is of some help.

December2012

Don't ignore the signs.

People break up for many reasons and being too young when you got together is one of them.

You can't give her what she wants, be kind and break it off in a kind way to her.

She might not want you back - and that's ok. She has to do what's good for her and you do what's good for you.

You cannot control the future, so don't try.