Who's in the wrong??

daisyduke25

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this forum and would like if I could get some opinions on a small relationship matter.

Basically my boyfriend of 2 and half years is leaving the country in a few weeks to work for 8 months which I'm obviously very upset about it but I'm very happy for him because it's a dream job (football coaching). We love each other very much and have no problem giving the long distance thing a try. He was told that he would be living with 2 other men that will be working for the same company but last week he told me that this has changed and that there will also be a girl living with them. I was a bit shocked to hear this and wasn't totally happy but I didn't make a big deal about it and said nothing else on the subject.

Since then they are now friends on FB (I have no problem with that) but it's gone as far as them exchanging numbers and they have been chatting to each other via FB and text since. I have seen this girl and what she looks like and although she's probably a really nice girl she not attractive and my boyfriend has assured me that it's all totally innocent.

My problem here is not necessarily the worry of anything happening between them when he gets there because I trust him, but the 2 of them chatting almost every day is making me very uncomfortable and I think that it is all slightly inappropriate. He thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing but in my eyes I think I am being reasonable to ask him not to chat to her every day like he has been that he'll have all the time to get to know her when he arrives to work with her. We have actually argued over this and we are not the arguing type at all.

Sorry for the long post but i would really appreciate your honest opinions on this from both men and women if possible.

Thanks for reading
:):)

Boombastic

They're going to be living together and probably see each other and talk every day. They'll probably have 'in' jokes about work and living together, that you won't get. Will you be able to cope with that. In my opinion it is a good thing he makes an effort to get to know her. He's moving to another country and it will be good for him to have friendships formed before he even gets there. It will make the transition easier. You either trust him or you don't, I think you are being necessarily worried at this point.

judgefudge

I think you need to chill out. He's moving abroad so he's probably just trying to ensure that he has a friend when he gets there! If it were a guy would you care about them chatting?

You either trust him or you don't. And believe me, I've been through a year of long distance, if you're getting this upset over something this minor then you are going to have a very difficult 8 months.

Brego888

You are in the wrong here in the sense that you are massively over reacting.
He's going to be living with her so it's completely normal that he's trying to get to know here.
What you'll succeed to doing here is drive a wedge between the 2 of you before he evens moves over.
And as judgefudge said above long distance relationships are hard enough. You could be in for a tough time if this is the start you make.

daisyduke25

Thanks for your replies... I do agree with a lot of what both of you have said. I agree that getting to know his colleagues before he goes over will make it a lot easier for him and so on but he doesn't txt or email or chat on FB with them like he does with this girl, he told me himself that she's the only one that has his phone number. She has been txting him at 10 and 11 o'clock at night while I'm sitting beside him. I just think that there are boundaries that you don't cross with a friendship of the opposite sex no matter how innocent it may seem. If I didn't trust him I would have ended it when he took the job but am I so wrong that I find it inappropriate for another girl to be messaging my boyfriend 4 or 5 times a day?

judgefudge

Maybe he just clicked with this girl better than the others? Plus he's moving in with her.

Maybe she fancies the pants off him? You said you don't rate her looks wise and you say you trust your boyfriend so you need to just accept that nothing untoward is going on. 4 or 5 texts a day is not that excessive. I would easily text one of my mates that much in an evening, male or female.

I don't know whether you have a right to be upset over it, I'm not in your shoes. But I do think that if you're getting upset over something like this you are going to have to toughen up. Because long distance isn't easy. How are you going to feel if you see him with new work mates in a photo on Facebook and one of them is a gorgeous girl.

When I was doing long distance it was the same deal, my Boyf went abroad and I stayed home. I know I felt insecure at the time and maybe that's how you feel now? It's only natural I think, but you can't make an issue out of things like this because you'll drive him away and make him think you don't trust him. Just my two cents.

daisyduke25

judgefudge wrote: »

Maybe he just clicked with this girl better than the others? Plus he's moving in with her.

Maybe she fancies the pants off him? You said you don't rate her looks wise and you say you trust your boyfriend so you need to just accept that nothing untoward is going on. 4 or 5 texts a day is not that excessive. I would easily text one of my mates that much in an evening, male or female.

I don't know whether you have a right to be upset over it, I'm not in your shoes. But I do think that if you're getting upset over something like this you are going to have to toughen up. Because long distance isn't easy. How are you going to feel if you see him with new work mates in a photo on Facebook and one of them is a gorgeous girl.

When I was doing long distance it was the same deal, my Boyf went abroad and I stayed home. I know I felt insecure at the time and maybe that's how you feel now? It's only natural I think, but you can't make an issue out of things like this because you'll drive him away and make him think you don't trust him. Just my two cents.

Thanks judgefudge... I totally get what you're saying... This is the reason I posted here because the last thing I want is to drive a wedge between us before he leaves. I needed an opinion from people who don't know us or have maybe been in the same situation. Deep down I know I'm overreacting and that this girl could end up being his best friend over there, we both already have friends of the opposite sex and there's never been an issue so I don't know why this is making me feel so uncomfortable. Like you said I'm going to have to toughen up and deal with it.

I do appreciate all your comments thanks everyone

Mighty_Mouse

You are angry with the circumstances and jealous of some unknown woman for no reason.

He is moving to another country on his own, starting a new job, in a new place, leaving behind his family, friends and LT gf. Somebody on the far side is kind enough to reach out and soften the ground a little by saying "Hey etc".

It's clear from your post you would prefer he live with men. Why?

LegacyUser

You sound very insecure. I've been on the other side of this. I was friends with two individuals who got together within a year of me knowing them. The guy worked nearby and I would occasionally meet him for coffee and a chat. Unbeknown to me my other 'friend' had created this scenario in her head where we were carrying on behind her back. I'm not friends with either anymore. I can't be bothered with immaturity of that level. My advice: Stop It Now before your crazy gets out of hand. If you don't trust your boyfriend then it's time to either take a long look at yourself or talk to him about it.

daisyduke25

I had a chat with my bf today and have apologised for the way I've reacted in all this. After all your comments I realised how silly it was for me to make an issue out of this. He has female friends that txt him all the time so I can't even explain why this was bothering me so much.

Thank you very much for your honest opinions, I could have easily damaged a great relationship had I not seen sense.