Confidence/Nerves

LegacyUser

Un-regged for this. feels weird writing it, sorry if it seems all over the place.


I'm a 20 year old male. I've serious confidence issues and/or nerves which seem to effect almost everything I do. I'd describe myself as a bit quiet at times, but I don't think I'm shy in general.


In life in general, it affects me with college, social life, meeting new people. It just seems that I overthink everything, I seem to expect the worse. If I know I've a presentation etc to do, I think about it for days beforehand, and keep thinking about how wrong it'll go. With girls, I think I've been lucky enough at times, but even then, I just won't approach people or make the move in case it inevitably will go wrong.


The worst though is what I'm doing with my life. I'm a student teacher at the moment. Yeah, I get nervous first day and things like that, but that passes. But its when a cigire knocks on the door, I just fall to pieces. All my plans just fall to crap. And its not just me who see's this. Everytime I'm evaluated or inspected, they always mention my serious nerves and lack of confidence, which in turn leads to lack of authority/leadership etc. No matter what I try to do, the same thing happens every time, and I mess it up again and again. I love what I do, it just always goes horribly wrong under pressure.


I know there's no quick-fix, even though I desperately could do with one because it's affecting everything I do way too much, but is there any gradual way to combat this. I've tried to think positively, be calm in general, not over think things, take deep breaths etc, but I always end up falling back into the old habits.

Catari Jaguar

Awh, been there my friend! Out 6 years now and am a serious boss! It all falls into place. If it helps, just take on the persona of X teacher that you admire in the school and channel them. Ask your class teacher for advice. They are NOT judging you. Be REALLY uber prepared for lessons and have a copy of your plan stuck up discretely so you can see it if inspector lands in. Have the rules displayed and keep referring back to them. Not sure what age you are teaching at, but all I can liken teaching juniors to is training a new dog and you are the alpha male. YOU decide everything in a firm tone like you mean business. Walk around and dominate in a non aggressive manner. It is YOUR space. Inspector is a vistor in your room, but they are there to help. I know it doesnt seem like it, I used to pray to be hit by a car on the way to TP, but be courteous and take their advice on board without being apologetic. But I swear, it will get so much easier and more enjoyable.

As for girls, just try it, if you get knocked back, who cares? Be funny, be genuine, don't try too hard, have fun. It's all a learning curve. Best of luck!

araic88

To be honest, looking back over TP's that I did I'm surprised they passed me sometimes. I hadn't a clue what I was doing, god love the poor kiddies :P I was never one of those amazing, "they're eating outta my palm" TP students by any means but always got on ok grade wise, I reckon they saw from me (and my notes etc.) that I had a lot to learn but was very willing to learn & wasn't cocky/arrogant/lazy which they don't like either.
Actually, a good thing that happened me was that in one lesson when an inspector was there, things that I had fretted about happening DID happen (IWB not working etc all the little things!) and even though it wasn't fun, it wasn't a big deal and inspector was very nice about it. I think it helped me realise that worrying about things is pointless (I do know that's easy to say).
Another example, I saw Dragon's Den the other night where one guy was trying to pitch an idea for fancy dog food. He brought a beautiful big dog out ... but the dog wouldn't eat the food! I may have died on the spot ...but he just kept going and walked away with a very good offer from an investor
Also, I think part of what made me nervous about TP was the fact I found it difficult and didn't enjoy it, I had niggling thoughts it meant I wouldn't enjoy teaching. The opposite is true though, I really enjoy it and it was worth the hideous TP blocks
Oh, and every teacher feels nervous about inspectors (just sit in a staff room when they find out they're getting a WSE ) but some are better at hiding it/ getting on with things & pretending there's nobody watching.
I agree with the poster who said to ask your class teacher, chances are they're a tad bored while you have their class I know I'd be happy to give an opinion on what you're doing well/you could work on which might give you more confidence as well as get used to ignoring someone watching
Good luck!

LegacyUser

ta for the advice from both, some great points and advice. Appreciate it.

I get on well with the class teacher, and she does help with feedback and that so that's good.
The main thing is that the inspector's are mentioning the confidence and nerves thing, and that they think it's leading to more bad in turn. Even when they come across well and constructive and stuff, it's still disheartening hearing all the bad parts, and all this does is knock me, which then makes things worse. I kinda feel like its a vicious cycle which just goes round and round. I'm getting told I'm getting extra support which I haven't a clue what it's all about, as I can't see another inspection at the moment doing me any good.
The nerves etc during the teaching are just an outward show of what I'm generally like, just sometimes am able to hide it or hold them in in normal life.

Roisy7

Hey OP, I'm not a teacher, so I've no advice on the cigire (which HAS to be my fave Irish word!) front. Anyway, as someone whose suffered alot from anxiety, my recommendation would be to try mindfulness and meditation. I found it fantastic, especially the breathing exercises. I got introduced to it via counselling but there are loads of e-books and things online about it. Good luck OP

DonkeyStyle \o/

I think nervousness is based on consequence. Something rests on the outcome of your performance. Maybe your nervousness, rather than being irrational, is entirely appropriate for the level of pressure and consequence you're putting yourself under. Rather than trying to combat the symptoms (by deep breathing, etc.) you have to scratch away at these disaster scenarios your brain has built without your knowledge. Explore your thoughts and challenge them with rationality. If you follow a chain of "Ok brain, why? Explain that to me." it can take you to some interesting places. Personally I've stumbled upon some rooms of complete disarray... parts of my mind that were honest-to-god run by toddlers and left unchallenged for years. (they might be typing to you now and I'd never know, so disregard as appropriate)
Or if that doesn't work out for you, I like to remember that line from the first Terminator movie, in 100 years nobody will care. :pac: