Finding it really hard to get over my ex

CheekyChappy

My ex dumped me in November and I really want to forget him but I can't seem to.

He cheated on me at the start of our relationship but I took him back because he was my first boyfriend and I was naive. I got really possessive which wasn't good, I was always asking him where he was and what he was doing and who he was with. If anything seemed odd then we would always end up arguing. Then one day in November we had another row and he just ended it. I know being possessive isn't good but if he hadn't cheated then I wouldn't have been.


I know it was my own fault for taking him back but I was in love.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about him, I'm even thinking of moving to London in September to get away from Cork. Everything in Cork reminds me of him and Cork city is small and I'm just afraid of bumping into him or seeing him with someone else.

I just don't know what to do and how to get over him.

Norderburse

That sucks OP :-(

Ultimately, time will heal. But it does take time.

From personal experience, I moved area (but not country). And it did help, but don't you rush into anything, especially if you don't have friends/family in London.

Take some time for yourself. I threw myself into self-improvement and getting through a long-held list of goals/experiences, one by one. There were still some very bad moments but life does go on, and it can be so much better.

CheekyChappy

Thanks. I do have a few family members in London alright and I've always wanted to live there, I think this thought has given me the extra push I need. The only thing though is sorting out work and money.

Locker10a

Time will heal, in the mean time getting under someone else is always a good distraction

CheekyChappy

Haha yes but I'm not that kinda guy

1ZRed

How long were ye together for? Being young with a boyfriend for the first time I can understand getting carried away. I've had a few girlfriends but in my first proper relationship with a guy, not that I'm in love with the prick tbf :pac:

I'd say it's not great to have to hit into him with someone else but that's the reality of it. You're both apart and you're both going to be getting on with things. You have to realise that. Running away is very unnecessary to me over your first boyfriend. Sure if everyone did that we'd all be scattered all around the place.

It's your first relationship anyway, in a few years you're going to look back and wonder why you were going to take such a drastic step so needlessly. It's only that you'd no experience with love or any significant feelings like that before -from what I gather from your OP, and you're trying to hold onto that. It's understandable.
Gay lads have a delayed experience with relationships compared to straight lads so the learning curve is steeper.

If it was me, I'd acknowledge that things are done and won't be fixed so it's only to stay civil if you both run into each other (meeting him with another guy most likely won't happen and is just thinking the worst case scenario).
Time to start thinking ahead and finding a new guy. You'll be more experienced and better able to make the relationship work with no, or minimal trust issues, so the relationship will be better overall.

I think that's reason enough to want to get over him as you're doing yourself no favours by stalling yourself from finding a new guy just because you liked what you felt for him before.
Running away *solely* because of not wanting to hit into him and his potential bf is very foolish and is a bad decision, imo.

DazMarz

^^^^^^^

Everything he said, pretty much.

Running away to London (or anywhere) is a bit drastic. It's a line that countless of my friends have said to me, and I just feel like screaming into their faces "THESE THINGS HAPPEN!!! GET OVER IT!!! IF YOU RUN AWAY FROM EVERY DIFFICULT SITUATION IN LIFE, YOU'LL BE RUNNING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

It's tough, OP. Really tough when it happens. All my friends around me seem to be breaking up and getting dumped. Some after relationships that they've been in for more than 2 years, some for as many as 4 years. Very tough for some of them. One of them, especially, has been in a complete funk for like 6 months and unfortunately is alienating even his closest friends with his depressive actions.

The main thing is to go out with your friends a bit more, get them onside and if you need to talk to them, do so. A word of warning though; even your best friends will tire quickly if the maudlin stuff is non-stop. The friend I mentioned has pretty much exhausted his "list" of friends to turn to, leaving me as the only one who's still constantly there for him. And even then, I have to confess, I'm getting a little bit cheesed off by the way he's carrying on. (He only seems to get in touch when he wants to talk or needs something; never hangs out any more).

The old adage of "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone" is not for everyone, and it isn't for you, obviously. So there's no point in going out and pulling if it isn't going to help. Try finding a nice guy somewhere else and seeing where it goes from there.

Don't get lost in alcohol either; friends of mine do that sometimes. That always, without exception, ends in tears. Bad idea.

Pour yourself into things that interest you and make you happy: jogging, football, writing, playing music, listening to music, watching films, painting, martial arts... ANYTHING. Start new hobbies, return to old ones, whatever. do things that will hold your interest and make you happy.

You sound like a decent, nice, albeit a bit sensitive, guy and you'll have no problem finding someone else. It just might take a little bit of time and patience. Don't get overly overwrought about things.

Best of luck!

CheekyChappy

Thanks guys. I was with him for a year and a half, not Long I know but it was to me. I got on great with his family too so it makes it even harder. and yeah I am a nice guy and I know I'll find someone else I just don't want to run into him, Cork city is pretty small, maybe not move to London but Dublin or something, not just to get away from him but I need to get away from this place I'm fed up of it tbh

floggg

If you wanted to move before you broke up, then use it as an excuse to make the change.

If you are only doing this to get over him, then don't be so silly.

I know you said the whole "get under somebody new" thing isn't for you, but is it any worse than spending your time thinking about him. You're probably not ready for anything serious but I might do you some good to remind yourself there are other guys out there.

You're probably sitting thinking that you'll never find somebody like him, but chances are you'll find somebody better!

Now don't get me wrong, everybody makes mistakes, but the fact he cheated on you early in your relationship isn't exactly the best sign and clearly there was no trust in the relationship. Don't you think you deserve bette than that?

CheekyChappy

Well I have been on a few dates since but they never really went anywhere and I know its still early days so I can't expect to find somebody so fast, I know that. But as for the getting under another guy, that's just not me I'm not the random sex type of guy