Nasty comments in public

LegacyUser

This has been sort of bugging me for quite a while and a little shocked from people's reactions. I'm an irishman btw, no shrek but not exactly an oil painting either, tall, average looking with red hair. Always seem to fall into long-term relationships, which is a good thing I guess blah blah

However I used to date a nice girl from Eastern Europe (looked French / Italian due to her tan) for a few years and in my opinion very pretty (and so my sisters said too) she did an advert on tv before in her own country, and a lovely body (used to do gymnastics) blah blah

So last Summer I was in town with her (we walked into town in the afternoon as the weather was good, we didn't have a car so it's bus or by foot) however she decided to wear heels and jeans and I was just in sandals and shorts, so she was kinda more dressed up than me so to speak.

Unforunately for me I've good hearing and some of the nasty comments directed towards me and both of us was well, quite stressful. People must think other people are deaf.

Now this seemed to set the scene for the day two guys were walking past us on O'Connell street and one turns to the other and kinda says wtf and his friend makes a money sign (rubbing the tips of his fingers together).

Now I'm thinking, what in the hell, does he not think I couldn't see it, she didn't notice and probably wouldn't have known what they were doing anyways. as it kinda made me expect more.. like we stood out or something.

Later on that day we were in TK Maxx in St. Stephens green, there was a group of Irish girls beside us (like 14 / 15 yrs old ) and one of them says, pfft he's probably her pimp. This really upset me.. how nasty people can be. I felt like slapping her face.

A couple when we passed in Temple bar the lady goes, well that's obviously money.

And then towards the end of the day we were in Jervis centre there was an African couple outside the toilets and the guy was sniggering whilst looking at us and god bless her, the girl (friend prob.) I heard her saying, 'it's about personality' as we walked past - christ i felt like hugging her and beating the **** out of the guy.

anyways.. I can imagine some people will think I sound like a paranoid fruitcake but it wasn't a day to be remembered and we did make a suggestion after that so we both dress similar in future.. (you know not overdressed more than the other)

Am/Was I causing some Darwinian nightmare for people by dating an attractive woman? Do they think I shouldn't be dating her, I know some guys get jealous and say negative things sometimes but hearing it from females and even one when she was saying it to her partner.

I'm absolutely broke, I haven't got two pennies to rub together. I guess the days of having a nice personality means nothing in this day and age, people just judge you on how you look.

I mentioned the TK maxx comment to my partner (none of the others) a while afterwards and she was shocked but we laughed about it afterwards.. I look respectable and she dresses quite stylish/elegant. Obviously I wasn't a pimp but the girl couldn't resist saying a negative thing.

I had mentioned a couple of the incidents to my sister and she said just forget it, people are just jealous.

So what I want to ask posters is..

In these situations, should I / we approach people and say excuse me what did you say? how dare you? etc.. do you not think I / we didn't hear you or just let it be?

Toast4532

Just let it be and continue on with your day/trip. Try not to let the negative comments of strangers get to you, they don't know you or your girlfriend, and by the sounds of it, you are better off not knowing them.

Focus on having a lovely day with your partner and ignore everyone else, they have no part in your lives, so let the once-off comments go and forget about them. If you take notice of them and every time someone says something negative to you, your confidence will be shot to pieces in no time.

Your girlfriend obviously loves you and that's why she's with you, remember that and ignores the nasty comments.

dd972

Welcome to Ireland OP, where a village idiot mentality reigns and you're constantly assessed and scrutinised as where you stand in it's caste system.

Believe me, if you and the missus were walking around in truly cosmopolitan centres like Central London, Madrid or Berlin which are unlike 'OMG I'm so hip Dublin' this sort of thing might happen sporadically but with nowhere near the regularity.

Oddly enough I was in your situation with a former GF where this happened constantly, went out with another girl for a while and it never happened once, maybe people do seem like a natural fit to some and an odd pairing to others, who knows.

One thing above all, don't let it mess things up for you and don't mention it or bring it up as an issue with the girl you're seeing, if she thinks your're paranoid it could be the beginning of the end of your relationship.

username123

Take no notice of the pond life. The kind of people who mouth remarks about the appearance of others in public are really not worth a moment of your consideration.

daisybelle2008

anonymous_poster wrote: »

This has been sort of bugging me for quite a while and a little shocked from people's reactions. I'm an irishman btw, no shrek but not exactly an oil painting either, tall, average looking with red hair. Always seem to fall into long-term relationships, which is a good thing I guess blah blah

However I used to date a nice girl from Eastern Europe (looked French / Italian due to her tan) for a few years and in my opinion very pretty (and so my sisters said too) she did an advert on tv before in her own country, and a lovely body (used to do gymnastics) blah blah

So last Summer I was in town with her (we walked into town in the afternoon as the weather was good, we didn't have a car so it's bus or by foot) however she decided to wear heels and jeans and I was just in sandals and shorts, so she was kinda more dressed up than me so to speak.

Unforunately for me I've good hearing and some of the nasty comments directed towards me and both of us was well, quite stressful. People must think other people are deaf.

Now this seemed to set the scene for the day two guys were walking past us on O'Connell street and one turns to the other and kinda says wtf and his friend makes a money sign (rubbing the tips of his fingers together).

Now I'm thinking, what in the hell, does he not think I couldn't see it, she didn't notice and probably wouldn't have known what they were doing anyways. as it kinda made me expect more.. like we stood out or something.

Later on that day we were in TK Maxx in St. Stephens green, there was a group of Irish girls beside us (like 14 / 15 yrs old ) and one of them says, pfft he's probably her pimp. This really upset me.. how nasty people can be. I felt like slapping her face.

A couple when we passed in Temple bar the lady goes, well that's obviously money.

And then towards the end of the day we were in Jervis centre there was an African couple outside the toilets and the guy was sniggering whilst looking at us and god bless her, the girl (friend prob.) I heard her saying, 'it's about personality' as we walked past - christ i felt like hugging her and beating the **** out of the guy.

anyways.. I can imagine some people will think I sound like a paranoid fruitcake but it wasn't a day to be remembered and we did make a suggestion after that so we both dress similar in future.. (you know not overdressed more than the other)

Am/Was I causing some Darwinian nightmare for people by dating an attractive woman? Do they think I shouldn't be dating her, I know some guys get jealous and say negative things sometimes but hearing it from females and even one when she was saying it to her partner.

I'm absolutely broke, I haven't got two pennies to rub together. I guess the days of having a nice personality means nothing in this day and age, people just judge you on how you look.

I mentioned the TK maxx comment to my partner (none of the others) a while afterwards and she was shocked but we laughed about it afterwards.. I look respectable and she dresses quite stylish/elegant. Obviously I wasn't a pimp but the girl couldn't resist saying a negative thing.

I had mentioned a couple of the incidents to my sister and she said just forget it, people are just jealous.

So what I want to ask posters is..

In these situations, should I / we approach people and say excuse me what did you say? how dare you? etc.. do you not think I / we didn't hear you or just let it be?

OP, your sister is right, move on. You are no longer dating this girl and the incident happened nearly a year ago. You are going to encounter small minded people in life, best policy is to pay them no attention, you won't change them and you will just frustrate yourself trying to. Don't engage or argue with idiots, it won't payoff like in some Hollywood rom com. You'll just look like an equal idiot.

Are you over this girl?

LegacyUser

@daisybelle2008

Yes we are not together anymore, I wanted a break.

To be honest I felt let down by people/society as I never came across this before. I never try to judge anyone though my family says I'm very open minded.

I want to thank all the positive comments left by people, it really has helped.

CaraMay

I find it interesting that the only incident you told her about was the one where it was implied that she was a hooker ...

People can be morons but yet you didn't tell her about the incidents where you were disparaged but the one where she was. Did you secretly think she was out of your league?

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

I find it interesting that the only incident you told her about was the one where it was implied that she was a hooker ...

People can be morons but yet you didn't tell her about the incidents where you were disparaged but the one where she was. Did you secretly think she was out of your league?

I don't know why you would find only that interesting, however I was implied as a pimp, I find that as attack on both which I thought awful and the worst one which I mentioned.

No I didn't think that. We've gone out many times and though she got alot of male attention never the comments. Just the day that was in it, and I underdressed and she over probably.

Ickle Magoo

This is a forum to get advice on a personal issue you are currently experiencing.

As you have now separated - there is little point in posters taking the time to analyse why people made comments about you two specifically nor advise in relation to completely different dynamics in a hypothetical future scenario.

All the best OP.