Advice on Delicate Work Situation

LegacyUser

Need advice on a very delicate situation.

Started a new job a few weeks ago. About a week ago, I notice this woman who works nearby. Later that day I catch her looking at me, she blushes and puts her head down so I thought she may be interested.
I decide to take a chance and email her informally, to my surprise she responds, we have a fun chat back and forth for a while and now I am convinced she is interested.

I'm stumped now as to how to proceed, I've been around the block a few times at this stage but never in a work situation like this.
I want to ask her out, coffee, drink etc but there is that risk that she is either taken or not interested, despite the signs. I don't want to risk it being awkward as I will be working with her team in the future and I'm new! But on the other hand I don't want to pass up what may be a great relationship.

Has anyone been in this situation before or has anyone advice on how to handle this?

P. Breathnach

"Where do you go for lunch? Mind if I join you?"

LegacyUser

OP here, she heads for lunch with her team, all female, so it's not really an option. I'd prefer to hang out after work, coffee or something but it's getting to asking for a 'date' stage without making a show of myself is the problem

blatantrereg

Would things be ok if you found yourself working with an ex, or if someone you dated? (except for ones from ages ago) - Or would you think there might be drama?
If the answer's definitely the latter, then I think you should forget the idea.

P. Breathnach

"Hi. I still have this newbie feeling, haven't fully got the vibe about how things work here. Might you have a bit of free time after work to have a coffee and mark my cards for me?"

sffc

I'll be honest OP - I read your post many times trying to see your problem . What I see is that you've kinda done the hard work already by spotting someone who's interested in you and you've already made the first move by emailing her and it's been recieved well. All green flags so far.
You don't mention a strict no dating culture in your job. Other than this I have to tell you the "red flags " are in YOUR head.
For the love of God tell her you won/were given two passes to a comedy gig place or something and you thought of her. You can even email her this white lie . There really is no pressure on either of you except the pressure you are dreaming up yourself. Ditch the "faint heart", it won't help you.

P. Breathnach

sffc wrote: »

I'll be honest OP - I read your post many times trying to see your problem ....

The problem is that it is a work situation and OP does not know this woman very well. If he asks her out, she turns him down, and then tells people he asked her out, it can be awkward for a person just a few weeks in the place. That's why I see a point in a less direct approach.

LegacyUser

Great suggestions above, thank you all.

As for the red flags being in my head, well it is possible I may be mis-taking interest for simple 'be nice to the new person', my only green flag is that I catch her looking at me regularly in that way.

I'll re initiate the emails this week and see how it goes. Being it's work, there is going to be an element of faint heartiness probably on both sides due to the potential awkwardness of a rejection. If this was anywhere else, I'd have asked her out already!

To the other poster, no I don't really mind working with an ex if it comes to that, I can keep it professional if it ends up like that.

A.Partridge

Delicate Work Situation wrote: »

Great suggestions above, thank you all.

As for the red flags being in my head, well it is possible I may be mis-taking interest for simple 'be nice to the new person', my only green flag is that I catch her looking at me regularly in that way.

I'll re initiate the emails this week and see how it goes. Being it's work, there is going to be an element of faint heartiness probably on both sides due to the potential awkwardness of a rejection. If this was anywhere else, I'd have asked her out already!
To the other poster, no I don't really mind working with an ex if it comes to that, I can keep it professional if it ends up like that.

A faint heart never won a fair maiden. Just remember that !;)

wurzlitzer

OP I would be cautious initially, despite being round the block a few times, from my experience rushing into relationships or dates with work colleagues can lead to awkwardness down the line if it goes awry.

I was in a situation at work were I was asked out on a date by a newbie he told me we were so alike that he felt happy being around me etc we went out a for a few months. Then he ended out of the blue while we were out "saying he was just not feeling it" & left me to get a taxi home. I was humiliated needless to say and felt used. We blanked eachother for months it was awkward but that's beside the point, what happened we had rushed into things & were not compatible.

If you only have been in the job a few weeks I would try to get to know her first during work hours before you going asking her on a proper date. Try & build a friendship first to see if you are compatible, that way if you do end up dating, it will be less awkward if ever ends.

But it also depends on how long you intend staying in your job. if it's a job that is part time while at college or that you don't see yourself staying for in long if you ask her out & it does not work out what odds. But if it's a job that you intend staying in long term then I would wait a while like a few months.

Good luck

LegacyUser

wurzlitzer wrote: »

OP I would be cautious initially, despite being round the block a few times, from my experience rushing into relationships or dates with work colleagues can lead to awkwardness down the line if it goes awry.

I was in a situation at work were I was asked out on a date by a newbie he told me we were so alike that he felt happy being around me etc we went out a for a few months. Then he ended out of the blue while we were out "saying he was just not feeling it" & left me to get a taxi home. I was humiliated needless to say and felt used. We blanked eachother for months it was awkward but that's beside the point, what happened we had rushed into things & were not compatible.

If you only have been in the job a few weeks I would try to get to know her first during work hours before you going asking her on a proper date. Try & build a friendship first to see if you are compatible, that way if you do end up dating, it will be less awkward if ever ends.

But it also depends on how long you intend staying in your job. if it's a job that is part time while at college or that you don't see yourself staying for in long if you ask her out & it does not work out what odds. But if it's a job that you intend staying in long term then I would wait a while like a few months.

Good luck

Thanks for the post. Fair point. It's a grown up job and I have a fair bit of responsibility. There is a small chance I could end up managing her from time to time which is also putting me off.

Think I'll take it easy for another while yet, too much uncertainty, P. Breathnach won't like that though

I'll keep the emailing up though, breaks up the day!

P. Breathnach

Delicate Work Situation wrote: »

...
Think I'll take it easy for another while yet, too much uncertainty, P. Breathnach won't like that though

No, that's fine by me. I was merely offering my services as a scriptwriter. A bit of caution is often a good thing.

I'll keep the emailing up though, breaks up the day!

Just remember that things have a tempo. If you have got a certain distance and then mark time for too long, she may think that you have no interest in taking things further. It's okay to progress things slowly, but might not be okay to fail to progress at all.

LegacyUser

Small update for anyone interested. I kept up the emailing, and it turns out, much to my dismay that she has a boyfriend.