Have you ever had someone on the hook?

1ZRed

As in you kept someone's interest to a point for a substantial amount of time where they really wanted to be with you but you didn't, whether you did this unintentially or just wanted a 'back up' of sorts?

I've done it, for the most part unintentionally.

There was a girl who I liked and we got on great, she always fancied me a bit for years but for two years we became good mates. I knew she was mad after me and I kind of played up to that but carried on doing my own thing anyway.

For nearly a year she didn't even get with anyone else and kept everything on pause and held out for me thinking I'd want to get with her. I didn't and got off with her best mate instead, subsequently hurting her a lot and making her hate me.

Since then we're grand again and we've patched all that up. I think that's the only time I've been a dickhead that way and since then I've been upfront and honest about my intentions, but I'm surprised to hear of the odd person on a hook, waiting to be subbed in by someone they really like.

I do think it's very unfair if that person realises what they're doing and gives false hope without setting them straight.

Has this ever happened to any of ye where you've found yourselves on someone's hook or keeping someone on your own?

1ZRed

And here, not 'hooked' as in "crouching tiger, hidden serpent" sense either!

Straight Outta Ganton

I didn't understand the post. I'm terribly sorry.

Ihatecuddles-old

Not that I know of...I hope not anyway!

Latchy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMeNC1IPUnQ

1ZRed

Straight Outta Ganton wrote: »

I didn't understand the post. I'm terribly sorry.

You're grand, just one of my ramblings :P

beks101

That's an arsehole thing to do.

I hope karma smacks you in the ass with a Cupid arrow for someone who can't be bothered.

1ZRed

beks101 wrote: »

That's an arsehole thing to do.

I hope karma smacks you in the ass with a Cupid arrow for someone who can't be bothered.

As I said, we've sorted things out since and I've apologised for being a dumbass. I didn't lead her on intentionally and she liked me, I should've make my intensions clear that I'd no interest beyond being mates.

I think the karma thing is a bit strong in fairness, not like I actively went out to hurt her feelings.

guppy

beks101 wrote: »

That's an arsehole thing to do.

I hope karma smacks you in the ass with a Cupid arrow for someone who can't be bothered.

I understand it, been on both sides. It is generally a "young" thing to do though, it's linked to self-esteem and a need for attention and affection. Most people out-grow it by age 20-22. Thats not a judgement, people that age are not generally 100% sure of themselves and need to mature naturally.

I think the op is young though, so he's just starting the guilt for this phase of his life!

Queen-Mise

That was a horrid thing to do OP. Fcuking with people's lives is nasty thing to do.

Brave or stupid posting it in AH's.

Ruudi_Mentari

Would I not have had to have slung me hook in em first

no. but I think I may have, just I was too young to percieve all that signage. Or a late bloomer... arrested development?!!

beks101

1ZRed wrote: »

As I said, we've sorted things out since and I've apologised for being a dumbass.

Fair enough.

I just wouldn't **** with someone's feelings, intentionally or otherwise. When it's done to you it's the worst pain in the world.

im invisible

Happened to me, maybe, i don't know. No, i was pretty much 'friend-zoned', which was grand, because i never really looked at her like that, untill i realised that i was probably in love with her. Heartache followed

1ZRed

Queen-Mise wrote: »

That was a horrid thing to do OP. Fcuking with people's lives is nasty thing to do.

Brave or stupid posting it in AH's.

I don't claim to be perfect or to not have fucked up, or to fuck up along the way sometimes, but it was hardly my objective to hurt her feelings.

beks101 wrote: »

Fair enough.

I just wouldn't **** with someone's feelings, intentionally or otherwise. When it's done to you it's the worst pain in the world.

How could you say you wouldn't fuck with someone's feelings unintentionally if you'd be unaware of it by that very logic? That's how it happens.

True, I can imagine it's probably a fair sting alright, but look at it from the other side as well, I never really lead her to believe anything, she held onto something that wasn't there if you get me. I don't shift blame onto her though, it was a contributed outcome.

And this is besides the point, I asked a question about whether this might have happened to someone or for them to have done it.
It wasn't really about me at all, that was just my anecdote to contribute to the discussion.

1ZRed

im invisible wrote: »

Happened to me, maybe, i don't know. No, i was pretty much 'friend-zoned', which was grand, because i never really looked at her like that, untill i realised that i was probably in love with her. Heartache followed

Yeah that's pretty much what happened to her, and she didn't seem to make an effort to move on with things. Granted I shouldn't have gotten off with her friend but that's another story.

Queen-Mise

1ZRed wrote: »

Yeah that's pretty much what happened to her, and she didn't seem to make an effort to move on with things. Granted I shouldn't have gotten off with her friend but that's another story.

Getting off with the friend is probably ok - as nothing was happening between ye. It was probably good, as it brought everything out in open.

One of my pet hates is this; messing people around. Game playing, using people, manipulation.... Can't stand it.

beks101

1ZRed wrote: »

she always fancied me a bit for years but for two years we became good mates. I knew she was mad after me and I kind of played up to that but carried on doing my own thing anyway.

You said it yourself, you knew. You always know when someone is into you & you've been hanging out with them excessively, it's just instinct.

Granted you might not know the difference between them being madly in love with you or just having a school yard crush, but to play along despite not wanting the same thing is just feeding your ego at the hand of someone else's feelings.

Ruudi_Mentari

I have, and they're not coming down til they're cured

so smoke me a sliver and I'll be home for breakfast.

Big Nasty

Yes, I've done it, more than once. Not proud of it at all but thankfully am still fairly friendly now with both of them and we've all moved on to other things since.

By the way, when did this kissing a girl lark all happen? Before you caught 'teh ghey'!?! :eek:

bradlente

Done pretty much the same thing OP,Fairly spineless thing to do.

Then again I am an Amoeba of sorts.Amoebic FTW.:(

Rasheed

I think I done it once but I hadn't considered him as anything more than a friend but he thought we were more. But awkward but we're ok now.

I definitely had it done to me though. And it was horrible being the gullible aul bollox. You live and learn.

Legs.Eleven

Never did it but it's been done to me. It's an atrociously prickish thing to do and people who do it should be deeply ashamed of themselves. :mad:

Annasopra

Straight Outta Ganton wrote: »

I didn't understand the post. I'm terribly sorry.

To summarise

Have you ever been a prick tease

Gummy Panda

Maybe.

I was told before I play hard to get but what she didn't realise is that I'm generally oblivious to signs of attraction.

Example:

Girl - I had a crush on you for a long time
Panda - why did you never tell me?
Girl - I thought it was obvious and weren't interested
Panda - FML :mad:

RossPaws

That was a really mean thing to do, but at least you've made up with her and have learned from the experience.

On another note, the term "friend zone" or any variation thereof makes me want to hit people.

ilovesleep

This was done to me and it absolutely floored me. I met someone and had some fun. I wasn't under illusion as to where that brief, casual night was going to get me. I mean like, I liked him and although we shared a night of fun together, I didn't believe it was going to lead onto a relationship. If something more came of it, great. If not, so be it.
He followed the night we had together up, with what turned out to be a proper mind fcuk. He said he had something small to post me, and I fell for it and thus him, but only slightly. I liked him and respected him. It turned out to be nothing but excuses. Due to the apathetic and careless attitude from him when I required about it, it was all lies. God damn dirty lies to string me along for nothing. I fell for lies. Why lie?

All that floored me. I liked him and he fed me nothing more but lies.

ilovesleep

ilovesleep wrote: »

This was done to me and it absolutely floored me. I met someone and had some fun. I wasn't under illusion as to where that brief, casual night was going to get me. I mean like, I liked him and although we shared a night of fun together, I didn't believe it was going to lead onto a relationship. If something more came of it, great. If not, so be it.
He followed the night we had together up, with what turned out to be a proper mind fcuk. He said he had something small to post me, and I fell for it and thus him, but only slightly. I liked him and respected him. It turned out to be nothing but excuses. Due to the apathetic and careless attitude from him when I required about it, it was all lies. God damn dirty lies to string me along for nothing. I fell for lies. Why lie?

All that floored me. I liked him and he fed me nothing more but lies.

I think you might have mentioned it before.

Time to move on

Dwork

Candie wrote: »

I think you might have mentioned it before.

Time to move on

In the nicest possible way, Ilovesleep, but this^. You met an 4rse, he played you, you were hurt, it's done. Time to move onwards and upwards or the fcuker will own the rest of your life.;)

On the OP, yeah, but not intentionally. I was a bit of a sh1t betimes with girlfriends, usually had a bit too much of an, erm, "overlap". Also went through rather a lot of them, became a standing joke that I had to drive to Donegal to find someone I hadn't already been out with. Which led to a few being hooked and strung along. It was cowardice on the emotional front and given the chance to do over, I wouldn't. It just hurts people, usually nice people who don't deserve to be hurt. I notice history repeating itself with my eldest lad. He is a good looking fella and jasus he doesn't half string a lot of girls along. I advise him not to, but sure who listens at that age?

1ZRed

ilovesleep wrote: »

This was done to me and it absolutely floored me. I met someone and had some fun. I wasn't under illusion as to where that brief, casual night was going to get me. I mean like, I liked him and although we shared a night of fun together, I didn't believe it was going to lead onto a relationship. If something more came of it, great. If not, so be it.
He followed the night we had together up, with what turned out to be a proper mind fcuk. He said he had something small to post me, and I fell for it and thus him, but only slightly. I liked him and respected him. It turned out to be nothing but excuses. Due to the apathetic and careless attitude from him when I required about it, it was all lies. God damn dirty lies to string me along for nothing. I fell for lies. Why lie?

All that floored me. I liked him and he fed me nothing more but lies.

See, how was what I did done to you? I never so much as got with her, never mind slept with her, or fed her lies.

I stayed mates with her, we're still friendly in fact, she just wanted more. I didn't fill her head with notions that I'd want her to be my girlfriend or something more serious, like what he did to you.

sassyj

1ZRed wrote: »

See, how was what I did done to you? I never so much as got with her, never mind slept with her, or fed her lies.

I stayed mates with her, we're still friendly in fact, she just wanted more. I didn't fill her head with notions that I'd want her to be my girlfriend or something more serious, like what he did to you.

It's not related at all, but this person will hijack any thread to post about this, as well as starting up several threads about this also under several names.

ilovesleep

ilovesleep wrote: »

All that floored me.

We're all floored sometime or other, but there comes a point where you have to make that decision to get back up and leave it behind.

sassyj wrote: »

It's not related at all, but this person will hijack any thread to post about this, as well as starting up several threads about this also under several names.

If that's true, then I'd urge some sort of professional help to get off that floor Ilovesleep, because you seem stuck there. Life's too short to nurse old wounds.